<p>Hello there. I'm a long-time member of the boarding school forum here on CC, but haven't really dabbled in other sub forums...so please be gentle.</p>
<p>I'm writing because I want to hear about the experiences, feelings, attitudes of Asian-American students. FWIW, I'm a 1.5 gen (born abroad but came here pre-adolesence) Asian immigrant myself and the parent of two teen girls here in the US.</p>
<p>Here's what I want to know:
Do you feel that your parents put too much pressure on you to A) have perfect grades and scores (is an A- truly the "Asian F"?), and B) to get into the "best" schools?</p>
<p>I have a theory that Asian-American parents have a tendency to focus too much on "the best" (which I interpret to be the most prestigious/famous) colleges — and I'm looking to either support that theory or dismiss/modify that theory. I basically want to know if the stereotype has validity across more than a handful of people I know personally. I know that this is not a scientific or exhaustive method, but hey...it's free and good enough.</p>
<p>Would be great if you'd include your ethnicity and what part of the country you live (the latter because I'd want to know if geography plays a factor). TIA!</p>
<p>I’m Indian and in my books, Indian is considered Asian. I live in VA. I’m also a 1.5 gen because I moved to America when I was 3. My parents do put a lot of pressure on me but we’re not aiming for Ivy Leagues. Mostly UVA, Virginia Tech, JMU, GMU, and maybe CNU.</p>
<p>This question is difficult because I don’t know to what extent this is a product of my particular family, and to what extent this is a cultural phenomena. I was always pressured by my parents to do my ‘best.’ The question was always framed in terms of ‘why not’ a 100 or ‘what can you do better’ next time. Unlike many other parents I know though within my peer group, my parents were also not particularly involved in my schooling beyond grades. They didn’t try to understand or invest in what classes I was going to take or ‘how’ I was doing interpersonally or with ECs. I was never put into accelerated classes outside of school (accelerated math courses) like many of my friends were. The type of excellence I pursued was definitely a product of early childhood upbringing, but by secondary school, I was harder on myself than they were. I expected ‘more’ of myself-- and again, to some level, that is a product of early cultural upbringing.</p>
<p>I did apply to a number of the “best” schools, though again, that was as much as product of me as it was of them. When making a choice between Duke and WashU, name recognition (insofar as it related to job prospects and recognition on the market) did come into play. To some degree, I also think for first-generation AA students (my parents immigrated to the US, and I was born here) are also seen as the culmination of the sacrifice that the parents made. Both of my parents have advanced degrees that are underutilized in the US, and they made those choices precisely because they wanted my sister and I to have increased opportunity with our higher ed choices-- so going to those schools also represents a fulfillment of some type of legacy or hope.</p>
<p>So…yup. I identify as ethnically Chinese but culturally American (in the larger narrative of America as a melting-pot) and am from Texas.</p>
<p>@purpleacorn: Thanks for sharing your story. What I’m asking for is for people to relate their own/their family’s particular dynamic…not necessarily to relate it a larger cultural phenomena (that is what I hope the arc of this thread at least points to when viewed in toto).</p>
<p>Interestingly, my parents (back in the late 1980s) had very little input into what schools I was applying to…I think that had to do with their relative unfamiliarity with the options here. They were not “Harvard or bust”…but I’m sure were happy that I went to a non-HYP Ivy.</p>
Not really. My parents have really high standards, but I feel like most of the pressure stems from myself. What I consider failing is different for each class; for example, if I get a 99 in Algebra II/Trig, I’m really sad, but I’m happy with a 93 in AP Stat. Actually, my grades aren’t that great; I have 95s and under in a few subjects this quarter. But I don’t kill myself over a 90 on a test.</p>
<p>I do feel pressure to get into HYPSM, though. All of my parent’s friend’s children attend Harvard, or Yale, or MIT, etc. And I often feel like if I don’t get into one of those schools, I’ll not only disappoint myself, but also my parents and my friends. It’s kind of expected for me to go to a prestigious university, and I feel worthless sometimes because there are so many brighter people that I know I’m not as good as.</p>
<p>My parents don’t pressure me to get good grades (well, not my mom at least), but even still, my dad is pretty chill about it. If I get a B, I’m pretty upset, but that’s really the end of story. Of course, other Asian parents do fall into that stereotype, but there are other ones that don’t. But I think that a lot of the pressure to do well also comes from other Asian/high achieving students, and even the non-achieving ones.</p>
<p>Do you feel that your parents put too much pressure on you to A) have perfect grades and scores (is an A- truly the “Asian F”?), and B) to get into the “best” schools?</p>
<p>I believe my parents are pretty atypical when it comes to the stereotypical high pressuring Asian parents. They obviously still expect a lot out of me, but they realize I have my own preferences. I have a friend with parents making her apply to almost all the Ivy League and top 10 schools in the nation, while my parents (who have asked me to apply to same schools) respect my decision to not apply to as many.</p>
<p>Depends. Much of HI is AA, and many have been in YS for varying lengths of time. My kids have noticed that those who came over with their families as young kids or who are born to parents who just came over from Asia are MUCH more driven. Not positive whether it’s the parents pressure or kids pressuring themselves, but they see and know well sacrifices their folks made and continue to make for them.</p>
<p>The best Asian parents(like mine) don’t put pressure on their kids to get As because they raise the kids in a way so that most of the pressure comes from the kids themselves.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the additional comments! Keep 'em coming.</p>
<p>Here’s a related question: Regardless of parent influence, do you think Asian kids stress about grades/where they are going to college more or less so than children of other races/ethnic groups?</p>
<p>I don’t think you can compare races like that. While most people believe asians are pressured to get strong grades and into strong colleges, people of other races can and do feel the same pressure from their respective parents. </p>
<p>It depends on the person (some pressure themselves by their own standards), the family, and the overall environment, in my opinion.</p>
<p>My experience is that many Asian students and their parents tend to be heavily fixated on the wrong measurements. You can explain to them that the school is looking for kids with a passion, a unique interest and proven dedication to something cool and they will say, okay, what are the benchmarks, the sat, gpa, EC activities you are basing admission on. And then someone will say, I am a songwriter applying to these schools and this is what I have done with the last 4 years and they will say, what are your stats? It’s like someone has explained the game to them incorrectly. When candidates are all the same, the stats are the only differentiator.</p>
<p>It has more to do with the situation and context surrounding the families than actual Asian culture. Most of the Asians in America are recent immigrants or have immigrant parents. Many of these immigrants have swum upstream for a very long time; the process of entering the US, and then succeeding is long and grueling. The work ethic and ambition that these immigrants often have is the reason they succeed, and it carries over into academics.</p>
<p>There have been several Affirmative Action related articles comparing the Asian discrimination in colleges today to the biases against Jewish applicants many decades ago. The Jewish immigrants had entirely different cultures than East Asians, but they were, most importantly, immigrants, and brought the work ethic, ambition, and respect for education with them.</p>
<p>@Nihilus: I am familiar with at least one of those articles.</p>
<p>Interesting to hear that a few think it’s more the context of individual families rather than a cultural thing. Could not one argues that even individual families operate within cultural norms? Meaning parents are merely passing down values that their parents passed on to them?</p>
<p>Thanks again to all for engaging in this dialog…as the son of immigrant parents and now the parent of college-bound (I think?!?) kids, it’s definitely something I wrestle with.</p>
<p>^ Definitely. Whenever I get a bad grade [relative to my other grades], all my friends who aren’t Asian say, “Oooh, Yakisoba isn’t going to Harvard!”</p>
<p>Partially yes. My parents do constantly tell me to do well in school and be successful. However, they don’t “push” me. They know I try really hard in school without them needing to remind me 24/7. They also know my limits (i’m not that smart…i’m like a B+/A type of student), so they don’t expect me to get into Harvard or anything. They originally wanted me to become a pediatrician, but I personally did not like the idea. They respected my idea and let me choose the path I wanted (kind of…they gave me 5 choice to pick from…haha >_<).
Overall, my parents aren’t the typical tiger parents. I never really felt stressed out because of them. I felt stressed because I took classes that were just way out of my comfort zone, and tried to maintain A’s in those classes ( which i did…well…A-).
so yea. (and yes. they did force me to play the piano for 12 years. haha. I came to like it 3 years ago though. so it’s good?)</p>
<p>I’m Japanese and from non-classified as Nor or SoCal</p>
<p>Okay, so for me, it’s mainly my mom. She’s the one who deals with all the academic stuff in my life. Basically, an A- is too close to a B+ to be considered good, and I’m a failure because I have 2 Cs on my transcripts and a 35/65 split of Bs and As otherwise. Also, my SAT score of 2220 is too low. </p>
<p>I think my case is also complicated by the fact that I have a sister who was almost a completely straight-A student (the two Bs were during a relative’s death) who was involved a bazillion ECs in high school. (She now goes to a top 10 school). So not only am I held up to standards, I’m also compared to her. I don’t resent my sister for it though, we get along and I know I’m a different person. </p>
<p>My mom has no clue what any of the stuff in my classes are about, so she cannot help me. When I was younger, she would push me into practicing cello, studying/entering math contests, science competitions, basically everything competition. And when she learned about my Bs and lower incidence Cs she wreaked havoc on my pathetic social life. So now I basically have no friends. </p>
<p>Here I am, senior year. I applied to schools that are reaches for me, but considered safeties for other Asians. </p>
<p>The standards don’t work for me, just like my school is a really bad fit for me.</p>
<p>I’m a freshman in highschool right now, and came to the states when i was in 4th grade. My parents now have stopped putting alot of pressure on me… but when I was in elementary and middle school, they did expect me to get the highest grade, in every test in every class. Now, I feel they have understood that I’ve matured enough(not completely), and I completely agree because now I dont need my parents to put any pressure on me anymore, I have started to put the pressure on me myself, and I expect myself to get the highest grades in every class. I understand why most asain parents put pressure on their kids and its because they want to build a foundation for their kids. Nowadays, I find my self putting more pressure, and effort on my studies than my parents ever did. However, my brother who is in 7th grade, is still being pressured about his grades by my parents, and he quite doesnt understand why (I was the same at that age), and im sure he’ll find his way to understanding how much our parents have done for us, and all that they have done is only for us, not themselves, but us.</p>
