<p>Wait... the graduations aren't for two years????</p>
<p>Start bombarding the high school now with pressure to change the date!</p>
<p>oohhh twinmom, if it were only that easy. I'd probably have better luck getting the university to change ITS graduation date!</p>
<p>This isn't for another TWO YEARS? And your older is has already called you to stake out the date? That doesn't make any sense. </p>
<p>What is the real issue?</p>
<p>mombot-
We've discussed within our family the fact that it was likely that the graduations were going to fall on the same day, as, based on the previous calendars, it looked like that would happen. My older s. happened to be on his college website school calendar looking something else up, and when he called me he mentioned that he'd seen it officially posted for 2008, so he let me know the date. He didnt' call to "stake out" the date. He was mentioning it to be helpful. </p>
<p>As I said at the beginning of this thread, we'd anticipated this would happen, and when it became a reality I was (and am) sad that I will not be able to attend both events. These are important times in our lives. It may not be a big deal to some, but it is a big deal to us. Whether it were happening this year or in 2008 ( official graduation date) it is still distressing to officially find out I can't be there to participate in both events.</p>
<p>jym - I'd be distressed too! As I said before, I've been concerned about that possibility for a long time!</p>
<p>The good news is that you have a long time to try to brainstorm more alternatives.</p>
<p>OK...I'll weigh in with an opinion. I don't think you really can miss the HS graduation. Truthfully, ALL the parents attend this, and it's the first milestone for the HS graduate. I know you want to be at the college one also, but the reality is that many parents AND students do not attend their college graduation ceremonies (I didn't go to any of mine...and neither did my family...it was far away and costly). No one noticed or cared. They mailed the diplomas. If you feel you MUST divide and go, perhaps the kids have an opinion who they would like to have attend. But truthfully, if it were me, I'd be at the HS graduation.</p>
<p>Some small colleges have a whole weekend of activities...and it is tough to be one of the only graduates without a parent there....even if our children are "adults" when they graduate. Prior post suggested that if someone has to miss the graduation, you could possibly attend the baccalaureate...sometimes held a day earlier and often a much nicer and more personal event.</p>
<p>Find out the timing for all of the events this year and next year...may be similar when your child graduates.</p>
<p>P.S. Don't know where the OP lives, but where I am, the weather dictates the graduation date, and it is a "moving target". Our original graduation date was June 13, but it is really going to be June 16 due to snow days during the winter.</p>
<p>Two years is a long way from now...it may not seem such a big deal to older son, and he may say, Parental Units, I really think you should both be at little Bro's graduation, I am 22 now, and I will be fine without you, but HS, well, that's important...</p>
<p>So, don't get all torn right now, there is no need...sometimes adult children can be very gracious and understanding if a parent has to do for a younger child, its called maturity...</p>
<p>Also, if older son still has same GF, won't she be there? His loyalties will be split as well...</p>
<p>Ds college offers DVDs of the ceremony.- her graduating class is roughty 400, so it is fairly small as well.
Perhaps S school offers the same thing & when you have the big college party you can all watch it together
I would say though, that probably the college ceremony is more important to many parents than the student. I know several people, my daughters age, and my parents age, who skipped their graduation ceremonies for one reason or another, but I don't know anyone who skipped their high school ceremony on purpose.</p>
<p>I say skip the college graduation.
Waaaayyy more important for parents to be at 18 year old's high school graduation.....by 22 years old, parents are kind of expendable to a young person's life!
I know it sounds harsh, and I only half mean it, but you get the idea.
Just my opinion, of course.</p>
<p>Another thought....one parent per graduation, but bring along a close family friend to share the day with (eg a virtual aunt or uncle OR just your bf). Then, plan a family 'reunion' where you gather together to celebrate the graduates. I'd turn this 'day' into a week-long celebration.</p>
<p>thanks everyone-- lots of great ideas, and even more importantly, great cyber-support. </p>
<p>Thumper and musicmom-
Thanks for emphasizing the importance of the HS graduation. That was really helpful to hear from an outside perspective. Unfortunately, short of a hurricane, I don't imagine we can hope that the weather will do anything more than move the ceremony inside. the day itself won't change. We are dealing with Atlanta and Houston. The only thing the weather will do is bake us to a crisp.</p>
<p>2boysima-
Both schools have events Fri night (baccaulaureate, special receptions, etc) with graduation Saturday morning. The college does have a webcam of the graduation, but I don't know how the people sitting around me at the HS grad (if thats how we do it) will appreciate my sitting there with a laotop in my lap. If I put headphones on, I'll miss the events in front of me. Sigh....I know it'll work out somehow- I just dont have to like it the way it is... :(</p>
<p>CGM and avoidingwork-
You are right-- 2 yrs is a long way off. I am just having my "acute grief reaction" right now, as it were, as I just got the schedules confirmed the other day... I am liking the idea of a big combined double graduation party maybe a week or 2 after graduation (graduation will be May 12). Memorial day weekend has always been a big family get together weekend for us (both boys were bar mitzvah'ed on Memorial day weekend, and family reunions have been held then) so that might work out. Not sure I could handle a full week of celebrating, but a weekend of fun id do-able. And if the same gf is still in the picture, I am SURE she will be at college graduation. She's already looking for jobs in Houston. If she ends up living there, she'll be an active part of the graduation planning and events. </p>
<p>EK-
I will check into the possibility of getting a DVD of graduation. I suspect they will have something like that available, especially since they have the webcam. </p>
<p>and Cosmo-
I've given a lot of thought into your idea of doing the parental "switch". I have probably tended to do more with older s, and h, with younger s. Switching might be a memorable approach. Creative idea. thanks. My first inclination would have been to do it the other way around because of our family "pattern", but your approach is more powerful. I am sure we'll discuss this down the road, but I can't imagine asking the kids to choose. That would be tough.</p>
<p>Lots of great ideas--- thanks!</p>
<p>another thought about the big double graduation party--
My mom had passed away just 2 mos. before older s's graduation, and my dad was such a mess he didn't feel up to travelling down to the graduation. So, older s. never really got his celebratory event. All the more reason to have a big double grad celebration! I guess I can turn lemons into lemonade with this strategy. Maybe even buy the dvds' of both events hand bore people by playing htem on some tabletop tv during the party! Naaahhhh. I'll skip that....</p>
<p>jym: </p>
<p>It will probably be hard to get the date of the hs changed since any change would probably affect some other family(ies).</p>
<p>Perhaps if other relatives aren't planning on going for financial reasons, you could pay for one to attend a graduation along with one parent, while the other parent attends the other kids' graduation with another relative. since you have 2 years to prepare, you could start setting aside some money for a couple of extra plane fares.</p>
<p>Perhaps a "grandma" can attend with mom (and share a hotel room & one rental car) and a "grandpa" can attend with dad in the home town (or vice versa). That will save some travel costs for the 'extra person". Then, everyone meet back in the hometown for a friends/family party.</p>
<p>I think you should divide and conquer as well, especially the way Cosmo said.</p>
<p>Especially if the boys have a bit of sibling rivalry, there will be hurt feelings if just 1 graduation is attended and not the other. There are 2 parents and 2 boys. This is a relatively easy division.</p>
<p>I thing you are not giving the older boy enough credit...stuff in life happens, parents do there best, not everything is even, and as our children get older, the understand that...there was a death in the family, and it put a damper on a celebration...that is part of being in a family...its part of life</p>
<p>I think yuo can do both events, and switching the "usual" parent is a great idea, but give your son (older) some credit for being a mature young man who will understand whatever decision you come to</p>
<p>thanks everyone.
CGM and motherdear-
The older s. is remarkably mature-- he will be fine with whatever we do. For that matter, so will younger s. They are great kids, very mature and very close (no rivlalry). I am clear in my head that this is MY issue. I am the one torn by this, not them. I really wanted to attend both, and I can't. Its a bummer. </p>
<p>jlauer-
I also know that there is ZERO chance either of the graduation dates will change, short of anothe4 natural disaster or something (hmmmm, how theres an idea... ;) ) </p>
<p>We could fly in a relative (it'd have to be an aunt/uncle or cousin- the 2 remaining grandparaents-- both the grandpas, are almost 85 and 98! If my dad (who will be 87 by then) is still able to fly by himself, I'll definitely bring him down here for the HS graduation. It would be too much for him to try to travel to the college grad in TX from NY, and then to the party here in Atl. As for the aunts/uncles, there are lots of family dynamics that make having them play "surrogate" parentor grandparentan unlikely idea. Its a shame, but thats the way it is. One aunt is a gem, the others... well..... lets leave it at that. great idea, just not likely to work in our family. But, I have some close friends here in Atl that will attend graduation with me, and if my dad is ble to come down, we'll be set here. Sounds like hubby will be the one heading to Houston, and if the gf is stil the gf, she'll be there too. In fact, her parents might even want to come! Who knows. </p>
<p>I know the boys will be fine with whatever I do, I just hate this situation !</p>
<p>I agree that hs grad is more important... My parents missed my college grad and went to younger sibs hs grad -- and I was totally fine with that!!! </p>
<p>But, like I said in post #35, if one parent does travel to the college grad, it might be nice for that parent to bring a special someone (gma, gpa, aunt, uncle, old hs friend) so that there will be someone (or two) in the crowd on the special day. </p>
<p>My nieces graduated on the same day last year -same college and everyone was glad that there wasn't a "date conflict". But, lo and behold, my mom suffered a MAJOR stroke that morning and most of us (including nieces' dad) spent the day at the hospital instead of the graduation. My nieces totally understood. We partied with them the following weekend. People do their best.</p>