<p>That’s great news, momma-three. I think you have a very meaningful Thanksgiving in store for you next week. :)</p>
<p>Momma-three, I am so happy for the progress your daughter has made and what that means to your entire family. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a kind and caring mom. I wish your family a wonderful Thanksgiving as I know you have much that you’re thankful for. Thank you for sharing your story; you have touched the hearts of many people here. Sending prayers for continued successes!</p>
<p>Blossom your comments are very true, too often we think “modeling” behavior is exclusive to “good things.” Growing up my parents never, never argued or uttered any kind of negative comments and never discussed conflicts or difficulties. It took many years of adult hood to accept criticism and failure in the workplace and I still struggle with “fear of failure” and it took me many years to have healthy relationships with guys until I learned how to argue and stand my ground. Fortunately I learned what you are saying along the way both with my kids (and my husband - we argue/negotiate plenty in a healthy way. LOL) I think my kids are better adjusted to cope with the world than I was at their age.</p>
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<p>This is very, very well put. When you are depressed/anxious, you think that IS normal until you know better. You don’t realize that you don’t have to feel so bad, that it doesn’t have to be this hard.
mommathree – So glad to hear your good news.</p>
<p>To goaliedad-- Once again, a brilliant example of how words could have a magnificent meaning. You have an amazing way of making a point crystal clear. Thankyou once again and I will come back to read this post often…it will not be forgotten.</p>
<p>Thanks again to all for the well wishes. I have prayed for this day for what has seemed like a very long time. My daughter has work to do so she can take the steps forward but she is on her way. This has not been easy but I am grateful for the good fortune that has been given to our family. We will all keep working together and I look forward to updating you because I now know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thankyou all for reminding me of that when I found it very hard to see the possibility. </p>
<p>HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!!!</p>
<p>The Thanksgiving break was difficult for our daughter. Her long distant sort of boyfriend was in, as well as friends from town and our sons. My daughter looked like she was ready to self implode. The anxiety level was up and she was not able to deal with all of the social demands that she thought she needed to be part of. I am so glad she is not going back to the previous school she attended.</p>
<p>I really don’t like this knew boyfriend. I can’t really explain why but I find him irritating and obnoxious. He is very self assured and pompous, not a humble bone in his body. But that is not the reason that I dont like him…I just don’t trust his character. Daughter always seems so irritated when he is around which has only been twice since he left for far off school in August. He brings out the worst in her and I am so annoyed that he was here while she started to make such good progress.
Question to all the wise folks on CC—Should I or we shut our mouths regarding the boyfriend even though his presence seems to set her off. I would love to tell him where to go and it is not where the sun shines, but I would not do that. I have talked to her about how she felt over the long weekend and she said that it was all too much for her. The road has many bumps along the the way and I could see there is much paving to do.</p>
<p>"Question to all the wise folks on CC—Should I or we shut our mouths regarding the boyfriend even though his presence seems to set her off. "</p>
<p>Unless you feel that he is literally a danger to her – physically abusive – don’t talk to her about your concerns. Doing so may cause her to cling closer to him. </p>
<p>Continue to be kind to him, while at the same time mentioning to your daughter information about relationships that you admire.</p>
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<p>Perfect advice.</p>
<p>Our daughter came home at Christmas and soon received a letter from school saying don’t bother coming back, you are almost flunking out so we’re putting you on probation for a year, we want you to grow up and rethink why you want to be here. [Thank you, Guilford.] There had been a midterm warning letter but she ignored it. First time in her life she couldn’t charm some teacher or coach. SHOCK AND MORE SHOCK. Luckily she had one option: local community college. She lived at home for 2 semesters, bored and lonesome, all her friends were gone. Her self-loathing was real and she had lots of time to regret the partying. She got very good cc grades and was allowed back in and is doing great. Many of her partying friends flunked out and didn’t come back. We decided she’d do better back at a challenging college with the chance to fix her screwup than be punished with our not-so-good community college for another year. We knew this second chance would push her button, for this girl, it would motivate. So far, so good. </p>
<p>Financially though, those F’s were wasted money. We’ll frame that first semester transcript and wrap it up as a wedding present. Friends had the same first semester partying problem with their son. They told him community college or nothing. He’s been starting and dropping community college courses pretty much for the past three years. Depends on the kid.</p>
<p>Thankyou, Northstarmom and Mantori… The winter break is coming and the "boyfriend will be back again. I should probably keep quiet because these things have a way of working themselves out on their own. I remember my daughter did the Christmas drop last year with her then long term boyfriend, so I will wait this out. I really do not like this young man but he is not abusive only pompous and probably dishonest…yuck. He claims to have frequent flyer miles as a result of a job with “the company” he works for. He turned 19 this year…so what job could he have that is flying him all over the place that he is acruing frequent flyer mileage. He also is a hard science major, in a frat, is renting an apartment with friends and claims to pay his bills from his own earnings. I thought I would lose it when he said that he will be helping his parents pay for siblings higher education. My daughter really believes he is so spectacular that this company “hired him at 17” and they just can’t do without him.</p>
<p>Magnoliamom…Thankyou so much for your kind words. I have read many of your posts and we think the same about many things. Have a wonderful holiday season!!!</p>