<p>My stepson did the same thing. He is now home taking CLEP tests at a community college. When he gets 30 credits this way he will be allowed to enroll in classes at the community college.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry about your son. My kids have also had “I never thought it would happen to MY kid” experiences as a result of immaturity or poor judgment and it has shocked them into maturity. It sounds like he has accepted responsibility and is ready to renew. Good luck to your family!</p>
<p>Don’t beat yourself up. Too often kids “breeze” through high school and get to college never really having had to learn out to dig themselves out of holes and having never really having learned good study habits. High school is also fairly regimented with the kids going in the morning and in class one after another until the end of the day and assignments due the next day. Parents these days often have access to the daily work through software programs and can “watch” their kids. Parents set times they want the kids home or rules about when they need to study. College is different and the kids have to learn how to schedule themselves and figure out when they will complete assignments so they don’t pile up all at once because the kids pushed them off. My oldest came home after freshman fall several years ago and said the hardest thing he had to do was not the classes it was learning how to “balance” himself. Sophomore year he withdrew from a math class after several weeks because he realized that he wasn’t going to have the time that class was going to need that semester and he could pick it up in a semester with a lighter load. Dorms don’t help the situation as there is always somebody trying to drag your kid off to do something so learning to say “no” can be something new for a kid who is already vulnerable because they want to “make friends.” That self regulation and self awareness are totally different skill sets that can catch some kids, no matter how smart, totally unprepared. I’m sending another one off in September and I will no doubt be worried sick the entire freshman fall if he’s got the maturity but this one, too, like my first will be turning 19 during his freshman year so I’m somewhat hopeful it will go smoothly. As my husband will often muse to me “how can young boys be so smart and so stupid at the same time.”</p>
<p>Thanks all. I hope he does find his way – I know I cant do it for him that is for sure. I do appreciate all the positive thoughts.</p>
<p>My stepsister had a worse experience - ended up with a substance abuse problem to boot. She dealt with that problem, and then applied to a lower-ranked university (went from attending a top 100 to top 300) where she works to pay the bills, and is graduating this year. What he has to say about how he has changed the things in his life that led him to make those decisions, in his admissions essays, will make all of the difference, though showing ability and dedication/determination to complete CC classes could only be a plus.</p>
<p>I have another friend whose parents forced him to stay home after being given a second semester and doing the same thing (never attending class, not even buying the books, etc), though he was not dismissed and can return when he is ready as judged by the parents (very tiny private college, two of his siblings attend also). He lost a huge scholarship too. He is at CC this year, getting great grades, and working to pay for it. He is really motivated to get back to that college. The parents had additional financial issues from this economy which prompted them to do it as well.</p>
<p>I think that working or CC or both is a great thing for him to do. To really focus in on why he wants to go back to college, what he wants to study, and what he wants to do with his life with the aid of the college degree are things he needs to figure out before reapplying. Unlike high school applicants, who don’t have to have this all figured out, he will need to do so, since his application will really depend on the college thinking he will not repeat his mistakes. The more together he is, and the more evidence presented that he is really ready to handle college life again, the more likely he is to be accepted back to college.</p>
<p>Join the marines, thats what my parent told me I have to do if I flunk out next year.</p>
<p>Is there any safety net from the college? Seems to be so much to lose because of growing pains.</p>
<p>yes, join the Marines! NYT had an interesting article of returning vets and how Columbia was going out of their way to recruit them, Columbia was especially interested in vets that had been in the more elite units (they usually show more drive and maturity).</p>
<p>I know of a case of a Marine sgt that had flunked out of college, joined the Marines (Recon), then got tutuored in math by his LT., got into a small Catholic university, and got an engineering degree. He send his grades to his LT while in school!</p>
<p>I am not sure what you mean by safety net. It is a tough school academically and I was surprised that they didnt put him on probation for the second semester but you know he really screwed up. It wasn’t like it was only one subject, he screwed up on all of them. then factor in that they gave him a free ride, I can see why they didnt want their money going to a kid who didnt even appreciate it.</p>
<p>Marines or military is not an option. I am pretty upset right now but not upset enough that I would send my son to afghanistan or Iraq.</p>
<p>Some schools offer academic amnesty, where if the student has been out of school for a certain length of time, they can re-enter with a clean slate, start over. Since he earned no credits there would be no harm to his GPA. However, he must submit transcripts from each school attended, or any subsequent degree and/or credits could be revoked because of a fraudulent application. Counseling sounds like an excellent idea…he does not need another semester of floundering until he figures all of this out better. Good luck.</p>
<p>Been in almost the exact same boat. Son flunked out after freshman year (NROTC scholarship). He was 19 in Sept of his freshman year. He wanted to go back to the college town (2000 miles away), live and work so he could still be with his college friends. We made him come home. He sat out for a year, worked, paid rent and hated us. Started with one CC course to prove to us he would study and he did. Went to CC full time but struggled with certain subject like Literature, just because he didn’t like them. Finally made it through CC after 2 years and 2 summers. Went to a 4yr last fall but transferred to another school this semester that should suit him better. It’s been a long road - 4 colleges, but he’s doing well now and we see a light at the end of the tunnel. I was told by many parents with older kids who had the same problem that they will eventually come around, and now I believe them. And no,you can’t hide the fact that he went to a college last fall.</p>
<p>These stories are always heartbreaking. Especially for scholarship kids. I could rant about the inanity of awarding merit scholarships based on SAT scores but will refrain. </p>
<p>College requires a lot of hard work no matter where you go to school because there are so many distractions. If your kid does not have the maturity to say no to the stuff that goes on in the dorms and instead head to the library to get their work done, then they are in for a train wreck. Professors are not like high school teachers who give second chances to turn in stuff late and put up with a lot of bs. </p>
<p>My D1 got very sick with the flu in January of her freshman year and missed a week of class. Professors were threatening to flunk her if she missed any more class. We flew up to school to fluff up her feathers, encourage her to find the will to overcome the “behind in my work” scenario, told her to go to the Dean for Students and seek help in getting professors to work with her, which she did and they did…and it all ended up okay (3.4…not stellar, but not awful either). A lesson learned. </p>
<p>She learned to block out Dorm Drama, get rid of “friends” who are not supportive and only downers or distractions, focus on her work and hang with people more like her in her study habits. The result? Amazing…3.9 gpa cumulative now. She is a Junior and thriving.</p>
<p>At her school, there were also scholarship kids who flunked out, 99 percent of whom were very capable, but just very immature and too wild on their own. </p>
<p>Boys seem more prone, statistically, to this problem than girls, but not always. Sometimes its ADHD issues for some kids. </p>
<p>For some boys, going in the military for a couple of years really clears up their heads. Then they can return to college with a new sense of vigor and some GIBill benefits to pay for it. In many cases that is better than just working at a low paying job, or going to community college.</p>
<p>Years ago, my brother failed out of a college. Within a day, we enrolled him at another college as a non-matriculated student. Because the college had room, he lived in the doors and for all purposes he was treated as a regular student. He had to get a “C” in each one of his classes in order to become a matriculated student. Once he had a grade of C or above in each of his classes, the classes were counted as matriculated and towards his degree. I know many schools have programs like this and as long as there is room in the dorm, the school will be happy to take your S. The question for you and your son to decide is whether he is ready to buckle down or whether he needs some time to regroup.</p>
<p>Of course I’m sure you’ve probably thought of this (and forgive me if you mentioned it already), but hopefully there aren’t any substance abuse issues (alcohol, etc.) involved. Sometimes “partying” is a euphemism for this type of thing. I say this as someone who fell prey to this sort of stuff myself for awhile, before straightening myself out. Just felt I should mention it.</p>
<p>Doonvarn:</p>
<p>Joining the military is not a death warrant to Iraq or Afghanistan. For one, the AirForce has very few people in that region and mostly pilots. The Navy is another option or the Coast Guard. Many jobs in the Marine Corps or Army are NOT combat ratings and only support groups. They teach skills, how to FOCUS, how to work as a team player and generally how to mature and take orders and fulfill a mission of objectives. Don’t dismiss the military option at all.</p>
<p>This happens to the best of kids. The college scene is very different from HS (where the parent is likely to get a phone call if a student misses too many classes) and many kids simply fall apart when there is no one there to ‘make’ them do what they are suppose to be doing. It’s a life lesson from the School of Hard Knocks. </p>
<p>The nice thing is you can get a ‘do-over’. I’ve known many kids (and I was one of them 30 years ago) who have done this and many eventually go on to earn their degree and often go to graduate school. </p>
<p>It’s always especially hard when the kid was a good student but with a few years under his belt, he will probably go back somewhere and do fine.</p>
<p>Because of the birthday cutoff in our state, my son will be 19 when he goes to college in the fall. I can tell you - in his class, those boys who are on the oldest side of the class are generally the better students (which is the reason so many parents hold boys back a year). Age does make a big difference. My son and all his of friends who are 18 are chomping at the bit to leave home for college. The nice thing is they have been forced to stay in HS under parental supervision until they are closer to 19 and I think most of them will do well when they get off on their own next fall. One year makes a big difference, especially in boys.</p>
<p>It might make you feel a little better to know that over 1/2 of incoming freshmen still haven’t earned their degree after 6 years. Messing up during Freshman year is pretty common.</p>
<p>Ahhhh… I know this situation well. One of my dearest friends attended a well-respected polytechnic school in Massachusetts. He was a smart, though not always diligent, guy; his GPA was enough to put him in the honors range in high school, however, and his SAT scores were well above average. He had also served as the head programmer for his FIRST robotics team, which was enough for him to get a very good scholarship at that college.</p>
<p>His first two quarters at the college, he “snowflaked.” Since all of his grades were below a C average, they were not reported on his transcript, which was therefore “white as snow.” The school put him on academic probation and, somehow, he managed to do well enough for the next few terms to stay in the school, though just barely. His sophomore fall was a repeat of freshman year, however, and the college’s patience wore out. He lived in the college town with his girlfriend for a time, and then moved back to his hometown. He’s living in the basement at home right now, and just started community college. Who knows how that will turn out.</p>
<p>As you can see, doonvarn, you’re not alone. I can only hope your son’s situation ends well.</p>
<p>I know a kid who flunked out of a pretty high-prestige LAC in his first semester. He took a semester off to regroup, applied to the local state U, was accepted, and is now a junior and doing great. It can be done. I think sometimes all that’s needed is a chance to hit the restart button; by the time a kid realizes how deep the water is the first time around, it’s too late to swim for shore.</p>
<p>So many stories of kids who weren’t ready for the independence and responsibilities of colleges, makes me think of a great book that just came out: The Complete Guide to the Gap Year by Kristin White. It has a couple of hundred programs listed that the OP’s son could do (volunteering, etc) and some ideas about applying to college from a year off. </p>
<p>Maybe this could be your son’s accidental gap year?</p>
<p>Try the community college route. S1 resigned from his military college within 48 hours of drop off. Like your S, it was too late to sign him up somewhere else, so I registered him at community college and made him get his old job back. It was a most painful and humiliating experience for all of us, but it turned out to be the best thing to happen to him. </p>
<p>He spent the next 2 years living at home, juggling work and college, learned to manage his time, and learned that working at Big Coffee is the most compelling argument for getting a 4-year degree. After completing his associate’s degree, he transferred to a top 25 state university where he has done very well. He says that he can tell the community college transfers from the students who were accepted directly from HS because they have a deeper appreciation for being at the university and tend to be more mature. When asked what he would do differently, he says that he would not change a thing. </p>
<p>I know how devastating this can be. But what once seemed like a disaster turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We got to spend 2 years watching S1 grow up and turn into a wonderful young man of whom I am very proud. He will graduate from State U this May. And with what we saved at community college, there is still money left in the college fund for graduate school, which he plans to attend.</p>