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<p>Thank you, mom 483. D had a very similar experience. She attended her dream school, but while she did socialize and made some close friends, spent much of her time studying and interning. Like you it took me awhile to realize that it was a far different experience than the one I had in college which revolved around being social and having fun while getting by in classes. It paid off for her as she is now working in a job she loves, but it was a different experience indeed.</p>
<p>My daughter fell in love with Scripps the moment she set foot on campus. But over time, she came to see that Wellesley would be a better fit for her. I don’t think she settled, I think she looked at the decision both rationally and emotionally, and made her choice.</p>
<p>Choosing was the hard part. Once she made a decision and committed to it fully, she never looked back. Now she is excited to start school, and fully engaged in the whole process of taking placement exams, choosing classes, picking out room d</p>
<p>I was nagging my d’14 about college visits a few days ago. She really hasn’t picked any. I say, “How about this one?” And she says, “Ok.” Like you, I really wanted her to get excited about something. This time, I’m suggesting she get a little more involved, and she turns to me and says, “You do know I’ll be happy anywhere, right?”</p>
<p>I like your daughter’s practical approach to college–taking her time to research if indeed the university is a good fit for her rather than picking one based on the emotion of “love at first sight.” It may be an insight to how she will pick a future lifelong partner.</p>
<p>Dream school is one of the phrases that I would strike from the College Confidential lexicon if I could. (Others include upward trend, crap shoot, prestige and any variation on rank the Ivies.)</p>
<p>I agree with the majority: falling in love is inviting heartbreak, whether the object of your affection is a person or an institution. One of the wisest things my undergraduate has ever done was to have a short list of universities she really liked–where she believed she could be admitted and be successful and happy–without “falling in love” with any of them. I’ll admit, when she was applying, I kept pressing her to have a first choice, and she resisted. In hindsight I see that, in this respect at least, she was a lot smarter than I was.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone. Guess is just a different generation. I looked at 2 schools and decided on the one without the high out-of-state tuition. Of course, I did fall for both but loved the one I chose. Practical daughter will find the one she is happy with in the end. Still visiting colleges. Did I mention I had 2 to chose from? She has at least 5…no wait, I think it is 6 now. Boy, things have changed in the past 30 plus years:)</p>
<p>Our S assumed he would “bloom where planted,” as long as he selected the schools where he applied. We did take him to tour many campuses over the years, which helped him narrow his list and criteria (largish, urban, warm-weather U" with good engineering. He had long considered one U his safety and said he’d be happy to attend. We tried to persuade him that it wasn’t really a safety (quite selective and rejected his physics lab partner). Turned out, he was accepted there with great merit, as well as a few other Us. He was content to choose and attend the U. </p>
<p>D also applied there and was accepted as a transfer. It was the only U she applied to and was very happy there. </p>
<p>Wouldn’t be concerned if the student isn’t “in love” with U. Think there’s a lot to be said for bloom where planted.</p>
<p>I didn’t fall in love or settle. I was told that I was going to the university in my hometown, where just about everybody from my hometown went. I did graduate debt-free and my parents even picked up my sorority dues, but it would have been nice to be given a choice.
So when S1 starting looking, I think I lived vicariously through him a little bit. He was sold on one school (ironically, the one I graduated from) but I insisted he look at two others just so he could make an informed choice. He did like one of them better than the school he attends now, but he wasn’t passionate about it. He was accepted there but go no merit aid, so he went to his second choice, with merit aid, and has never looked back. He’s made great friends and has had opportunities in his major he never would have had otherwise.</p>
<p>I think the kids who"fall in love" with a college are unable to think critically about their choices. Most of the time, that works out fine, because in truth, the colleges usually have more similarities than differences. However, D1 fell in love with a school that should have been a safety for her, and didn’t seriously consider several other excellent schools she was accepted to that probably would have been better fits. Ultimately she was accepted to a reach school, and decided (reluctantly) to attend… within three months, she concluded that attending the school she had originally fallen in love with would have been a mistake. (Is she right? Probably, but who knows?) I would rather have a kid approach his/her choices dispassionately than be convinced that there’s only one “right” school out there.</p>
<p>My daughter never fell in love with a school and her choice came down to a very practical reason: scholarship money.</p>
<p>It’s funny, when I had to decide between three universities in 1978, I liked them all. And they were very different from each other, in terms of location, size, atmosphere. In the end I chose the state flagship (PSU) simply because I didn’t see the point of asking my parents to pay private school tuition if I didn’t feel strongly about it. Turns out I loved Penn State and love it to this day … But I also think I would have been totally fine with my other two choices as well. Sometimes there is more than one “best” choice. Actually, I think there usually is - it’s just that so many fixate on one place and can’t see the merits of the other options they have.</p>
<p>My S “fell in love” with a school enough to apply ED. (My belief is that his attraction was primarily based on having toured on a gorgeous day accompanied by a student guide who was fantastic.) He hated it and transferred after his freshman year. D was smarter and applied to a list of schools that seemed appealing and suitable. No “love” involved, but her choice worked out fine. I don’t think the experience of visiting a school tells anyone very much about what it will be like to attend, so falling in love with a college based on a visit seems misguided.</p>
<p>D1 was infatuated with Columbia based on the location and what she thought she would like about a school. She was crushed when she was rejected. But as a very adaptable young person, she soon shifted her attention to the next choice down where she was accepted. I think before she showed up on campus she felt she was settling, but she fell head over heels in love with Cornell during the Orientation Week. She loved everything about the school (except the weather, maybe) and had 4 great years there.</p>
<p>D1’s love for Cornell probably spilled over a bit to D2, but D2 didn’t allow herself to love a school too much because she remembered how crushed her sister was over her first choice. She ED at Cornell, but mentally was prepared to love others if she didn’t get in. She just finished her first year there, said she had a very good year. With friends she has made, various ECs she is in and the academic program she got in, I don’t think she could see herself anywhere else now.</p>
<p>@MD Mom - my father, God rest his soul, used to tell me “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one.” I guess the same thing holds true for colleges.</p>
<p>Both my S’s went to big instate public u’s. Both applied and were accepted before visiting the campuses. Not overly excited but happy to be going to schools they liked with friends they knew fr. h.s.</p>
<p>The love affair didn’t happen until they got on campus freshman year. S1 loved it immediately. S2 took a little longer but by spring semester he was completely onboard.
They’ve both graduated now and still love their schools. S1 has plans to move back to his college city in a few years and S2 recently told someone that his time at big state u. was the best four years of his life.</p>
<p>My D neither fell in love nor settled. She would have been perfectly happy to go to any of the 5 schools to which she applied. Each one had things she really liked and a one or two things she didn’t. Her biggest fear (unrealistic, since she applied to 2 matches and 3 safeties) was that she wouldn’t get in anywhere; her second biggest fear was getting into all of them and having to choose one. But choose one she did, and I’m pretty sure she loves it now that she’s been there for a year.</p>
<p>For grad and undergrad D only applied to “good fits”. “Love” (more often than not) is blind.
Sure, there were schools that made her a little weak in the knees…but we both knew that the app process is in many ways a crap shoot , there was no use getting your heart broken and she was determined not fall 'in love" until she knew the bottom line (aka financials). And no…she did not “settle”. The schools that she went to allowed her to graduate without debt. The enabled her to stay in love with her choices well after graduation.</p>
<p>D fell in love with her school when she visited- but didn’t tell anyone until she got in! It was a real reach for her. She graduated in in May and is working in a niche market in her field. Although she worked her butt off in college, she had a ton of fun as well.</p>
<p>S enrolled in his school sight unseen. He had an OK experience, graduated in '11 and has worked overseas since - in a country whose language he majored in. He’s definitely enjoying the post-college years infinitely more. </p>
<p>Different strokes…</p>
<p>S fell in love with one school, but was sensible enough to realize that it was a reach. He had 4 second-choice schools he would have been happy with (although I wasn’t happy with one of the second choice schools because it was thin in his major). Fortunately he got into the #1 (naturally, the most expensive of all he applied to), and still loves it.</p>
<p>My older son didn’t even apply to his dream school, because we couldn’t afford it and knew he wouldn’t get enough merit aid to make it affordable. He probably would have been happy at any of the schools he applied to, except our state flagship, which was his safety. He picked one where he got a hefty scholarship, and likes it enough to return this fall. My younger son only wants to go to our state flagship, and he has spent multiple summers attending for credit programs there. He is not really interested in looking anywhere else. I don’t know that I’d say he fell in love with it, bit the combination of cost, available majors, fun to be had, and other factors make it a great fit for him. I just hope he gets in!</p>