<p>In the mean time I'd tell him that 1. Different schools will take it to different levels of seriousness (e.g. princeton may think its worse than yale). 2. It is just one thing, and that colleges don't take it as seriously as grad schools because they know you're still just a kid. Once you're in college, you're an adult, and held to a higher standard (I'm not sure if this is dead set true or not, but it seems logical...). 3. There's nothing he can do about it now. Wallowing in his mistake will only make it worse. He has to overcome and move on. Don't sugarcoat it and tell him it won't matter.Tell him that yes, it's a setback, but one he has a chance of overcoming through an explantion, accompanied by other accomplishments and growth. It may mean he has to work doubly hard to get in. But that doesn't mean he can't do it. But he has to have CONFIDENCE if he will be able to do the things it takes to overcome this. It's one thing to have false hope. But its another to have your motivation and ability to function crushed by a lack of confidence. So I think you're being a very good friend by trying to reassure him. </p>
<p>Another option for him is, that in the event he doesn't get in (after of course working his butt off and producing the coolest applications ever with mounds of confidence and work ethic fueling his way), he can apply to transfer. At that point, your high school record doesn't matter as much. Unfortuneatly Yale has an abysmally small transfer rate. Harvard and Princeton (when they start accepting them again, which, I think will be in time for him) are better, being slightly below their freshman acceptance rates. But other great schools like Brown, and Cornell, and to a lesser extent, Stanford have good acceptance rates for transfers. </p>
<p>At the same time, you can be flawless and still not get in!! So he may not have been a shoe in anyways. But that "never knowing if I could have done it" kills. I've been there. </p>
<p>My little tangential story -- I applied to HY, pomona, brown, stanford, and tulane my senior year in high school. I didn't get in anywhere except tulane. I was devestated. My whole world had crumbled. I thought I was a shoe in at Pomona and that I was so durn cool I'd probably get in elsewhere too. I was already planning on taking a year off. I didn't really want to go to Tulane and wanted to reapply, but through a lot of convincing and a lot of being told I couldn't do any better, I decided I would. Then during my year someoen turned me on to the thought that maybe I COULD do it, and I again considered reapplying. My parents were totally against it, and basically killed my confidence by saying I wouldn't get in, I wasn't smart enough to go to Brown, etc. They were trying to avoid giving me false hope so I woudln't be crushed again, but ended up crippling my ability to function and my ability to think clearly and figure out what <em>I</em> actually wanted (not what they told me I wanted). I was also in such mourning and going through self-blame for what I did wrong in my applications and high school career that I spent more time wallowing in misery than I did in making my applications good. I half a**ed my applications (which is exactly what I don't want your friend to do), didn't apply to many schools and again didn't get in (though waitlisted at Brown). Again I was devestated -- not so much at not getting in, but that I didn't do my best and show all of who I am to the admiss committes. I went to Tulane with an open mind that maybe I would like it, but that in my heart of hearts knew that I wanted to apply to transfer to Brown. I told my parents they needed to help me stay confident. I still got opposition -- my sister told me I couldn't do it, that I wouldn't make the grades and needed to move on. But I tried my best to believe I could do it, worked my butt off, and finally put together some emmaculate applications. I GOT IN. Never been happier. Sure, the "college thing" didn't go like I planned, but that's okay. Nothing ever does. </p>
<p>Moral of the story: setbacks can be overcome. It really stinks that this happened, and yes, he made a foolish mistake. But if he wallows in his mistakes like I did, he won't be able to do what it takes to overcome them. There is one thing worse than failure and false hope, and that is self-pity and not trying your best.</p>