Difficult LGBT/sexual abuse issue and transferring..help

Transfer Students
1

<p>Due to the nature of this issue, I'm trying to remain vague because I don't want too many identifying characteristics floating around on the web. I very much appreciate any advice you might have for me.</p>

<p>Currently, I am a lesbian-identified student entering my 2nd year at UCLA, and after a horrible year, am applying as a transfer to UCB, and Stanford. </p>

<p>This is my problem: My current GPA is a 3.49, and my quarter GPAs were 2.76, 3.8, and 4.0. My first quarter at UCLA I performed horribly in classes that I should have done well in.</p>

<p>However, there were some significant extenuating circumstances. Basically, everything that could go wrong, did. Despite my best efforts to be friendly, my roommates (who were friends previously) were hostile from the beginning. One day, they accidentally discovered I was gay through a flyer for a LGBT group I had left on my desk. AFter this, the abuse became almost unbearable. Neither one would speak to me at all except to yell or complain about something, and would blast the TV/talk loudly on the phone for sometimes (no exaggeration) more than 5 or 6 hours at a time, making it impossible to do homework in the room. Whenever they needed to change their clothes, they would force me to leave the room (even wake me up if I were sleeping), because they assumed that I, being a "dyke", would look at them while they were changing. </p>

<p>I would also find notes in the trash they had passed back and forth to each other about what a "fag" and a "dyke" I was. At night, they would both watch TV/keep all the lights on until 2 or 3 am. Even with my earplugs in, I would be unable to sleep, and any polite attempts to ask them to turn it off would be met with more obscenities. About 3 times a week I would be forced to sleep on the couches in a lounge downstairs. All the stress from this caused me to become ill, making me miss class and fall behind, and the lack of sleep caused me fall asleep in class frequently.
Eventually, I was able to secure a room transfer, but by that time the damage had been done. </p>

<p>At the same time, I was in the process of breaking up with a boyfriend at school (one of my only friends as well, because I had no friends going into my first quarter and was having a hard time fitting in) because I finally had accepted the fact that I was gay. We tried to remain friends, but he was very upset about me breaking up with him, and kept trying to convince me that I wasn't actually gay, which wasn't true. This all culminated at a party, the aftermath of which I was sexually assaulted. </p>

<p>I reported the assault to my RA/dean, as well as the police. An investigation was ongoing, but the stress of having to relive the event over and over in my mind, tell 4-6 complete strangers every minute detail, was bringing me to the point where I was having severe panic attacks/fainting. Additionally, going to court (which was likely) would be a huge problem because I would have to fly down from the SF Bay area to LA, at which point my parents would probably find out what had happened. For my own mental health and safety (the investigation went on until early this summer, and I was having issues at my outdoor internship), under the advice of a school psychiatrist I had been consulting I asked the police and the school to drop the case. </p>

<p>The huge isssue is that my parents do not know I am gay, and they do not know I was assaulted. My parents are extremely homophobic. My uncle was completely cut off from the family when it was discovered he was gay. My parents have had some suspicions about my sexuality, and the resulting conflict resulted in many, many depressing years, even thoughts of suicide.
At one point, my parents discovered through an accident that I'd volunteered at a UCLA LGBT rights conference. The result were a barrage of threats, including the idea of my tuition $ being taken away. </p>

<p>So, that concludes my long back story. If you had made it this far, thank you. Basically, in my applications, I want to include all this. I'm doing better now, but these events profoundly affected me. However, I am not sure if it is appropriate. I don't want to seem like I am whining/making up excuses. Please advise me...</p>

2

<p>I don’t have any advice for you, but I am so sorry you went through all of this. I hope you transfer to a school that is LGBT friendly and can turn things around. Good luck!</p>

3

<p>Hi. I’m really sorry to hear about your problems your freshmen year. You picked good schools to try and transfer to (especially UCB, which is where I transferred from, as it is very gay friendly… plus it has a huge lesbian population that seems very supportive of one another). Your GPA might be a little low for Stanford, however, I think you have a good shot at UCB, especially with your story. </p>

<p>It’s kind of a tricky balancing act in these applications. While they will definitely be interested in your story, you also need to complement it with reasons why you want to transfer to UCB/Stanford (rather than just reasons why you want to leave UCLA). You also want to be compelling with your story, but I would be careful about victimizing yourself too much (I know that seems insensitive given the serious nature of the harassment and assault, but part of the application process is selling yourself to the colleges).</p>

4

<p>Thank you LilyMoon and MagiTF for the responses.</p>

<p>MagiTF: Yeah, the whole victimization thing was the reason why I was unsure about mentioning what had happened. But, there are other reasons I’m wishing to transfer. Mainly, I’m looking for a strong environmental program, access to art classes/studios, access to outdoor activities and a school with a different student body feeling (I’d describe UCLA as “wannabe Hollywood”). I also plan to talk about some of the things I was involved in at UCLA, as well as a competitive internship in my field of interest I worked this summer. So, this would be the bulk of my essays. </p>

<p>I’d save the LGBT issue for the “personal hardship” essay question as I don’t want it to be the only impression they get.</p>

<p>Thanks again</p>

5

<p>Good luck and please know that there ARE places where you’ll fit in and be accepted.</p>

6

<p>That is just horrible. I’m sorry to hear all of that. </p>

<p>As far as transfering goes, you have an upward trend since your first quarter, which counts for a lot. Some colleges would just write that off as culture shock, but obviously you have even more in-depth reasons.</p>

<p>One thing I would caution you against however is to “diss” UCLA in your transfer essay. Especially in your application to UCB and other UCs. Please don’t use the words “wannabe hollywood” in your essay to a school within the same system. </p>

<p>This is really sad to hear, especially because I thought UCLA was one of the more progressive schools. </p>

<p>Best of luck in your process, I think you should have a decent chance at UCB and a lot of other schools. </p>

<p>Ditto to what Lumine said.</p>

7

<p>if you are looking for a school that has a strong environmental program access to art classes/studios, access to outdoor activities and a school with a different student body feeling and a very supportive LGBT community, UCSC has all of that. Just saying.</p>

8

<p>What a sad story. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are wise to want to transfer to a school that will be more accepting & supportive. You might also consider staying far enough away from your family that you won’t have to come home too often. It sounds like they stress you out in a way that is unhealthy. You need to find a place where you can heal & move forward.</p>

<p>Your story can be written in such a way that it explains your difficulties … but add in what you think you will gain from the transfer school. Don’t add “I couldn’t get that at UCLA.” As others noted, do not put UCLA down. Instead, focus on what the new school has to offer that interests you (academically & personally).</p>

<p>I do think the explanation should be part of a hardship essay. The “why transfer here” essay should stick to just that.</p>

<p>Good luck. I hope the future brings you much happiness.</p>

9

<p>I’m sorry for your situation, but I can’t help but to ask you why are you really leaving UCLA? Is it based on your first year’s roommates/situation? It doesn’t seem like a valid enough reason in my opinion. You’re going to encounter ignorance wherever you go, you’re just assuming UCB and Stanford are more accepting when it reality it just looks like you’re trying to trade up. If you really wanted gay/lesbian friendly schools UCB/Stanford aren’t the schools that first come to mind. I would even go as far as to say that UCSC is more gay friendly than UCB.</p>

<p>No offense, I’m a gay male, and I find it really hard to believe that UCLA is bad with their gay population. I live in Los Angeles, and its one of the more open cities in the country, and I still have gotten harassed for simply being a gay male. Its not the city, or the school, its the individual people with the closed minds that will think its okay to harass you just because you’re different. At the end of the day you need to value yourself, and a part of that is facing up to your adversaries.</p>

<p>PS If you’re dead set on leaving, I would look into Pomona College.</p>

10

<p>Thanks for the advice again, all.</p>

<p>I think it is important to mention that I was accepted to both Cal and UCLA originally, and the idea of transferring solidified in my mind independently of the “unfortunate events”. I am <em>not</em> transferring because of what happened to me. That is COMPLETELY independent. </p>

<p>I am transferring because I want a school with a better environmental program, access to art, and activities I enjoy, a school in a location that has many jobs in my future career (bay area), and that is of similar status as UCLA. I’m not just trying to “trade up”, I feel my reasons are legitimate. </p>

<p>UCLA is not an anti-gay school to any extent, and obviously it would be silly to judge an entire population based on a few jerks. The only reason why I wanted to mention any of this at all is because it affected me in a profound way, and to explain the big gap in my GPA.</p>

11

<p>i think if you somehow want to explain it in your application, once again dont mention it as part of your UCLA experience and it being your reason for transferring. Mention it as part of your experience being a lesbian/gay person in contemporary times. It’s not necessary to give explanations like you said, but use it as an example in your essay of the obsticles you face and have faced being who you are and how you’ve grown from it and how you will continue to grow from it.</p>

<p>BTW regardless of your situation, you’ll still have to have meet the minimum transfer requirements for berkeley, and since ucla does not accept lower division transfers, please make sure you have the minimum to apply before you raise your hopes up just because you got in in the past.</p>

12

<p>Thanks liek, that is a very good point. I met this summer with an advisor from the department I hope to transfer to at Cal, and we went over the required classes. I understand that it will be difficult to transfer in due to how the UCs favor junior colleges, so I am hoping for the best.</p>