<p>Hi, I'm applying to several UC schools and would really appreciate feedback on an essay I wrote. I can't afford to have a professional look it over. I've seen some great critiques on this site so I'm hopeful someone can help. Don't worry about hurting my feelings...I can take it! Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>Prompt:
Describe the world you come from, your family, community, or school. Tell how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>The greatest influence on my future aspirations has been my family, particularly my mom. I was only six months old when she woke up and could barely see out of her left eye. It was the last in a string of unusual symptoms that finally led to her diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS), a degenerative neurological disease. My moms condition is one of those things that has always been a part of my life. Her illness and its impact on our family has helped shape who I am and what I want to do in life.</p>
<p>My moms disability from MS has advanced slowly over the years. I have witnessed on a regular basis the difficulties it creates for her in accomplishing tasks most of us take for granted. Some days are better for her than others. MS is like that, very unpredictable. My mom can go from being happy and active one day and then wake up the next morning barely able to walk. However, even when the disease is at its worst, she is always hopeful. She is encouraged by recent medical advances and believes a cure may soon be found. </p>
<p>Witnessing my moms struggles has allowed me to see firsthand how new medications help control her symptoms and slow the diseases progression. Her illness had also introduced me to a variety of medical equipment. These devices have made me keenly aware of how advances in medical technology can improve a persons quality of life. For example, a brace helps my mom walk by delivering an electrical impulse causing her leg muscles to contract. She is able to walk better and trips less because of it. </p>
<p>Through my connection with MS, I became involved with the MS Society. By volunteering at our local MS Society office, I have had the opportunity to see the many ways this disease impacts other individuals and families. I have also participated in the MS Walk fundraiser annually for several years. This year I co-captained our team and raised almost $2600. The money will go to fund clinical research to help those suffering from MS. </p>
<p>My contacts with MS have helped form my ambition of making life easier for people suffering from chronic neurologic illnesses and injuries. Like my mom, I am optimistic that advances can and will be made in the near future. That is why I want to pursue a career in medicine, clinical research, or engineering where I can make a meaningful contribution. Having a parent with a chronic disease has allowed me to see that meaningful progress is being made on a regular basis. Cures and treatments are being discovered and employed. Because of my mom, I want to be part of that process.</p>