My son decided he wanted to attend my alma mater, Michigan State, and turned down Northwestern and Amherst College, among others. He has wanted to attend MSU since he was in elementary school, and they did a wonderful job of selling us throughout the admissions process. I realize it’s his life, his dreams for himself, and ultimately his decision. I also realize that he can get a fantastic education at MSU. Still, when I got a copy of the email from Amherst thanking him for considering them last night I can’t say I didn’t feel just a bit disappointed.
I can understand; if my kiddo turned down Amherst for state U, even a good one, I’d be disappointed, too. And possibly vent on CC. But then, like you, I’d congratulate my child on making a tough choice and following his dreams.
I know exactly what you mean, my son did the same thing, different institutions. But, it was his decision and he did get a great education, made good friends, had fun along the way, and is on his way to the graduate program of his choice. I worried he wouldn’t get the optimum connections or opportunities, but worrying isn’t really very productive after the decision has been made, and the truth is that he came away with just what he needed. I also lost the bragging bang for my buck, but, oh well. Since we ( you and I) decided to let our kids make their own choices, we have to step back and allow them to do it their way. Being a parent can be tricky.
“worrying isn’t really very productive after the decision has been made, and the truth is that he came away with just what he needed”
Amen to that, bopambo
OP, congrats on not only supporting but allowing your kid to take the lead in this process. As a parent I find it hard to step back and remember that it is the student’s decision (within the financial parameters set with parents). I would’ve loved S to go to a small LAC (I, too, love Amherst!) where he would be safe, and the intimate setting is optimal for him to thrive. For whatever reason, he has also had an inner compass which led him somewhere else, starting quite early in the college search. Fortunately it worked out but I often questioned him about his certainty.
At some point I just had to trust that for whatever reason, it is the right choice for him at this time in his life. When they are that sure about something – and it is a reasonable, feasible choice – they have an instinct which is leading them somewhere they need to go. Even their mishaps along the way are part of owning their own decisions, and living with the consequences.
Easy to say, hard to do. I say this as his older sibling, our D, has just extended her study abroad, something we are not happy about, but which she is paying for. So, you are sharing a feeling that many of us can relate to. Just remember, it’s good practice for all the letting go that continues to come later.
PS - what a compliment – he decided on your alma mater!
He had great choices, and he made the choice that he thinks is right for him! Congratulations on the selection,many on being a supportive parent even though you have a tad of sadness over the schools that got away.
That seems normal but you should only show the happiness not any disappointment. It was probably a tough final choice.
Mine chose differently than I think he should have, too. He had three great options, he analyzed them, he talked about it, he made the best choice for him. I tried very hard not to sway him. I just raised my concerns, and he had a good answer to them all. It was his choice and he made it.
Now to get 100% behind him. It will be great.
Sometime around October it won’t matter any more. (And think of the tuition bill!)
As an MSU alumna, I’m biased. I think your son made a great choice and congratulations on him having such wonderful options!
It’s OK to be disappointed but don’t show him that. My extended family was openly disappointed when I chose MSU over U of M and it stung. Just be supportive and go green! 
I dunno, I live in Florida, and my dentist’s extremely bright kids are both going to his alma mater, Michigan State, and he’s thrilled. You don’t need prestigiosity to get a fabulous education and live a happy life.
@greeninohio, congrats on raising a mature and self-confident kid (choosing the school he likes instead of the ‘brand name’ school) - I bet he does well in whatever he wants to do in life! I commend you for letting him make the decision.
I totally get it as when my kid turned down what would have been my first choice (along with Amherst), I actually cried. However, she ended up being extremely with happy with her choice, had a great experience and some amazing friends. You put in all of these years raising them and you have exercised confidence in the person you raised by supporting him as he charts the next path of his life.
Respect his decision. It’s his life and this is his first major leaving-home decision.
I have to admit that I would be horrified if my S chose MSU over Northwestern and Amherst, assuming that all were affordable. I can see preferring a larger school, and thus declining Amherst, but Northwestern? If he is rejecting taking on debt, it’s one thing, but if not…
I don’t think that’s a choice that smacks of being “mature and responsible” and turning down a “brand name.” To me, it smacks of backing away from a challenge and expanded horizons.
Be that as it may, he can certainly get a good education at MSU. I’ve known several very intelligent and thoughtful people who graduated from the school, including my H. I’ve also met a few who were not my cup of tea, notably a guy who actually boasted that he had not read an entire book other than a textbook in his four years there. 
" I would be horrified if my S chose MSU over Northwestern and Amherst"
Horrified? really??
OP- More than likely over the years you have talked about MSU and at some point your DS’s probably thought/dreamed about going where you did. Lots of kids go to the schools that their parents did and there is nothing wrong with that.
Yes, really. Horrified.
That would be MY feeling. Everyone else doesn’t have to share my views.
8-|
Had a similar situation about 10 years ago–oldest D got into two Ivy schools and UofC but decided later to attend in-state school, albeit a very good one–CAL. I caught myself with my own projections and quickly made a pivot to making strong support of HER decision. Frankly, it was a very sage choice by her, as she recently graduated from UCSF medical school. We all go through our own aspirations, but at the end of the day, it is theirs that counts most…
Congrats on raising a thoughtful, independent-minded child who knows what he likes and isn’t intimidated by people who push brand names and prestige. You should be proud that your son has the chops to get admitted to schools like Amherst and even more proud that he can turn it down. I don’t think he’s backing down from a challenge; many things go into a decision beside just prestige. Maybe he really liked that fact you went to Michigan State, its location, cost and the students and professors.