<p>My son was dismissed for academic reasons this semester, his first semester of Freshman year. He screwed up big time and accepts full responsibility for his screw up but but I hate to see this mistake impact his entire future, he was 17 first time away from home, with no supervision and obviously inadequately prepared for independence.</p>
<p>Since he was dismissed two days ago it is too late for him to apply somewhere else for spring semester and he desperately wants to go back to college and make it all right, get a fresh start. He is looking for a job so he doesn't just sit around.</p>
<p>Since he failed just about everything the first semester, do you know if he can just apply for the fall 2020 semester at colleges as a new freshman? Does he have to reveal that he previously attended a college for one semester but failed out? Would it be unethical to apply as a new admission freshman to colleges? He will be 18 next September. can new colleges find out that he failed out first semester at a college? Can you have a college record expunged?</p>
<p>Should he contact his old high school counsellor?</p>
<p>I don’t think you can sweep the semester under the rug. He is going to need a transcript from his HS, and they could reveal his previous enrollment; if it has been kept from his new school, that’s another reason for dismissal.</p>
<p>Without knowing much about the details, it does seem like you are being overly optimistic about a kid’s pledge to do better. You need to examine the reasons for his failure closely. How do you know that he won’t repeat the same patterns next fall? Not many families could withstand a second round of problems; you should be confident that the structure for success is in place before you both go forward. </p>
<p>He could enroll in a community college without much trouble, and it would give him a chance to prove himself, as well as open his eyes about the value of a 4 year school.</p>
<p>My son failed all classes but one first semester of freshman year in college. The one class that he didn’t fail, he got a D in. Because S was one of the school’s top academic recruits, they let him return second semester, and they signed him up for a workshop in study skills/time management, and they carefully helped him design a schedule that they thought he’d enjoy and flourish in. </p>
<p>Result: He flunked every class second semester.</p>
<p>What I learned from this is that if a student does that badly as a freshman, it probably would be best if the student took time off and worked fulltime while paying rent (including paying rent if living at home). The student more than likely could benefit from the maturity and self knowledge that one gains by working. </p>
<p>Not everyone is suited for college right after high school. Not everyone – including not every smart person – is suited for college. Some people, including very smart people, do better in vocational fields.</p>
<p>My S never returned to college, but has gotten several promotions in the office job that he has been supporting himself with for more than two years.</p>
<p>If your son enrolls in community college, I suggest that you have him put some skin in the game by having to pay for his courses even if that means he has to take out loans or work a job. If he’s serious about college, he’ll be willing to do that and will rise to the challenge. If he’s interested only in partying, he’ll pass on this opportunity, and you won’t have wasted more of your hard earned money.</p>
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<p>Looks like you should work to provide supervision and do more to prepare your S for independence. I don’t think that that is going to happen when he is far away at another college. Sounds like he needs to be close to home…a good candidate for CC.</p>
<p>You can’t sweep that first semester under the rug. But a good record from CC will go far to rebuild confidence and transfer into a 4 year school when he is ready.</p>
<p>1) Typically colleges have requirements that need to be met for the student to re-enter unless this is an actual dismissal with no possibility of return. Colleges that have “do-overs” might include a probationary period either outside the college or a probation period with the student back at the college and colleges have different rules about what the student can and cannot do (community college, etc.) while on a probationary period away from the college. This should have been communicated to your son. Has the student met with any dean? It sounds like this is an actual dismissal with no possibility of return, but if you are unclear or your son is unclear you need to clarify that pronto. If you are not clear on the reasons for the dismissal then clarify that also before proceeding with any plans.
2) Yes, the student can apply to other colleges, but he will need to “reveal” his current college semester. The student is better off being straight with any future colleges. Kids do flunk out, kids do some pretty stupid things but the most stupid would be to lie to the next college which in itself might be grounds for another dismissal.
3) It is possible that some credits might be salvageable at another college but they will evaluate the transcript from the current college in making that determination. Regardless he will most likely be classified as a freshman since there would not be enough credits to do otherwise. But he cannot “pretend” that he never spent a semester at another college.
4) I’m not aware of anyone getting a college record “expunged” but perhaps someone else has some anecdotal information. Regardless his transcript would become part of the national student clearinghouse which most if not all colleges report into I do believe.
5) Your son may benefit from talking to someone. Clearly, he needs to address the problems he had in some way before Try #2. I would not let him go back to any college setting until you are entirely certain that he is mature and ready to be successful. The amount of time that takes varies from kid to kid.
6) There are several lengthy threads about kids on probation, kids flunking out, etc. and how parents handled the situation. You should go through and read those for ideas.</p>
<p>Thanks Northstar Mom and everyone else. You are all right. he is out pounding the pavement now looking for a job. I have already told him that he has to work full time and he has to pay me back for monies. The tragedy in all this is that he had a full scholarship to a top school and he was hopelessly ill equipped and made really poor decisions. He knows all of this on one level but I am not sure he understands the ramifications of throwing away what amounts to $160,000 in scholarship. I fully know why he got thrown out, he didn’t go to class, partied and thought he could BS his way through this problem. </p>
<p>He will be working full time and he is strong in expressing his desire to go to college… I have told him if he wants to go back to college he has to do all the work, make the phone calls, do the applications. I told him he can forget a top tier college like the one he just got kicked out of. I am searching for a counsellor/psychiatrist who can help him figure out how he went to rockbottom in the space of three months. </p>
<p>I just don’t see how even if he turns himself around how he can apply for a transfer and be reasonably judged based on failing a complete semester. Basically what you are saying is he has to apply as a transfer, he cant apply as a freshman and not mention the one semester at the other university?</p>
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<p>Definitely, definitely check with the school about what this dismissal means and what needs to be done about re-entry. Top schools don’t toss away matriculated scholarship students lightly and are more understanding in finding some way to bring them back.</p>
<p>Even with my son’s horrendous record, the school that he had attended told him that he could return, but wouldn’t get his full scholarship back. I forgot to mention before that as was the case with your son, my son also was only 17 when he started college. He didn’t turn 18 until the next winter.</p>
<p>I also taught college, and had several promising students who flunked out, but after taking a year or so off, returned and with their newfound maturity and commitment to education put nose to the grindstone and graduated. I also had students like my own S, who flunked out and eventually found jobs in which they flourished despite not returning to college.</p>
<p>I have some middle aged and older adult male friends who are college professors who flunked out of college initially. After periods of rambling around the country-- including by having rock bands that no one has heard of – they returned to college and eventually got MBAs and doctorates, and became well-regarded college professors! Some young people – especially males – take extra time to grow up.</p>
<p>I am all ears on this thread to hear the answers to your questions, but I thought I would pop in and say you are not alone. S failed 1/2 of his classes for the first half of the year (essentially failing ALL his classes 2nd quarter) and unless he can get it all turned around this term, he too will be findinghimself home, working and paying rent. Our plan, if this happens is to take a year off and only work and save pennies. Hopefully he will decide to go back to school after that year, but it is hard to know what he will decide. So our hopes are he continues now to turn things around.
I am surprised your S was not put on probation before dismissal (unless he was and failed to tell you)</p>
<p>Correct he will be classified as a freshman, but the application will be as a transfer (since he already was accepted and attended another college/uni regardless of the outcome). Many kids go to CC and rebuilt a transfer acceptable transcript by getting decent CC grades. Some kids just take a couple years off, work and support themselves and resolve the issues they had maturity-wise and reapply at a less selective school on their own dime (or if they have a willing parent with their support) with the original bad transcript. He will be reasonably judged by what he does between today and when he reapplies is the best advice I can tell you based on what we witnessed with a few friends who went through this with their kids during the past decade. Keep your chin up, I know as a parent my initial reaction would be to want to “fix” it but this one’s on your son. He need to “fix it” and it sounds like deep inside you know that. You will all get through this and as one door closes most likely another one will open and like one poster said prepare yourself because it might be something totally different than college next year.</p>
<p>Back in the day…a family member flunked out of an Ivy League school. This kiddo went to a community college for a year and did quite well. He was allowed to re-enroll in the Ivy where he proceeded to flunk out again. His relationship with the school was “severed” (yes…that is on his transcript…says he can never enroll there again). He got a job and worked full time for seven years and supported himself. He then enrolled in a local community college where he fulfilled the rest of his gen ed requirements and prerequisite courses for a degree in engineering. He was about 28 or 29 by that time. He did well…and the CC had an articulation agreement with a four year university whereby they accepted him and his CC credits into their four year program…in his case in engineering. Oh…when he applied to that four year program all those years later, he still had to send his Ivy transcript…he had one or two courses he passed in the almost two years he was there…and his previous CC experience too. He graduated with a degree in engineering and has had a very successful career in that field these last 25 years.</p>
<p>We say he went to college on the 12 year plan.</p>
<p>Some folks just take a more round about trip to the podium to get that diploma. Your son will find his way…it sounds like it’s going to just take him some time.</p>
<p>You also say your son will be 18 NEXT September making him significantly younger than most freshmen…who are 18 by the time they enroll in college. When your son started, he was barely 17, right. Maybe he just needs to be a little older to be able to adjust to being a college student independently.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies. I agree and see what everyone is saying. I am still in shock right now. We drove a total of ten hours on Thursday, he had 48 hours to clear out his room and I fully know that it is up to him at this point . Right now I am shattered and exhausted so it is good to step outside of myself and read opinions that are impartial. </p>
<p>Best wishes theory mom.</p>
<p>doonvarn, The thing that is curious to me is that your son SHOULD have been very aware of his academic standing at the end of the term. If he was failing those course, he would have known it by the results of his other tests, papers and projects in those classes. If he was “ignoring” those signs, he was not facing the reality of the situation well. Schools have support services for kids who need tutoring or other academic assistance. All the kids have to do is ask for the help. Office hours with profs are always available, study groups are often set up.</p>
<p>Is your son reading these posts? Past posts under this screenname seem to have been written by a student who was planning to attend John Carroll University in May…but had been waitlisted by Emerson. Where did he end up going?</p>
<p>I still find it hard to believe he wasn’t put on some sort of probation for the second semester. Are you sure you are getting the whole story? Have you talked to the college yet? I think hearing from them may explain some things. I feel bad for you and know it could be any of us sitting in your seat. Good luck and God Bless!</p>
<p>Ys he knew Thumper, When he got his midterm grades, I saw them as well. I took the train down to see him and discuss it with him. he didnt search out tutoring, he screwed up. This wasn’t a kid overwhelmed by his course load, this was a kid who screwed up, nothing else. He turned down the scholarhship at John Carroll and ended up with a full scholarship at another university. He didnt search out support services as I suggested. His attitude was that he had everything under control which he clearly didnt.<br>
This is an excerpt of his explanation to the review board in his appeal :</p>
<p>" I continued to stay out later and do less work until I had demolished my grade point average. When I realized how seriously bad my grades were I tried quick fixes towards the end of the semester, no longer coming in late, raising my attendance and doing sporadic work, but now I felt completely lost in the work because I had missed so much of it. I was constantly afraid of what would happen and began sleeping often, sometimes entire days in my dorm. This too added to my poor performance.
Looking back the picture of how I continuously sabotaged myself is clear, but over the course of these past few months every day seemed to disguise the failures of the other, and I removed myself from my actions by considering them past and now immaterial"</p>
<p>He had logged on to this site during the college application process and I also was logging in under the same ID to post and I think posted under his login in the parent thread.</p>
<p>Oldest D was suspended following her first semester away at college several years ago. She (we) formulated an appeal and she was accepted into the second semester where she proceeded to bomb again and was suspended but not severed. Se went to CC, moved out of state and went to CC there. Now, here we are six years later and she applied to a local university, secured some financial aid in the way of loans and went in as a transfer (I think she had two classes from all those other attempts that could possibly transfer) and managed to pull a 3.8 gpa, accepted into her degree program and has a meeting to review her financial aid options. If she keeps up the GPA, she could be eligible for merit aid next year. What a difference half a decade makes in readiness. What is most amazing to me is that now she is all about “how much is this costing me?” whereas when it was our money, not so much.</p>
<p>"Thanks Northstar Mom and everyone else. You are all right. he is out pounding the pavement now looking for a job. I have already told him that he has to work full time and he has to pay me back for monies. The tragedy in all this is that he had a full scholarship to a top school and he was hopelessly ill equipped and made really poor decisions. He knows all of this on one level but I am not sure he understands the ramifications of throwing away what amounts to $160,000 in scholarship. I fully know why he got thrown out, he didn’t go to class, partied and thought he could BS his way through this problem. "</p>
<p>Bad as your situation may seem to be, there is lots of hope. The fact that you know your S didn’t go to class and was partying suggests that your S has taken full responsibility for flunking.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until a couple of years after S flunked out of college that H and I learned that our son had been partying and skipping all tests and classes. We learned this when I accidentally found his on-line blog. Our S didn’t take responsibility for flunking until after we confronted him with his blog, and after well-meaning relatives like his grandparents finally realized that H and I weren’t being mean to refuse to financially support S after he had flunked out of college. </p>
<p>To me, it sounds like your S is taking some important steps now toward behaving in a more mature and responsible way. I predict that in a couple of years, he’ll be solidly back on track and may be doing better academically than peers who partied in college but managed to squeak by with passing grades.</p>
<p>The dean said she would send a letter explaining their decision. On Thursday at the hearing, my son was one of many that day. Quite a few freshman were there for academic dismissal hearings. Of the four students there with my son they only reversed one decision. It was pretty depressing, I and other parents just looked at each other – all devastated – none of us comprehending how our kids could have screwed up so totally.</p>
<p>The school is very up front from september on, if you get below a certain GPA as a freshman you are out at the end of the first sememster. That is what it is, I just never expected it to happen to my son. He is a smart kid, 800 SAT in english 670 MATH, it wasnt the work that did him in. It was his inability to make the right choices and for that I bear some responsibility for him not being equipped. I think I did too much for him and things came too easy for him.</p>
<p>“The school is very up front from september on, if you get below a certain GPA as a freshman you are out at the end of the first sememster. That is what it is, I just never expected it to happen to my son. He is a smart kid, 800 SAT in english 670 MATH, it wasnt the work that did him in. It was his inability to make the right choices and for that I bear some responsibility for him not being equipped.”</p>
<p>Having been in your position, I have to say that there’s only so much a parent can do to prepare their student for college. At some point, it’s up to the student to step up to the plate. Some will naturally do this or will be jolted into doing it when they get their first bad test grade early in the semester.</p>
<p>Others like my son and yours may learn about responsibility only after being smacked by the consequences of their behavior.</p>
<p>Right now, you’re doing the right thing: holding him accountable and not cushioning him from feeling the consequences of his ill advised actions.</p>
<p>Please make sure that your son knows this is just a bump on the roadmap of life. DH flunked out of his scholarship school after several terms, and spent a year lounging around his parent’s house, napping on the couch. He decided to move to a different town and share a friend’s hovel, and worked at a natural foods store and took CC classes. Met and moved in with me. Transferred to flagship U, married me when he was 23, and kept working at grocery store and attending school. No car, many roommates, and our one baby (:eek:) attended DH’s undergrad graduation ceremony. Both of us attended grad school at the same time as we grew our family to include a second baby. Now both professionals with grad degrees -husband manager, me teacher, and second baby almost done with his undergrad degree at private university. There are MANY paths - and your son is not a failure. Sure, he made some poor choices, but they are just roadbumps and he has a beautiful and bright future ahead of him. Please make sure he knows that!. :)</p>