Putting this on the ND page, but could really apply to any higher cost institution.
We just spend a great couple of days at Notre Dame’s admitted student weekend. My daughter loves the school and we were impressed with the program and obvious seriousness they take in providing a good education, and working to try to ensure good student outcomes.
My problem is the price tag. I grew up in fairly modest means, and have been lucky to have had a good paying career. My wife and I have saved diligently, often foregoing spendy activities simply because we prioritized savings. Because of corporate mergers, both of us had to take early retirement and at this stage in our careers, finding another position has been tough. Our savings will carry us through, so no problem.
However, because of this, our daughter will receive no need based aid, and merit at highly selective programs is rare … so it’s a full $82k/year for us, plus a likely 3 to 5% increase each year. This puts the cost of her undergraduate degree at an astonishing $348K!! We can afford it, but OUCH!
I now see why middle income families are underrepresented at these schools, and why they gravitate toward state flagships.
Our oldest attends another very selective school in New England, and we faced same dilemma there. The education has been good, but I’ve been bothered by the entitlement I’ve seen among other students, some of which has rubbed off on her (mentions by her that we are “poor” simply because we won’t approve spending like some of her peers).
At the risk of starting a brawl, how have other families reconciled paying full freight for these schools? At what point did you say “no problem,” or “nope, won’t do it,” and how did you then explain to your child?
For additional context, my daughter’s less costly alternatives include Rose Hulman and Wisconsin Engineering, and Honors Engineering at Purdue, Ohio State, & U Cincinnati.
We have the same issue. We have one private that costs about the same as what you mentioned for ND. Then we have a very comparable OOS public that will be about 25000 less per year. While mine would prefer the private school, because the education will be equally as good at the less expensive school, that’s what we will choose. I’d rather have the extra 100,000.
We share your pain. Youngest had free-ride offers from flagship and generous merit aid from T20. I felt that for us, HYPSM would be worth it at full pay, but short of that ( even the top LACs) I wasnt certain I would pay.
Honors at Purdue is great to have as an option for your D
Honors engineering at Purdue sounds amazing. It’s a much stronger engineering program at nearly half the cost (vs ND).
I come from a similar background but found my education to be life changing. As such, I believe it is 100% worth it to provide my child with the absolute best schooling (he will be attending a SLAC next year sans aid – accepted ED1). I’m willing to prioritize it over most other items. ND is such a great school. Your daughter will have an amazing experience and make connections that will stay with her for life. I don’t believe you will regret the expenditure, but I do believe that she will have a “lesser” experience at the other institutions you mentioned.
We told out kid we wouldn’t and couldn’t manage that price tag a year ago. Yes, kid applied to some places that were unlikely to offer merit, but took the tippy top schools off the list before applying (Northwestern, Michigan).
Thankfully our kid has some instate options so we didn’t end up with these tough conversations - several of the places our kid was admitted to still came out over budget.
I know that they’re probably still a bit jealous of the peers that did apply (and got into) some of those schools that we wouldn’t let him consider.
Best of luck.
Odd man out here (as usual). Like you, we paid just about full costs at a pricey private for child 1…because we could. We were also able to do so with child 2, and so we did.
Honestly, I would have felt awful telling child two she couldn’t have the same level of support that child 1 had.
Of course, we would be a lot richer ourselves had we not paid those undergrad college costs…but when we had our kids, we knew college was in their futures. And we wanted to pay for undergrad school.
But of course, this is a family decision.
We’re willing to pay because we’ve saved for this. Some people value vacations, fancy cars, big houses. We wanted to give our children the education of their choice if they really wanted to go there.
At the same time, our kids also understand cost/benefit analysis. So if they dont get into their top choices, we, as a family may consider cost if the difference in price far outweigh their love for a particular school.
Im not sure we really want to pay $80k for BU (a great school but not my D’s top choice), but if she got into her dream school, we would.
It’s a family decision and we shouldnt judge whether someone chooses to full pay or not. Finances are all about opportunity cost.
I’ve thought about that (giving both kids the same opportunity). What I didn’t mention is that we set both up with big 529s … we told both that whatever isn’t spent on their undergrad is available for grad school (which they’ll both likely pursue). D1 is already regretting a bit that she’ll likely have to borrow to fund a good part of her MS/MBA/whatever. D2, if attends a less costly alternative, would have a big sum that could minimize eventual grad school debt.
Congrats on a list of fantastic engineering acceptances.
For what it’s worth, I think Notre Dame punches below its weight in engineering, compared to the rest of its programs. I don’t think the engineering facilities are what they should be, especially considering ND’s opulent campus. My son decided not to apply because 1) we didn’t get the sense that the engineering program was as strong as some other schools, and 2) it’s super expensive (though we would have gotten need aid).
The quality of engineering education would be better (in my opinion) at Purdue and Rose-Hulman. I’ll let others chime in about the other schools on your list, as I’m not familiar with them.
That said, the alumni network at ND is legendary. But it’s also good other places. Those are all SOLID schools, as far as I know.
I personally wouldn’t pay that much just for ND even if I could. Perhaps I would consider it if my child wanted an elite school with a stellar engineering program.
Amongst your list, I don’t think you can make a wrong choice for education, honestly.
ETA: If I had the money, and my kid wanted to study something that had a great program at ND (not engineering), that would be an option. It’s a wonderful school and I’m not criticizing ND in general.
@bioart you have large 529 accounts.
I guess I’m a big fan of letting kids know the budget before they apply…and get accepted. Not after.
The best gift we gave our kids was their college education.
ETA…our second kid got a HUGE scholarship at her second choice school. It would have cost us about $10,000 a year for her to attend there. It was 4 times that amount where she matriculated. BUT we had agreed on the application lists knowing the costs up front (the scholarship was a big surprise). We never regretted our decision.
I always appreciate anyone who mentions opportunity cost.
We have the budget/spreadsheet, and review the offers as they roll in. The question we discuss is “does the experience you think you’ll get here seem worth the $X more than the cost of a degree there?”
We were also (naively?) hoping for a bit of merit for some of these places.
My husband and I paid for two Notre Dame educations at full sticker. Painful. But we just sat down and talked about it (thanks to your post), and we both agreed we’d do the same thing again. The second “child” is graduating from ND this May. I’m not going to argue with you—I respect that people are making the best choices for their families here—but the tangible and intangible benefits my kids received at ND are worth more than anything we would’ve bought with the money. By far.
No argument from me. I’m happy for you!
May I ask what intangibles were gained that would have been unlikely elsewhere? [I can imagine some, but don’t want to lead the witness.] 
I think my decision in such a case depends on what the intended major and career path are, and what the strengths of ND are, and what the alternatives are. I probably wouldn’t apply to ND for engg at all.
I would go with Purdue as the stronger engineering program.
What is to guarantee that this student will actually complete an engineering major…or if she does…what guarantee is there the student will pursue a career in engineering.
My kid went to Santa Clara and got an engineering degree. We fully funded that. The Jesuit commitment to giving back to the community is woven into their curriculum. Plus, we were very impressed with the school in general. @neela1 many people would not apply to SCU for engineering either…but our kid did. HOWEVER, she picked up a second major. She completed the engineering degree, but will never be an engineer. While she liked the coursework, she realized working in that field wasn’t for her. This could happen to anyone.
We were happy our kid had the option to add that second major, that she wasn’t in a school that specialized in engineering, and that the school supported her decision.
We felt it was worth every single penny we spent.
Of course…this is a family decision.
Agree. D2 though is uncertain that she’ll want to stay with engineering. May switch to economics. 
Ha! We were X posting!