<p>I'm so disappointed. Our son just got home for the summer and I brought up hotel reservations for his college graduation next year. He told us he wasn't going--that I made him go to his high school graduation and he won't do it again. When I told my husband he said he didn't go to his college graduation, and wasn't surprised that our son didn't want to go.</p>
<p>Anyone else dealing with this?</p>
<p>I skipped my high school graduation, and didn’t want to go to my college one. However, my mom said that she had sacrificed to help pay for my college, and she wanted to see me graduate, so I went. I’m glad now that I did go. She deserved to see me walk.</p>
<p>If you’re helping to pay for your S’s college, you could do what my mom did.</p>
<p>My DH skipped his college graduation, and he now wishes he hadn’t. He regrets that he cheated his mom of the opportunity to see one of her children awarded a diploma. Only he and one sister graduated from college; his other siblings did not.</p>
<p>College professor here. Many students do not go to their college graduation. All of that pomp and circumstance is not something everyone enjoys. However, graduation ceremonies are not really for the students but for the parents. </p>
<p>When I have students who come to me and tell me that they are not interested in walking at graduation, I ask them if their parents (mostly moms) would be disappointed. I then tell them that they have had the love and support of their parents for all of these years and that they need to do this for their parents and to realize that sometimes we do things that we don’t really want to do because the people around us want them.</p>
<p>I also add that there are all sorts of fun festivities that often surround graduation, and a few hours in a cap and gown, sitting in the sun, listening to dull speeches is worth it in the end. Over the years, I have had many, many students come up to me at the after ceremony reception, introduce me to their parents, and thank me for being harsh with them and suggesting that they go through the graduation ceremony.</p>
<p>Good luck with your son. It may be that he has been hearing from his dad all these years that graduations are lame.</p>
<p>Full disclosure: I went to my college graduation. I did not go to my Ph.D. graduation.</p>
<p>Happens more than one would think. Some parents force the issue. They certainly have the right to do so after investing all of that money in the kid. I personally would not pick that battle as there are many more important ones to wage.</p>
<p>O.P.,</p>
<p>Did you ask him what about graduations turn him off? </p>
<p>Admittedly, that you’re already talking about hotel reservations a year ahead of the event seems a little much. Maybe that’s what he’s thinking.</p>
<p>"Admittedly, that you’re already talking about hotel reservations a year ahead of the event seems a little much. "</p>
<p>Doesn’t seem like a little much to me. Hotels do fill up months in advance before college graduations. I remember that my mom had to stay 50 miles away from the college in order to attend my graduation because she made reservations just a couple of months before graduation. </p>
<p>Hmmm. Sounds like I should be planning ahead. S graduates next May. How time flies!</p>
<p>I went to a huge university. They did not confer diplomas individually. Wish I had skipped it!!</p>
<p>limulus: Why did you not go to your PhD graduation?</p>
<p>I went to my college graduation only to please my parents–I was the first child in my generation to graduate on my father’s side of the family so it was a big deal for them. But I had a wonderful time and was very glad I attended. It is a bittersweet, rather scary transition and the ritual helped mark the threshold for me. The university ceremony (at Cornell) was big and impersonal but there was a lovely smaller event for each department later in the day. I could introduce my parents, uncles, and grandfather to the professors who had taught and mentored me.</p>
<p>I didn’t go to my PhD graduation but wished I could have. It was scheduled on the same day my younger sister’s undergraduate degree was conferred, so I attended her ceremony.</p>
<p>As a middle-aged adult, I find I’m way more a sucker for ceremony than I used to be. I realize that I’m not as unique and nonconformist as I once thought I was and that what might seem like routine life events, undergone by many people in my generational cohort at roughly the same point in their lives, are worth celebrating when they occur. As a faculty member I enjoy donning academic regalia and sharing in the graduates’ big day and in the joy of their families and guests.</p>
<p>As I write this my own son is resisting attending his high school graduation; I’ve told him he has to do it to humor my parents, his grandparents. But I secretly think that later in life he will be glad to have gone.</p>
<p>
Most hotels accept reservations a year in advance, and if there aren’t a lot of options where your child’s graduation will be held, now is the time to look into it for next year. </p>
<p>I didn’t attend my college graduation because I had gone to the previous year’s ceremony when my boyfriend (now dh) graduated from the same school. It was so unpleasant - a total mob scene, with people behaving badly while scrabbling for seats, rickety steps to climb, endless speeches, in a completely meaningless atmosphere. I came home and announced to my parents that I would not go to graduation the next year. They were disappointed at first, but my Dad wasn’t well and they came to agree that it would have been a very difficult day for him.</p>
<p>I’m grateful that my two older ds have wanted to attend their graduations. They’ve been great family experiences. But those events were much better conceived and managed than graduation at my school. OP, how about if you give your son a little time to think about it, and then tell him that it would mean a lot to you to go? He may have very valid reasons for not wanting to attend, or he may change his mind. If you make a reservation now, you can always concel it.</p>
<p>Sylvan: </p>
<p>I did not go to my PhD graduation as I was living across the country at the time of graduation. Even though I would have walked across the stage of my Ivy League institution and been handed the diploma from the university president, I couldn’t afford the time or the money to do so. My diploma came in the mail. Most of the professors I know did not go to their graduate graduations for exactly the same reason. PhD programs end when you finish them, not when a semester ends.</p>
<p>College graduation is different. It is important for students and parents alike.</p>
<p>If you feel any better, you are in a much nicer place than the parents whose kids are going to graduation but not truly graduating. A lot of those these days.</p>
<p>Some of mine went to high school graduation, some did not. Some of mine went to college graduation, some did not. Oldest went to neither, says she wants everyone to go when she finishes grad school, oldest son did not got to high school but will go to graduation/commissioning, next daughter went to high school but not college grad rather departmental honors program and son graduating in 2 weeks from college went to high school one (he was val) and we will be attending the “festivities” a week ahead of graduation since there is so much to do.</p>
<p>For us, it just depended on the one graduating. They all have such different personalities and their minds change depending on their own situation. All of mine attending/planning on dental/vet/med school have said they will attend those.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>His life . . . his mistakes . . . but if YOU want to go then asking him to participate as a favor to you might work . . . if that’s really what you’re after here?.</p>
<p>I went to mine, we went to all the kids, but I skipped grad school graduation (was already working halfway across the country and couldn’t afford to go back.)</p>
<p>I wouldn’t turn this into a battle royale- just make the hotel reservations now, you can always cancel with no charge.</p>
<p>He may change his mind, he may not, he may have good reasons or they may be frivolous ones, but why start a fight a year ahead of time. More important for all of you to be on the same page as far as his plans the day AFTER graduation, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Blossom gives very good advice. The OP does not say why his son does not want to go to the graduation.</p>
<p>In my son’s case, he was reluctant as well, but did not go as far as saying he would not come to his own graduation. In his case, it was because some of his post-graduation plans had not worked out for him, disappointment with the economy etc. We did not push it. He did not want us to come on the first day and we did not. We came the next day (the day of the ceremony). </p>
<p>It broke my heart thinking about his disappointment, the idea of going or not going did not seem that important. I don’t really regret not going the first day, even though he is my only son, I am not going to have more…I guess this is personal.</p>
<p>OP- Is it possible your son may not finish next spring, may already know he may need an extra semester and wants to avoid embarrassment?</p>
<p>I won’t be attending my high school graduation, so I see your son’s point. Why on earth would you want to go? You finished your degree/schooling, you’re graduating, why go through all the crud that goes with it? I understand that it may be important to the parents, but if it’s not important to the kids, then they shouldnt have to go. You have to let them make the choices they would be happy with, not the decisions that make YOU happy</p>
<p>"I understand that it may be important to the parents, but if it’s not important to the kids, then they shouldnt have to go. "</p>
<p>Not everything revolves around oneself. Going to graduation can be a nice way to express appreciation to those who have been helpful and supportive and have sacrificed so you can achieve. Spending a few hours at graduation is a small sacrifice to make to make one’s loved one’s happy.</p>