<p>A loss such as Nedad's is unspeakable. However, it was not apparent in his post that his reference to illness was personal, so subsequent posters' objection to his diminishing the plight of displaced students must be understood in the context of their ignorance of such personal tragedy.</p>
<p>Donemom, it was immediately obvious to me that NEDad was speaking personally, because no one would dare speak of such things unless they were personal. I have learned over the years that almost everyone (except the very very lucky) harbors a personal tragedy, usually one that they rarely discuss and make light of when they do, for fear of alienating others. The posters who did not understand how truly tragic life can be are indeed fortunate not to know anyone with a child who has cancer.</p>
<p>Nedad, you said,
[quote]
I laughed out loud at this! A "terrible burden?" Trying have a child with cancer. Or being a refugee. Or, like some of the students I volunteer to tutor, try seeing your family chopped up with machetes before your eyes.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I, in my post mentioned,
[quote]
here, I read that some kids should offer a stiff-upper-lip, gentlemens agreements and all, you know
harrumph, when shipped a 1000 miles away from the hurricane and its aftermath at 17 &18 years old. Told that they dont know what struggle is: how about giving birth with cancer (now thats real struggle you little bratsand so it is).
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I dont know what would lead anyone here, on this message board, to believe that you were using your own very deep and personal tragedy, a loss of the greatest possible proportions, to clarify or set in context the pain or inconvenience of others involved in another and lesser dilemma.</p>
<p>Perhaps in another thread you had mentioned this deep tragedy in a different context. If so, I am very sorry that I had not come across it. Here, all that you said is what I have quoted above.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, had I have known that either you or anyone else was likely to expose their personal lives in this way I would certainly not have repeated your remarks in my attempt to clarify the very real drama of the Tulane students that this thread was addressing.</p>
<p>Nedad, with no qualifications, I am deeply sorry for your loss and further sorry if my remarks caused you any pain; there is nothing that compares to this loss, as I well know.</p>
<p>dmd77, with all due respect, Nedad set the tone when he prefaced his remarks with "I laughed out loud at this!"</p>
<p>Unlike you, I would have assumed that the loss Nedad referred to was not personal, because I can't imagine anyone dredging up personally painful memories to use in such a context. It seemed in the initial post to be more of a rhetorical device than a personal statement. We cannot all be mindreaders. </p>
<p>Obviously the displaced student who spoke of "hardship" did not mean to claim that her suffering was of the greatest possible magnitude-- she only meant to say that the situation was extremely difficult for her. Since she is a very young adult, away at college for the first time, her emotional response is in the context of her own life experience. Maybe she simply is emotionally unready to face another transition. The comparison of her situation as a displaced student to the death of family members was inappropriate, not because the magnitude of suffering is different, but because the context is different. We are not talking about death and destruction, we are talking about physical displacement.</p>
<p>I want to reiterate that I am not trying to defend the displaced Tulane students - as I said before I really don't care one way or another where they go next term, and I think this is a matter that should be entirely between them and their host school. If Harvard tells them no as a matter of policy - that's fine with me; if Harvard allows them to stay for whatever reason the school chooses, that's fine with me too. </p>
<p>What surprises me is the degree of anger their desire to remain at Harvard seems to generate on this board -- even if the students do not technically have a right to remain at Harvard, I think their desire to do so is completely understandable. If it were my kid, I would be counseling my child to follow her heart and to speak up for herself, wherever that was taking her. That doesn't mean the kids will always get what they want, but I think that they certainly have a right to advocate for themselves and at least explore their options more fully.</p>
<p>Apology well done, WW. Too few of those on CC. A mystery, that.</p>
<p>Woodwork~</p>
<p>I second cheers's kudos for a beautifully issued apology. ~berurah</p>
<p>calmom~</p>
<p>IMHO, there is NO due respect shown in continuing to dredge up the subject of whether or not what nedad mentioned is appropriate "fodder" for public discussion. What's the point, already? Are you that intent on being "right"? </p>
<p>Whether or not someone "got it"--that he was making a personal reference--is completely irrelevant now. His heart has been hurt, and he has chosen to leave this forum either temporarily or permanently. It doesn't MATTER who's right at this juncture. The only thing necessary was an APOLOGY...you know, like the one Woodwork offered. Sheesh. ~berurah</p>
<p>...and I knew that Woodwork would be one of the ones who "do care." Blessings to both WW and nedad on this thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Oh gosh. How do threads get so hard and sorrowful?</p>
<p>Kids want to go to Harvard. When they get there they like it. It's kind of unfair if they get to go when others got turned out. So unfair it shouldn't happen? Who knows. God help Tulane. And I'm an atheist. </p>
<p>For anyone who has gone through a real personal tragedy, any of us in our anonymity surely still has enough human nature to bow our heads on Thanksgiving and thank whatever powers in which we believe for our own blessings.</p>
<p>This will all work out.</p>
<p>"It seemed in the initial post to be more of a rhetorical device than a personal statement."</p>
<p>I'm speechless. I don't even know how to respond to that one. </p>
<p>God bless you, nedad.</p>
<p>This thread has out lived its usefulness.</p>