“I hope your high expectations for your children don’t become an unbearable burden to them down the road.”
What high expectations? My kids chose their schools. I didn’t force anything down anyone’s throat. Quite the opposite. I suggested schools they wanted no part of. After I said my piece, that was that.
The article about Madison is heartbreaking, TheGFG.
If you have a high achieving kid, it is both thrilling and heartbreaking to watch the college results come in, knowing that only one school can be chosen and attended. There really are so, so many great schools out there. I include MSU, and all of the Big 10 universities, on that list. I also include many of the LACs, many of the top regional universities (such as Santa Clara and Cal Poly here in California), and many of those colleges that don’t make the “US News” ranks, but which are elite in their own way (California Institute of the Arts, for example).
OP, your son could only choose one school. It is heartbreaking to know that he will miss out on some of the other schools that chose him from such a huge pool of applicants. But like many have said, once you see him thriving at MSU, getting internships, happily attending those football games, making “for life” friends, you won’t look back.
Parents hopefully also aren’t swayed by which team they want to cheer for or how attractive the student body or buildings are.
BTW, @mstomper, the bright slacker type is among those best served by a brand name college rather than a giant state school. A driven go-getter with self-control can do as well in most fields at an average state school as an elite private, but as someone who went to a (good) giant state school said, there are a lot of temptations at a big state school. The dorm he was put in contained a lot of NY kids who were most interested in partying and drinking in to the wee hours of the morning. Most of those kids went back home by the end of freshman year as they had flunked out.
@PurpleTitan “the bright slacker type is among those best served by a brand name college rather than a giant state school.” That , like anything in life, is not a given. One of my sons was a top student all along. But the other was a “bright slacker type” in HS ( gifted program in elementary school, teachers in later grades were frustrated because he always tested well and they felt he should be doing better in their classes). He totally turned things around at a large state school.
? Dunno what this is referring to, sorry.
@sevmom, sure, nothing’s given in life. Some kids who slacked turn it around (and may find an environment where the other students aren’t mostly the highest quality the easiest to do so; heck a big state U that is sink-or-swim but offers a ton of subjects and kids who drop out as examples to avoid may offer the proper motivation). Some kids who are amazing in HS tank. I’d still prefer an elite private with resources for a brilliant slacker if possible. Ideally a LAC where there’s nowhere to hide.
well, there aren’t a whole lot of places to hide in a big state university engineering program either. Even in a state school, most kids at least should have some ability to succeed if they are admitted to begin with. Some schools are more sink or swim than others. a lot of this probably depends on the school.
@sevmom, I don’t remember @mstomper mentioning engineering.
And actually, you can easily hide in engineering at a state school. If you skip all lectures, nobody will care. You may flunk out, but nobody’s going to call your room if you skip a class to ask what’s wrong/up as they do in some LACs. Much less hand-holding at a giant public than at a LAC.
Btw, I wouldn’t force my kid to go to a school he absolutely didn’t want any part of. I don’t know why the pendulum swung in that direction.
Our son has done well in the “hard” classes. He just had a couple of semesters where he didn’t turn stuff in for English. He’s also considering smaller schools, but I don’t think it would make a difference in his case. Now S18, who insists he wants to go somewhere with Division 1 football, is another story…
@mstomper, I would suggest the following three DIV I football schools, Army, Navy and Air Force Academy.
Maybe after that helpful suggestion, he will give you more criteria for his college choice.
The implication that has now appeared on this thread is that a lower-ranked state school will entail less pressure than an elite school, and may even prevent a student from killing herself! I think this is ironic, since romani and others on here keep claiming the education at a place like MSU is as good as at higher-ranked institutions. My assumption is the rigor would be less at MSU than at the Univ. of Michigan or NU, but let’s assume the rigor is the same for a major like engineering. If so, then where’s the difference in pressure?
One source of stress is responsibility without control. Frankly, giving kids access to solutions–which is customer service–is one area where I feel elite private schools excel. My kids’ schools were extremely well-run and student-friendly. In contrast, I hear so many complaints about bureaucratic and scheduling messes at the state schools, such that parents have to call and show up to help their kids get things sorted out. Also, parents I know with freshmen at the flagship says their kids are complaining they can’t ever get in to see their professors for help. That’s stress-provoking. So while the rigor may be less at the lower-ranked school, dealling with over-crowding (and student blockades like at Cal), getting shut out of classes you need to graduate, needing to wait for a bus to get from one part of an immense campus to another, waiting in a line of 15 kids outside a professor’s door…all that sounds stressful to me.
I disagree, PurpleTitan. Just because someone was a slacker in high school doesn’t mean they are destined to continue being one in college. A bright slacker who gets into a competitive “elite private” may not like the kind of go-getters that dominate the student body. (Remember, the slackers probably knew kids like this in high school and for whatever reason decided not to “compete” against them. Slacking is often a choice.)
Also, to characterize an entire student body as “partiers” based on the prestige of the school is extreme. Our shared alma mater had a high level of partying when I was there, often with expensive drugs and booze (having a generally wealthy student body made that possible, obviously). The tailgates were just like any other college’s tailgates, except the teams weren’t as good. 
And the frats had all the hazing, alcohol poisoning, etc. that one might expect at “lesser” schools.
@dadoftwingirls, don’t forget VMI and The Citadel. Or are they still 1A? He’s just a freshman, so he’s got plenty of time to change his mind. Also, bad grades bug him more than they do his brother. As for the eldest, he isn’t influenced much by what goes on around him. He’s the only slacker in his group of math/science/computer nerd friends.
@mstomper. My youngest sounds somewhat like your son (although he didn’t hang out with a math/science/computer nerd crowd-his friends were fellow athletic types and he was the only science/engineering type kid in the bunch)… But, like your son,he was very bright but did stupid stuff like just not turn in homework. Frustrating stuff. Loved AP Physics so was very conscientious about doing all the stuff for that. Other types of classes, he would turn things in when he felt like it! But sometimes once they get to college , it does help. And yes, some kids just seem to not want to enter the competition in high school and some of the pressure and nonsense that can go along with that. It is pretty typical too for some boys to want a big D1 school. Good luck to you and your son!
“parents are hopefully not overly swayed by better climbing walls, cool relaxation pods in the library, which fast food restaurants are near campus, or whether there’s a dorm that takes care of seeing eye puppies or not.”
OMG, @TheGFG, is there really a dorm somewhere that takes care of seeing eye puppies? This 50+ parent would be tempted to move in there herself!
Yes, at Dickinson College in PA.
Good thing I didn’t know that during the application process–I might have exerted pressure just so I could visit the puppies!
@sevmom, I think S16 will do well in college wherever he goes. Presuming he passes the AP English exam next week, he shouldn’t have to take his least favorite class in college. He wants to minor in film, so he will have to take classes in the English dept., but when he’s written about movies he’s done well. Math, which will probably be his major, is as easy for him as history and other social sciences were for me. His younger brother, who is the huge football fan, is an excellent writer who is very good at giving English teachers what they want.