No, never! Did not care what fields our two daughters chose to pursue, nor influenced them or discussed financial aspect of career choices.
One is in the performing arts and one is in the field of architecture. Both were expected to fully support themselves after their final graduation. Both are successfully working in their chosen professions and have supported themselves from the day they got their final degrees, which in my performing arts daughter’s case was age 20. Neither ever lived at home or got any money from parents once they graduated. Each own the apartment they live in without parental help as well, and in fact, in Manhattan.
I will add that in the case of performing arts kid, all of her jobs have been in theater and music (she studied musical theater in college), and not misc. survival jobs. It is a very difficult field to make it in, and no job lasts a long time. She has earned all of her income from her field.
I simply told my son that he should do something where his interest and talent intersect, whatever it is. But guess what? He ended up choosing CS in artificial intelligence (highly financially rewarding) and he’s going to pursue a PhD in that field starting this fall (not necessarily financially rewarding).
By “not necessarily financial rewarding” I meant the financial impact of his choice. He knows he’s giving up at least $1m over the next few years (based on what his classmates earn, who went straight to industry).
This is correct. The PhD itself pays some 40k a year vs 200k in industry. So you are looking at an average 200k x (4 to 5 years) difference in cash flow over the period.
No, but we did set the expectation that they would support themselves on their own after graduation.
DD completed a degree in Theater, to which she added a degree in Women and Gender Studies…neither of which are a great earnings move. However, after graduation she landed a fantastic, high paying job that uses both degrees. I think a big part of this was that she was hustling for theater employment during college…which not only showed her how hard/impractical making a living as a performing artist is, but gave her strongly developed networking/diversifying/opportunity-seeking skills. So she is an example of ‘follow your passion and the money will follow’, which is amazing.
DS was considering earnings potential while a high school senior thinking about possible majors, and all we did there was have discussions about the earnings potential for undergrad vs grad degrees in that field, and what we would pay for.
Never. I think all of us need to find our own way of finding what fulfills us, in every aspect of life, from career (or job), partner (or solo), kids (or none), lifestyle (how we live), and even where we live.
I’m a bit shocked that people are thumbs downing or rolling eyes at some of the posts here. People are sharing what works for their family. Every family is different. Let’s aim for common courtesy. Please.
I don’t roll my eyes on here often but one post in particular was offensive and out of touch with what it means to be poor, hungry, and homeless and it was likely said by someone who has never been.
@janemommy49 As a point of reference, my immediate family was middle class. My daughters received need based aid. I took out parent loans to pay for a chunk of it. I have not supported my daughters financially since they earned their final degrees.
I very much disagree with you about not advising such kids to major in humanities or the arts. For one thing, I believe in pursuing one’s genuine interests. For another thing, one’s major in college doesn’t dictate the only field of work they can do in their work lives.
I also pursued a low paying field, education, back in my day.
I fully supported whatever interest/major my kids wanted to pursue in college. And it all worked out fine and they have 100% supported themselves following graduation in their chosen fields.
Not sure why you have put this down (a few negative and mocking emojis to my first post on this thread). There is a need for people in the humanities and the arts. You don’t have to be rich to consider these fields.
I believe in allowing my adult children to pursue their own goals and dreams, whatever those may be. They knew from the start that they would be expected to support themselves once they finished their schooling. And they have. I might add that both are quite successful and have achieved a lot for their age.
We discussed different majors with our kids, but didn’t dictate what they could/should study.
I know others here may disagree, but I do think it’s reasonable/responsible to put limitations on kids college and major choices, especially if parents are paying 100%. I do not think it’s OK to tell the kid they must major in a certain thing.
We were full pay (outside of merit scholarships), and we encouraged one kid to “follow the money” to a school other than the one they were initially leaning towards. We said we can only afford X amount, and if you go to that school you will need to take Y in loans, but let the kid make the choice. We refused to consider taking on substantial debt or to sign for our kids to take on substantial debt (would have been fine with the federal loans allowed for undergrad, but not all of the money we paid plus another $100K, for example). At the end of the day we paid for all of undergrad for all kids.
We did tell one kid we would not/could not pay for a degree related to acting at a very high priced college in a VHCOL location.
Told another he might not be able to go to another very expensive college he was interested in because we couldn’t reasonably afford it, school didn’t give much merit money, and we didn’t want kid to be saddled with a ton of debt. Kid wound up not applying, despite encouragement to go ahead and apply, but if kid had applied and had gotten in, we may have actually considered it, because it was a college world renowned for likely major, and a major we may have considered “worth in.”
I’m not sure why my post upthread rated the thumbs down and eyeroll emoji. I said that I know some young people who went into high paying careers who are miserable. I think most of us know folks who that happened to.
I admire the support that parents of students in the humanities or arts give their kids. To be totally honest, I would be freaking out is one of our kids was pursuing a humanities degree. While I want our kids to chase what interests them I also want them to be secure in their financial futures and that’s easier to do in some fields.
Our S16 is happy, fulfilled, and financially strong with a very marketable BS and MS in CS specializing in machine learning. Our D22 starts college in the fall - interested in ME and potentially med school. All in all, they have reduced my anxiety in their chosen areas of study.
Just saying, I didn’t have anxiety as to whether my kids could support themselves and be successful. They are driven types as well as the high achieving type. They worked in their fields every summer during their college years (they didn’t live at home and we didn’t pay anything for their summers). I’m not truly caught up as some are in what someone majors in. I don’t think that alone dictates getting work or being successful. I DO think education is important, and earning a degree, no matter what the major. There are tons of people in the work world doing jobs that are not related to their college major (though my kids ARE in careers directly related to their college majors).
Wouldn’t that depend on the kids’ spending habits?
Someone who can live comfortably on $20k per year has many more financially viable career path options than someone who feels that $200k per year will barely make ends meet.
Also, student loan (or any other) debt that one starts with forces the minimum pay level upward.
I think your children are truly exceptional to be so driven. I can understand parental anxiety - what if one has children not so driven, who haven’t discovered their thing by the time they apply to college? Is it wrong to push them towards something that they are good at, that is financially more rewarding than something else?