<p>I've been having problems with depression lately. Actually, for the past year or so. I'm always tired and have no energy, I have a lot of trouble concentrating on school and caring enough to study. I only really have one friend, and I feel like she's withdrawing from me a bit because I haven't been acting like my old self (which I hate). I've seriously considered suicide a few times, but I don't think I'd ever really go through with it because I always tell myself things will get better. I feel empty and sad all the time, and I don't really have interest in anything.</p>
<p>I used to be a semi-confident, humorous person, although I've always been sort of shy and afraid of how other people perceive me. But now I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize completely and that no one likes me or cares about me or would miss me if I died.
I don't know who I can talk to about this. I've never been the type of person to talk about my feelings, and I hate feeling open and vulnerable with people. I have a weird relationship with my mom; we don't really get along, and I've never sought emotional support from her, and she's never attempted to provide it. I feel that if I tell her what's going on, she'll just act smug and superior and patronizing.
I can't tell my friend because she views me as emotionally stable and I'm afraid she'd abandon me and think I'm a freak.</p>
<p>I think everyone would think I'm just looking for attention, including my would-be therapist.</p>
<p>I'm still getting all A's in school without much effort, but I don't remember the last time I got really interested in any of my subjects or enjoyed anything at all, really.</p>
<p>This might seem like a stupid reason, but I don't want to be diagnosed with depression because it would make it harder to get health insurance when I'm older. Also, I really want to be in the Peace Corps, but I can't if I have a mental illness.</p>
<p>Can someone please give me some advice? When I go to college I don't want to be the same sad, unsocial person I am now. :(</p>
<p>Straight to the best therapist you can find, young lady-- you are a charming, talented writer who has a very good sense of what’s going on and needs a professional to talk to about it. Depression will not keep you from getting health insurance–(nor the Peace Corps I don’t imagine.) </p>
<p>No one will think you’re “looking for attention” , except whoever put such an idea in your mind in the first place. You need some attention right now. Do you know where to look for help? Can your guidance counselor, or doctor, point you in a good direction, or is there a teacher you trust? What you do for yourself now can help set you on a good footing for years to come… you were smart to come here for some advice, so you’ve made a good beginning!</p>
<p>Therapists go into this field of work because they want to help people. Why would a therapist think you’re just “looking for attention”? And even if you were looking for attention, there’s a reason for that! You said your mom is emotionally distant and your friend is not understanding. Everyone needs to feel understood.</p>
<p>When my daughter became overwhelmed in high school, unable to sleep or cope with schoolwork and social situations, I sent her to a therapist. She did NOT want to go, but later admitted that having a non-judgemental person to vent to was a big relief. She was able to tell the therapist things she’d have been uncomfortable telling me. And the therapist was able to help her see that her concerns weren’t unfounded, and yet helped her to put them into perspective. She learned coping mechanisms to deal with stress and sadness, and her life improved.</p>
<p>If you don’t know where to start to get help, ask your pediatrician. Believe me, this is a LOT more common than you think. Most people just don’t talk about it. And it will NOT make it harder to get health insurance or keep you out of the Peace Corps.</p>
<p>Good luck to you - you deserve to feel healthy and self-confident!</p>
<p>Agreed with the above posters. You might also want to ensure you are getting enough high quality fat in your diet. Also, my personal self-help bible has always been Albert Ellis’s “How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything - Yes, Anything”. If you are interested in self-help books, you will not find a better and more empirically supported one thank this.</p>
<p>@Gwen Fairfax: The problem is that I don’t know who to talk to. I mean, part of the problem is that I come off as very organized, stable, and sure of myself, and I’m afraid of changing that perception. I don’t have teachers that I feel connected to; I’m taking classes at a community college for my senior year, and all of my classes are about 50 people and our teachers don’t know our names or anything (I don’t even know any of the other students’ names), and in high school I never connected very well with any of my teachers.
I’m sure my mom would be able to find a good therapist if she wanted to, but I don’t know how to bring it up and, like I said, I’m really uncomfortable talking to her about anything emotional.
I guess I’d just have a really hard time admitting to others that there’s something wrong with me.</p>
<p>Please go to your pediatrician – a doctor could give advice, and the information you shared with her and she shared with you would be confidential. If you’re uncomfortable talking, bring the post you just wrote, and share it with your doctor. Your doctor can make recommendations, or she could help you share information with your mother. </p>
<p>And, if I were your mom, I would so very much want you to share to me. If you are sure your mom could find a good therapist for you, and know her well enough to know that’s what she would want to do, please think about ways you might communicate with her. Again, potentially writing to her, giving her a note, or some other way that lets you not have to look her in the eye while you talk to her. </p>
<p>Going to a therapist, finding someone to talk to, would not have to be information that you share with your community; it is a private decision. </p>
<p>Many of us understand where you are coming from; how people perceive us is important and if we are successful it is important to us that we maintain that perception. Sharing private information with a doctor and therapist is a way get that help that need not interfere in any way with people’s perception of you as organized, stable and sure of yourself (unless you decide you want it to, that you don’t want to maintain that perception any longer).</p>
<p>somehelp-- does the community college have a nurse, or an advising or counseling center? The strongest, most together people in the world have times when they needs help, advice, consolation-- asking for help doesn’t make you weak, in fact it can be a sign of your general strength. </p>
<p>It would be great if you could talk to your mother. But I can see that you might not dare risk a cool response from her right now. If that’s the case, pick the person you feel most trusting of, and start there. (Who is advising you with the college process?) </p>
<p>Our community health center has a teen clinic one night a week-- free and very private, with a nurse practitioner and counselor available. You might find that yours has something like that too. Promise yourself that you’ll talk to one person tomorrow-- it really is a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help.</p>
<p>I think it has a counseling center; I’ll look into that, and I’ll see if I can get an appointment with my pediatrician (doing that behind my mom’s back will be interesting). As for who’s advising me on the college process, no one. By that I mean I did all my own research, I’m doing my applications by myself, and I even flew out to Massachusetts alone to visit my top choice.
I’m pretty sure we don’t have a community health center… I live in a small town in the Midwest and I don’t think there’d be enough demand for one.</p>
<p>That’s a great start, somehelp-- with luck you’ll find someone who can help talk you through this, and at the very least you’ll have made a start. Come back and let us know how it’s going! </p>
<p>It’s no surprise you’re depressed when you are as isolated as you seem to be right now–but everyone has those times. No one, no one, manages totally alone. Everyone needs support, companionship, comfort from others. You’re doing such a great job–imagine what just a little bit of thoughtful help could do for you. Keep us informed!</p>
<p>All you have to do is call the pediatrician to get a referral, you don’t need to see him/her because the pediatrician is not much qualified to help with this. Depression is not uncommon (see the many threads right here in this forum) and no health care provider will think you are making it up for attention.</p>
<p>Seek out the guidance office at school and tell one of the counselors there that you are depressed and want to get some help with it. Guidance is confidential and finally, let go of the notion once and for all that seeking help for a problem you have identified will brand you as less than competent. Identifying a problem and taking action to fix it makes you MORE competent.</p>
<p>Some pediatricians can actually help, and they can suggest therapists. I also think that a physical check up might be a good thing, for things like thyroid function. The lack of energy could be due to some as yet undiagnosed medical problem, which does not necessarily exclude depression but might contribute to it.</p>
<p>During the last year of high school, many kids have problems with depression and anxiety. It is a very difficult year. You tend to look back and feel badly about things you feel you missed, and you tend to look forward with fear of the future, and in between is this weird state of suspension while all kinds of transitions are taking place.</p>
<p>I remember our school nurse telling me that during senior year, her office is full of seniors who are a “mess,” and how she wished things could be easier.</p>
<p>Add to that the fact that you have a distant relationship with your mom and are pretty much on your own about college, that you are taking classes in a relatively anonymous environment, and that friendships are in flux.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should see this as “mental illness.” Your feelings may reflect a difficult time of life in a difficult personal context. Forgive yourself and get help from an MD, health clinic, or therapist. If you are over 18, you can easily do all this yourself, but it sure would be nice to have parental support. </p>
<p>I have seen so many kids suffer like this, or in other ways, especially in senior year, and every single one of them ended up doing fine. Medication is sometimes a temporary part of that picture, but not always. Dealing with this now will help you so much in college, because you will learn new strategies for coping and connecting.</p>
<p>My 17 year old sees a gynecologist on her own. She took the initiative to make her own appt. I drove her thinking I would need to sign a consent but the only thing I did was give D our ins card. We live in Ohio…an increasingly backward state. :(</p>
<p>Someone mentioned fish oil. See a Dr. first but my Dr. and my other D. specialist at the Cleveland Clinic are big believers in the antidepressent effect fish oil has.</p>
<p>OP - I don’t have much to add to what others have posted, but please get help. If your state does not allow you to see anyone without a parent’s permission, you could talk to your school’s guidance counselor. Going to a physician is a good idea to make sure there’s no medical issue, but please see a therapist. It will help a lot to talk to someone who is caring and can help you get through it all.</p>