Depression and suicide in Asian American students

Pre-College Topics High School Life
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<p>Well my parents were separated because my dad had a job in Korea and my mom was attending UCB. Basically, my mom raised my little sister and me by herself after I graduated 4th grade (when my dad left US). So I was trained like a Chinese athlete in math and reading, to learn English, yet after 4th grade, I was pretty much on my own. I got barely above average during my middle school years (ie low Bs to low As), made some friends who didn’t take school seriously, and eventually returned to Korea with my mom/sis where a few things happened and I realized the value of getting good grades. Luckily, my freshmen grades weren’t recorded from my old school so I had a clean slate when I enrolled in a “foreign” school in Korea.</p>

<p>I think things would’ve been a lot different if I parents had pushed me a little more or if I had siblings/older friends who went on to places like MIT or Stanford. I would’ve tried a lot harder and made my time in the US a lot more meaningful.</p>

<p>@ChickenPitPie (nice name haha); Yea, I agree with you completely. Unfortunately, Fizix is right, it happens to many Asian kids and I seen worse in Korea. ie My aunt uses attention as an incentive for her kids to get good grades, it’s really sad.</p>

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<p>how’s life like in korea?</p>

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<p>In Busan, ehh… Nothing like the States, hard to find stuff I took for granted (ie deodorant >.<) and the stuff you find cost a fortune (ie prep books costs ≈$30, in KRW).</p>

<p>The education system here is quite serious, yet when you go to a “foreign” school, it’s a joke.
Overall, not bad, certainly not a place I’d call home but not a place I despise either. How’s CalTech?</p>

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<p>wow, you’d think things in korea would cost less than in the us! that’s certainly how it was when i visited china. but i guess korea is becoming a better country now :D</p>

<p>caltech is actually paradise - there’s fun classes and good conversations always within walking distance…not to mention we get to play with centrifuges, which i’m sure is not as fun after the first few times, but somehow i remained amused. i really miss it there.</p>

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<p>mrwheezy you go to school in korea don’t you? (:</p>

<p>btw korean stuff = EXPENSIVE. they even talk about how expensive stuff is in korea. real estate, clothing, designer goods, etc. even fakes are expensive.</p>

<p>anyways i agree with what mrwheezy said before about how if the parents are americanized they are hardly that strict as stated in the article. my parents were like that.</p>

<p>however the opposite is true. any parent who isolates themselves from the “american” world or is “asianized” pardon my terminology, becomes extremely obsessed over grades. not only that, they want a perfect child. i don’t know about you, but it’s not just grades anymore. it’s SAT, AP courses, extracurricular successes (as in being president), being popular, being well liked, being social, being outgoing, being wise in choices (ie not drinking/smoking/drugs/sex), and most of all, being obedient. of course that last one comes without the least bit of thought; it’s imperative to listen to the nags and screams and whining and ranting about the slightest thing.</p>

<p>ok that was more of a rant. sorry guys.</p>

<p>“It is NEVER worth it to physically abuse children. NEVER. Physical abuse is illegal and leaves permanent mental scars.”</p>

<p>seconded, thirded, fourthed, meh. i don’t know how many people above agreed with this, but this happens in korea a lot. teachers are allowed to beat their students if they don’t listen, though i think this has died down lately after babies were reported into the hospital dying of bruises or something (not done by the teachers, but it made korea reconsider what its education system is doing to their kids)</p>

<p>but the depression on the MIT student is intense, as with the millionaire. I find it hard to believe that she would burn herself solely because she felt like an academic failure. the fact that she got into MIT is good enough for parents, to be honest. once your child gest into an ivy/mit/stanford, you don’t have any more expectations except for your child to be some big-shot earning lots of cash (hence the millionaire thing still eludes me) but usually it gets better because they lower expectations as time passes.</p>

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<p>Uhm, spanking =/= physical abuse. Even if your on that side of whatever controversy there is about spanking, <em>legally</em> it’s not abuse, at all, and to say that it is criminalizes a ton of great parents and minimizes actual abuse.
I don’t know of any studies comparing Asian parents use of spanking to other kids, but black kids (eg: yours truly) get spanked more than white kids.</p>

<p>ETA: Actually, I just found this:

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<p>Comparing it with a lot of what I’ve seen on CC, I was surprised. It’s from <a href=“http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/pdf/51_PDF.pdf[/url]”>http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/pdf/51_PDF.pdf&lt;/a&gt;. Fairly interesting stuff.</p>

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<p>To me, this “asianized” parent sounds like (stereo)typical middle/upper-middle class “good” parent. You know, the one you see as the annoying mother in the new mini-mansion mega-houses, so suburban, driving the minivan (maybe a while ago an SUV, perhaps now some “green” car) back and forth to soccer and gymnastics when they’re young and to prep and whatever when they’re older in TV shows when they’re exaggerated?</p>

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<p>Yes, I go to a school IN Korea haha. There is a difference there. I personally don’t know how to speak Korean past the the elementary level (long story regarding my immigration experience in US) so I go to a foreign school. Speaking of expensive things in Korea, my school’s tuition is comparable to what an average UCLA student spends in a year (in state). Which goes to show the demand/price of English education in Korea.</p>

<p>But regarding Asian parents… If there is one key thing that differentiate my parents (and other Asian parents) from my other friends’ parents (white/black/hispanic), other than being Asian, is that Asian parents tend to want their kids to take care of them after they retire (speaking of the parents of course). (This is from my personal experience) Which partially explains the pressure the parents bear on their child to get into a good school or get a good job.
Yet, parents will be parents, whether they be Asian/White/Black/Hispanic/etc. they will still have some kind of imagine of what they want their kids to be when they grow up. But what fosters the Asian parents’ need to push and mold their kids is a) the competition back home is incredibly hard and b) like all immigrant parents, they sacrificed something for their kids to have a better life and they want their kids to take full advantage of the opportunity. Really, I only see the severity of this in first-generation Asian-Americans or Asians back in Korea.
Just my 2cents~</p>

<p>Spanking… I don’t consider that physical abuse but I think there should be other types of punishment incorporated with spanking. Whipping a kid with belt, that would make me feel a little discomforted knowing. But it all depends on the parent’s intentions and the degree to which he/she is administering the punishment.</p>

<p>@Fizix; Wait, you’re leaving CalTech? To where? or are you graduating? hehe I was considering applying to CalTech but they don’t seem to offer financial aid to internationals <em>sigh</em>. But from what I seen of their campus and reputation, it seems like an amazing place to be :D</p>

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<p>

lol, seriously. A friend of mine from Korea who moved here (from Seoul) two years ago told me that one time, one of her cousins had gotten into Harvard, and like, family from other parts of the country came to celebrate. </p>

<p>I mean, you got into college…but I’m sure family wouldn’t come from all over the country for me. :p</p>

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<p>It’s tough for students that deal with such problems to seek help as well. Because they don’t feel comfortable approaching their parents with stress issues out of fear that they will seem unsuccessful or weak in their eyes. Students should be made more aware of counselors in schools that can help with these issues. Many students think that counselors are there just to help out with colleges, but they need some other guidence from an adult that will praise them.</p>

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<p>I always wonder how sites get their statistics because I don’t recall ever filling out a survey and the only survey my parents have used is the Census. I don’t think they asked if my parents beat me on that.
Or maybe we’re just never around when the surveys are being passed out, haha.</p>

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<p>Speaking of expensive things in Korea, my school’s tuition is comparable to what an average UCLA student spends in a year (in state). Which goes to show the demand/price of English education in Korea.</p>

<p>^ sorry had to comment on this… my school’s tuition (which is in korea too btw) is comparable to what an average UCLA student spends in a year OUT of state (plus a couple thousand more) :smiley: but that doesn’t show the demand of english education in korea. the creepy english hagwons all named after names like Melissa or Mr. Park or 123 English… hagwons are sort of “prep classes” I guess. Students go to those things in order to learn more about subjects they will take at school (none of this goes on transcripts, this is just to maintain a perfect score in the school course) btw busan is nice (:</p>

<p>anyways i love talking about race and academics (and history, but my ush assignment is giving me all the stimulus i need) so… yeah intense pressure is mostly applicable on not-so-rich, middle class first generation korean families. I’ve found that a lot of korean students move to america for high school so that the competition is eased for them. however, the “rich” korean students do not have much pressure to succeed other than graduating and going to a decent university and getting a job. the middle class, on the other hand, made huge sacrifices for this (usually they do homestays, and the homestays that aren’t scams in korea cost 20k and up) and they want their kid to succeed not only because of these sacrifices, but also because they don’t want their kid to have to repeat this process thirty years later.</p>

<p>woohoo. my posts are cool. (ok had to add… please don’t flame me for my obnoxiously long posts. i get rather pedantic when talking about something pertaining to my own race.)</p>

<p>“To me, this “asianized” parent sounds like (stereo)typical middle/upper-middle class “good” parent.”</p>

<p>^ mm. sadly it isn’t as stereotypical as you think =/</p>

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<p>lol wut</p>

<p>strong first post op</p>

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<p>Damn o.O, which school do you go to? In Busan, the average cost is 20 grand per year, up in Seoul it is around 30 to 40grand from what I hear. Correct me if I’m wrong.</p>

<p>Nonetheless, the demand for English fluency is pretty crazy in Korea. I mean there are kids whose parents have gone to the States just to have their child born there and come back so their could attend the foreign schools, many which require a kid to either have a foreign passport or have lived in the States for a considerable amount of time. </p>

<p>As for hagwons… I hate them because they kind of ruin the education system in Korea but that’s another story haha
I come from a middle class family and I definitely agree with you, Yoursky. I have plenty of classmates that have rich folks who really don’t care about their future (or are really ignorant about it) much less care about education. Forgive me if I sound presumptuous.</p>

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<p>Ahh, how do you guys deal with going to school then hagwon?</p>

<p>It seems like you’re always in academics, and then you get home to sleep.</p>

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Unless, of course, they push their kid too hard, and the kid ends up killing herself. Thereby making the “thirty years later” thing kind of moot.</p>

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<p>I personally don’t go to any hagwons due to financial reasons and plus, I’m in an American education system, so it all good. But one of the main reasons why kids in Korea go to hagwon (ie my sister who isn’t in an American edu. sys.) is to keep up with school. </p>

<p>The system kept up mainly by the “laziness” of teachers. When kids go to hagwon, they learn ahead of the school system and when everyone does that, the teacher has no reason to teach the material and moves ahead. Which then of course, leaves behind some of the poorer kids who can’t afford to go to hagwon.</p>

<p>But how do they deal with it? Well gradual induction with adaptation.</p>

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<p>i was spanked as a child and it didn’t screw me up at all. My younger brother got the belt once or twice. It’s really not a big deal, extreme physical abuse is. btw, i’m white. and southern (a lot less sissy parents that think swatting their Tasmanian devil five year old on the bum will leave them with permanent emotional scars down there haha).</p>

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<p>Asian parents suck. They dont allow their kids to acquire social skills, and when those kids go to college, theyre either akward or get carried away and drink too much</p>

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<p>I’m first generation vietnam and my parents are always stressing about school work and going to college to not work in an assembly line job like they are right now but we are stable with a nail salon and 80k a year. But their not that demanding like some asians parents. My parents is letting me drive this year (sophomore year hs) and all that normal teenage stuff. </p>

<p>But overall my goal is to focus mainly on school work and to do whatever it takes to make my parents happy. It just part of asian culture. “Your parents don’t know a lot of english because they sacrifice for you”. A quote from Rick Sanchez on CNN.</p>

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<p>I’m not first-generation, but my parents immigrated here to the USA along with me.</p>

<p>My parents don’t mind if I get a B, they just go, “get an A”, but it never really seems like they care. I guess I could call them, “lazy AsianAmerican parents.” :P</p>