<p>I'm on my second year of college and I'm quite behind. I'm not the smartest person out there and being the first on the family to be attend a university. I was somewhat clueless. I know I should of ask for help. The problem is even if I go to summer classes I won't make it in four years. And my mother wants me to graduate in four years desperately. I know I made a mistake for not getting more information on my degree although, I still wasn't sure on what to graduate on my freshman year. I got quite a lot of hours to go. </p>
<p>When I told my mother I was going to take longer to graduate, she exploded. She told me I was dumb and useless and she was very disappointment me that I turn out to be worst that she thought I would became. And that she lost all hopes on me. What my mother doesn't know is that I'm very depress for a long time. </p>
<p>I don't know what to do. I'm very stress out because of it. I can't even concentrate on my classes. I'm conscience I made a mistake.</p>
<p>You need to focus on your courses and do as well as you can in them. Your mom sounds like she really wants you to do well, as you do too. I’d strongly suggest you go to the college counseling office to talk about your stress. Then, talk with your profs and teaching assistants so you can do as well as possible.</p>
<p>It is VERY common for students to take longer than 4 years for a degree, especially if it takes them awhile to decide what they want to major in. Please do NOT get too emotional about that. You can ask your advisor and college counselor if you can take summer school so you can still graduate in 4 years if that is REALLY so important to you and your family.</p>
<p>Our D took 3 semesters of CC & 4.5 years of college to get her bachelor’s degree. We’re still proud of her. It is really quite variable as to how easy or hard it is to get the classes needed to get your degree. We have relatives and friends who have taken even longer than the 6 years total our D was in CC & college. Hang in there!</p>
<p>You can take three major steps right away, and just knowing you have taken these steps will make your mother feel a lot better. First, contact your advisor (if you do not have one assigned to you, you can get one through the administration). Most schools have an office of academic advising, and that is their job to help you make your plan for graduation. Maybe you should be in a different major, or maybe you need tutoring, or maybe both. They can help with that. Second, follow the plan. Really–even if you are uncomfortable because they want you to repeat courses or take some kind of a survey to find your strengths or weaknesses, or go to the professors’ office hours for one-to-one explanations, be sure to do it. Even if it is not 100% successful right away, at least you will be showing a good track record for effort which matters a lot to the school and to your mom. Maybe you have some learning problems they can help you with but no one ever identified before that you have them. All of these people want you to succeed–it does not help them if you do not graduate (it makes them all look bad, in fact, so they REALLY want to help you). One piece of information that you should share with your mom is this: most students don’t graduate in four years. Here’s a quote from Time Magazine last January: “According to the Department of Education, fewer than 40% of students who enter college each year graduate within four years, while almost 60% of students graduate in six years. At public schools, less than a third of students graduate on time.”</p>
<p>Maybe your mom did not know that information, and she is probably very worried about money. If you talk to an advisor, make a plan, follow the plan, and let your mom know that it is not unusual to take longer, then you will have your life in control and be much happier. Good luck. Everybody is on your side!</p>
<p>I was the first to graduate in my family, and it does require a bit of finding your own way.</p>
<p>My advice:</p>
<p>1) Take care of yourself. Eat enough, sleep enough, and do your work. </p>
<p>2) Focus on your goal. And that goal should be to graduate. Nobody is going to care how long it takes - seriously. You want to do the best that you can in your studies, and graduate. Everything else, except for point 1, is secondary.</p>
<p>3) Your mom will be happy when you graduate. You can’t control how she feels now, but she hasn’t been to college, so she doesn’t know what you are going through.</p>
<p>Your mother is not talking to you in a way that is kind or helpful. I am sorry. Perhaps she is stressed, but whatever the reason, if your parent is not a person you can talk with, please find a counselor to discuss your situation with. Depression can be treated. Medications and talking can both help.</p>
<p>Are you going to college only to satisfy your mother? Are there other things you would like to be doing? Community colleges offer two year programs with training for specific, relatively well-paying jobs. </p>
<p>If you do want to finish college, do it in whatever time you need. As an adult, I recently took a class in which a woman had taken 17 years to graduate! </p>
<p>If you prefer another path, talk with a counselor: there are many options besides 4-6 years of residential college.</p>
<p>Why is your mother so desperate for you to graduate in 4 years? From what you said, it sounds more like some kind of ego thing, than a money problem. Did she say “I’m worried we can’t afford this, how much is it going to cost, what kind of aid can you get”. It sounds like she said “You have disappointed my expectations and that makes you a bad person.” You are in college to get an education and have the opportunity to make the most of your life. If she thinks it’s so easy, perhaps you should invite her to earn her own college degree.</p>
<p>How are you doing in your classes? Why won’t you be able to graduate in 4 years? Because you have not taken the right sequence of classes or because you failed one or more of them? </p>
<p>Allow me to translate what I think your mom is saying:
How are we going to pay for more than 4 years of college?
Also, she may be thinking:
I didn’t go to college and I am fine, but you wanted to go to college because you think you are so smart and here you are having trouble already.
I am ashamed that you are not doing as well as I thought you would be.
I don’t understand how college works and am frustrated that you are taking care of everything.
If you are going to school, you are not working and we need you to work.</p>
<p>Now the only one you really need to pay attention to is #1. How will you do further financing.</p>
<p>So like others have said,
A) Talk to your Advisor. You have one. If you don’t know who it is, go to the Dean of Students office and ask for help.</p>
<p>D) Take advantage of all the resources at your college. Get a tutor. Go to the writing center. Go to professor’s office hours. Create a study group. Join a student group of similar students to you.</p>
<p>E) Figure out if you can work during school breaks to make money. My DD has a job at the mall, and they always need extra help over Christmas and the summer.</p>
<p>E) Talk to your mom about your plan. Say, yes, you won’t be graduating in 4 years like your first plan, but 1) You are going to graduate. 2) You have a plan X, Y Z that you have discussed with your advisor. 3) You are going to be working to get extra money toward tuition.</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here. One thing that jumps out at me is this: “What my mother doesn’t know is that I’m very depress for a long time”</p>
<p>Please don’t be afraid to go to your health clinic on campus. I’m sure there is help available to you because you are definitely not alone. College (and life) can be very stressful and both colleges and parents want to be sure that you are healthy and happy.</p>
<p>Agree with Crowlady’s advice. The first thing you need to do is address the depression. All Universities have counseling centers that can help with this issue. Feeling depressed is very common with college students because of all the academic and social pressure. Adjusting to life away from home can also be more daunting than expected.</p>
<p>I anticipate that once the depression issue is addressed, some of the other issues you raise in your OP might significantly improve. Depression can interfere with focus and concentration which are important for success in college.</p>
<p>I also agree with other posters who have said that your mother’s reaction is a bit over the top and not supportive. But perhaps if you tell her about how your depression she will be a bit more understanding.</p>
<p>“When I told my mother I was going to take longer to graduate, she exploded. She told me I was dumb and useless and she was very disappointment me that I turn out to be worst that she thought I would became. And that she lost all hopes on me.”</p>
<p>If this is all true in speech and context, stay away from your mother – she’s melodramatically exaggerative, and abusive.</p>