Did I write an off topic essay? Amherst College

<p>Prompt: Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.” </p>

<p>Multiple sclerosis- a genetic disease in which the body destroys its own myelin thereby creating lesions in the brain and the spinal cord; induces numbing body pain, psychological and psychiatric problems, loss of neural control and paralysis; currently untreatable.
This is what my father was diagnosed with last year. He showed a report which portrayed his spinal cord riddled with holes. It came as a big blow to all of us, especially me. It was very painful for me to watch the changes in him. His gait changed from one of a proud, strong man to that of a struggler. His strength decreased. He became frailer. Every Saturday, my father takes painful injections containing interferons and then is unwell all Sunday. I feel very unhappy watching him this way.
Last year- 11th grade was when my father was diagnosed with MS. I lost all hope in life then. It was like my world had come undone around me. My concentration in class dipped, grades took a deep dive. My mom then took me aside one day and spoke to me about it. She told me that my father had lived a very happy life. If I would give up hope then I would be a major cause for unhappiness in his life. I realized the truth in her words. I realized that I had to be strong and make my dad proud. I also came to grasps with the idea that maybe in a few 5-10 years, I would have to forge ahead on my own. However, I realized then that whatever may happen, my father will always be by my side wishing the best for me. He will always have his smile for me and I have to strive hard to keep that smile intact.</p>

<p>Since this prompt is not a question it does not look for an answer ;then again IMO the essay could be made more concise</p>

<p>Kinda. Maybe elaborate a bit on urself and how ur fathers diagnosis helped grow. Right now, ur essay is a sob case. Cut the definition out in the beginning, make it more concise. And curtail ur fathers situation to no more than a paragraph. The rest should be about you</p>

<p>Guys I finished applying ED</p>

<p>Wait, this essay is submitted? Okay, no issue. Its fine then. I believe commonapp allows three revisions to ur essay. If u want to of course, if u feel its fine, then no worries</p>