That made for an awful freshman year I’m sure. I hope his experience since then has been better.
This is great:
“For that kind of spend, I would be asking my D how she will be joining in, contributing to, and getting the most out of what ND offers, that other schools on her list do not.” Will be part of our conversation.
We won’t go back on paying, regardless. And your point about staying grounded also very helpful. Thank you.
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Agree re many of your points. There’s not going to be a “renegotiation” or pulling back of support. But there is already a thoughtful conversation going on about the merits of the different programs vs. the cost differences, and whether these are worth it. My question in this site was intended to hear from other parents re how they think of these things and what we may be missing. Its already proven helpful.
I find all the responses fascinating and am grateful folks have taken the time. Agree with many of your points, and (so far at least 
) have taken no offense. Fortunately, have not encountered to U Chi vs U of I, CC type of convo (at least in person) … would find it annoying.
And thank you for the nice complement for my dear D.
ABET sets a minimum standard that’s high. All engineering is hard. That doesn’t mean all programs are the same. The structure of the curriculum, particularly when students start getting “hands on” is correlated to retention. Facilities are important, particularly labs for upper level classes. Maybe more important are facilities for student clubs and projects. When you tour, the differences can be stark.
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No, really, we are fine financially. We’re lucky and, except for our kids’ educations, have been pretty cheap all these years. I appreciate the point you suggested re the rethink given a big change in financials, but it isn’t our situation.
As far as our daughter goes, when she isn’t being a typical annoyed teenager, she is pretty reasonable, and has been throughout this process.
My post was really intended to explore people’s thinking regarding the value of a program so that it was worth $X K more than another. Since she is (for now) going to study engineering, and engineers usually make about the same wherever they go to school, it is the rest of the program/student body/faculty/student support/campus culture/relative strength of other majors that add or detract to relative value (or so I thought coming into this).
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Thank you.
Nah, never gave it a thought before. We’ve tried to be careful to not push a school, and I’ve even put our many college mugs to the basement because I didn’t want to set expectations. She likes ND now, but has been pretty level headed about not “falling in love” with any school. I suspect part of this may also be due to fact several of her best friends are kids of professor on faculty of our local college, and the parents came from overseas – they have a fairly jaded view of the entire process, and I think this has rubbed off on the kids (in a good way). They are all ambitious, but none of them have stars in their eyes.
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We’ve done some student loans too for D1, and she’s done some work on campus. I hope I’ve not portrayed her too badly … she has come back to earth now, esp after a short stint on the border dealing with refugees. But for awhile, let’s just say it was a topic.
D2 will also have some loans, and will likely do a little work study.
Agree. And some of us *(me) are just cheap.
But we’ve never shorted our kids’ educations. I just want to hear other people’s reasoning as they made these types of decisions. Have not been disappointed!
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When my kids were little, they’d ask (with a smile) “Daddy, are you the meanest man?”
Yes. Yes, I am.
Then I’d tickle them.
Ten years ago, I would have encouraged you to send her to ND. But, the cost of private college is so high now, that it is very hard to pay full sticker price when there are high quality, more affordable alternatives. Where I live, Purdue has an excellent reputation. I also do not think of ND as an engineering school. So, I vote for Purdue!
FWIW, my friend’s son made the mature decision today to turn down an acceptance from his “dream” Ivy because he got a full-ride merit scholarship to an excellent T20 research university. I think it will become more and more common for kids who don’t qualify for financial aid to turn down Ivies. The cost of private colleges has reached a tipping point even for affluent families.
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Great approach, and the lesson behind it is a great gift for your kids. Thank you.
Thank you for that. I actually agree that it is a shocking amount to pay for college, and of course sometimes circumstances change. A lot of my response came from seeing what happens when parents say in the autumn ‘whatever you get into we can make work’ and then in the spring when it comes to actually committing to the spend rowing back and saying ‘wellll, now that I look at it, I’ll only pay X’. I actually know first hand several students whose parents pulled the rug out from under them, and in 2 cases it has led to a severed relationship.
I do think you are showing your daughter some real respect, and helping her develop her cost:value discernment muscles by having this conversation with her, and working through all the variables in the equation. A lot of kids really don’t know anything about ‘the value of money’ b/c they haven’t been included in the nuts and bolts, or the trade-offs that you have made, and the thinking behind those trade-offs.
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I like this. Would you mind sharing what those different aspects are on the list of considerations? No problem if not, as I can imagine is highly personal.
Hmmm … I’ll ask! Perhaps worth a shot. They offered a bit of work study, so suspect that is as far as they’ll go.
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I respect this approach, and while we very much value education for education’s sake, we also want our daughters to be able to support themselves. Their first jobs out don’t need to be big pay, but we’ve always put it that one of the outcomes of an education should be employment at a level where they call their own shots without calling us for money. (At same time, if they are in trouble, we’ll help, but we don’t want living with us for another 20 years to be an expectation.)
We call it “life skills training” but haven’t been consistent in teaching them. But they do help out at times, and I believe that in D1’s case, she is the one always trying to coax apartment mates into helping keep their place tidy.
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I like this.
Engineering majors can vary in rigor, but the minimum level of rigor in an ABET-accredited engineering major at any college is in the upper part of the range among possible college majors and colleges.
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