Different college for a "recovering" child?

Parents Forum
1

I am reposting this into the parents forum. Initial post was in the College Search and Selection forum. Same post but I tried to make a bit more clear.

My child was attending a good high school on the east coast and by all accounts doing well mid-way through junior year. GPA was UW 3.47 and Weighted 4.0. Mainly Honors and AP courses, no ECs to speak of, but lots of service hours. Turns out there were lots of problems going on (substance abuse, skipping school, etc) and we (i.e., parents) decided a therapeutic boarding school was the best option.

Child would have graduated from high school in June 16 but will now graduate December 15 from the boarding school. Credits will be from the former high school and the boarding school. Seems as if things are now better but only time and successfully dealing with temptations will tell. Current plans are to take the ACT in October. Child has indicated that he/she wants to go to college and all have decided it’s best to start at community college in January 16 and I am pushing for a part-time job also. My gut tells me to do CC for 1-2 years to get an idea how things are going before transferring to a 4 year uni, mom/child want to do CC initially but begin college Fall 2016. I am uncertain re their plan but maybe it’s ok as long as CC and behaviors are reasonable.

Initial conversations with the boarding school have indicated that colleges will not look negatively at the credits from the boarding school and many have gone on to college (most have actually graduated from their high schools though). Does anyone have experience with this type of issue? Child also went to a Wilderness program and is receiving credits from there too. What types of colleges could child get accepted to (same as if they graduated from a regular high school)? We would prefer east coast, probably MD, VA, NC, SC area. Child will not qualify for any aid but we have spent significant sums to date and need to keep reasonable. I am withholding state for privacy issues.

Thanks very much for any advice on the colleges or similar situations and lessons learned.

2

I would PM Hanna, as she is an expert in this field.

3

Purely anecdotal, but we have a friend whose child has similar stats and circumstances. Did junior year at a therapeutic boarding school. She’ll be attending one of the “seven sisters” colleges next year. Wishing all the best to your child and your family for continued recovery and success.

4

My friend’s daughter went on to a 4 year college straight from her therapeutic boarding school. Did fine, graduated on time and is working.

5

It is nice to hear some success stories. When you are in the middle of going through it, seems hard to be positive! Thanks to all for your comments!!

6

Thanks for the PM, @mhty87k. I hope I can be helpful for you.

For other readers, I’ll share that I am reluctant to give advice in a delicate, high-stakes case like this without getting a great deal of background about the family, speaking with the student, etc. That said, I can comment generally that I see lots of students in this situation go on to be successful in college and career if they can stay in recovery. Going to the therapeutic program is not an inherent problem in an application, but it is essential for the student to explain the path to recovery and beyond in a sincere, convincing way.

7

Your choices will have to be highly personalized, of course, but I do see that Augsburg College in St. Paul, MN, might have a program that might be a fit. Obviously not the East Coast, but the college has had a specialty in students in recovery.

8

I’m in way over my head here, but I’ll offer my suggestions anyway.

First and foremost, I would speak to my child’s guidance counselor at the boarding school. A “therapeutic boarding school” would most certainly have the experience to give you the advice you need. In addition, they know your child.

Secondly, unless they advised otherwise, I would strongly consider distance as a primary factor in looking at schools. If your child is starting to flounder, you want him/her to have the ability to get home easily. More weekend visits home mean you have a much better ability to gauge how things are going for yourselves.

Thirdly, and Hanna or anyone else, please feel free to correct me here-- I would want to find a college where my child could get right into an AA/NA program on campus. Maybe consider the respective websites or those organizations, to see whether any of the schools your’re considering have a meeting on-- or near-- campus. Or have your child speak to his/her sponsor, to see if the sponsor can get the information on meetings. Everything I know about recovery-- and it’s all hearsay-- tells me that continued recovery hinges on those meetings, so it would be a primary factor in school selection.

Finally, our local CC would not be the place I would send a child like this. Don’t get me wrong-- I went there and it’s a great school. But a student body of 23,000 means that a kid who is floundering is on his own. I would look for a small local school, where my son or daughter would have more of a safety net.

But, again, speak to the guidance/ college placement office at your child’s boarding school.

The best of luck to you and your child!

9

A lot depends on which therapeutic boarding school your son attended. The academics vary quite a bit. The SAT/ACT will be important, of course. You will want a college with support services- High Point might be an option.

10

In general, I think the CC option for at risk students is a good idea, however, I wonder about the factors that led to the issues. If they are related to something at home- peer influence, family issues, then returning the child will also re-introduce him to those factors. This doesn’t mean that the CC idea isn’t the best one- as it is just as easy for the student to find new peers and face similar issues far away from home.

I will assume that the boarding program has dealt with these concerns before sending the child back home and there are arrangements for continuing therapy for student and family when he returns.

After attending a CC, a college will consider the grades, transcripts, and credits from that CC in addition to the high school record.

I tend to be financially cautious about sending at risk students away to colleges. If they do not succeed away from home, the resulting debt/cost is significant. CC allows them to transition to college at a lower cost/risk, and in some states,the CC’s are quite good for this.

I think you did a great job of getting him the help he needs. I am not a therapist, but as a parent, I would be concerned about the transition from a high support high school to a college with little support. I would also be sensitive to his return home as that is a transition too.

11

I know kids with this kind of background who have gone on to colleges and done fine. I know one who went on to college and had one medical leave due to relapse, and then resumed and finished. I know kids with subtance abuse or psychiatric disorders who have done the community college route, for a certificate, for an AA, or just for some courses, and it has also worked out. For that matter, a kid can take classes as a non-matriculating student at any university that allows that, on campus or online. I know one who left school and is working in fast food: there should be more opportunities for kids for whom college is not a fit, regardless of substance abuse and recovery, but that is another topic.

The wilderness experience is a big plus. Some college admissions offices love outliers who have done interesting things. I know one kid who did cc for much of senior year of high school due to depression, who did a wilderness program, and got into every one of his 8 schools, all schools you have heard of with excellent programs.

There is not enough information in the original post to say much more, and privacy is a wise concern.

The real challenge in recovery is youth and peers, in any context, who are still drugging or imbibing. One of my children has a medical problem that prohibits drugs or drinking. At the very least, she is often bored while others partake. A student with previous problems in this area really needs a peer group, whether through an anonymous group like AA or NA or a support group of some kind on campus.

Whatever your child does, make sure

  1. your child registers with the disabilties office for accommodations and support (CC’s and some colleges will offer a weekly advising session in the disabilities office, others offer a similar resource in a different way); this will require some documentation from a professional but you can write the letter and list accommodations needed
  2. you purchase tuition refund insurance (check how they view withdrawal due to relapse with addiction)
  3. your child makes use of every possible resource for support, including the meetings (if they work for him/her), counseling, peer groups, advising etc.etc.

The important thing for you to hold onto is that many different paths will work: there is no one way. And things can zig and zag a bit, and take time. There are many ways to do college, and timetables can vary.

Most of all, I think the course of action needs to be determined by your child. This is very important. Even if mistakes are made. Owning the decisions and the results is essential, though that does not mean you can’t support and guide and serve as a sounding board. What does he/she want to do. Does he/she want to do school? What kind?

Some of the best people I know have substance abuse issues. Look to the positives in your child and have faith in him/her. That trust can be a huge motivator and your relationship will be an important factor in recovery. Encourage decisions based on positives as well, as much as possible.

12

Do CC + job, then transition to a nearby college that will take all the CC credits at the right time.

Depending on how it goes, you can do CC one or two or three semesters as well as summer classes. You are building up college credits, keeping the costs down and getting a lot of time to observe and work with the kid.

Go ahead and do the college apps and get an acceptance in the bag. Very easy to then defer the college start for a semester or two or three. All things being equal, consider a close to home college.

You want to avoid a drain on your finances (already somewhat depleted by wilderness and boarding school) and a potential academic setback for the kid. Protect your money and your kid’s college transcript until the kid is really ready. Waiting, deferring and keeping the kid close to home are most often the ticket.

13

Did the child like the wilderness program? This child may have learned to relieve stress and pressure by hiking, kayaking, bird watching, camping, mountain biking. Sure those things can be done from an urban school, but the student has to search for the opportunities and travel a little. At some schools these opportunities abound by opening the door and walking out, like Utah, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming.

14

That’s not the type of wilderness program the OP referenced. I suspect it was one for struggling teens.

15

What other kind of wilderness is there? The ones I know of for struggling teens involve hiking, camping, survival. Several in Utah.

16

They don’t involve mountain biking and kayaking. They are extremely therapeutic and your shoes are taken away at night. This isn’t Outward Bound.

17

I’m confused. Perhaps the OP could clarify. Was this a “wilderness experience therapeutic boarding school”…or not.

18

I am no expert in this by any means, but I will say that in our D’s search process two colleges REALLY stood out to me as loving, nurturing places – places where a student would NOT slip through the cracks.

Goucher College and Lawrence University. Goucher fits the bill for location for you – we visited there and honestly the president and the professors seemed amazing! As for LU, I have heard nothing but amazing things about them!

19

Maybe I’m wrong- it could have been a non-therapeutic wilderness program since the child was receiving credits. It looks like the OP has flown the coop, though.

20

That’s funny Debra, I PM’ed the original poster about Goucher!