<p>We had feared for the past few years that this would happen, and followed the calendars as they became available. Much to our dismay, this weekend it was, unfortunately confirmed; Our older s's college graduation and younger s's HS graduation will fall on the SAME DAY!! AARRRGGHHH!!! Each son has "kindly" offered to fail a year so that this wouldn't be an issue :) We let them know that wouldn't be necessary. So how will we decide which parent goes to which event? College is, unfortunately in another state several hours away by plane. There is no practical way of trying to attend any part of both events. Unfortunately, extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) probably will not be planning to attend, so its even harder to schedule celebratory dinners, parties or what have you. Of course, we can plan some celebratory events on other weekends, but it just isn't quite the same.....</p>
<p>If anyone has any brilliant idea of how to flip this coin and decide who attends what, I am all ears. I think I may be merely looking for a little consoling :( This stinks. I am bummed......</p>
<p>Divide and conquer. One parent goes to one; the other to the other. The week after you have a BIIIIIG party at your house celebrating both boys. Graduation is one of those rare milestones where the achievement and celebration is way more important than the event. In five years neither of you will remember either ceremony.</p>
<p>Another thought: if the college graduation is one with zillions of kids, then I'd even consider skipping it altogether in favor of the presumably smaller HS graduation, and have TWO parties: HS the weekend of the HS ceremony, and a big party for your college grad son a week or so later when all of his friends can attend.</p>
<p>I suggest you flip a coin to determine which parent goes where so there is no question of parental favoritism. Then plan on a double celebration back home for both kids. And double congrats to kids and you!</p>
<p>I really feel for you. 2 one time events happening on the same day (i'll have a drink waiting for you on SA)</p>
<p>I agree with mombot. If he goes to a large school, then maybe you can attend the Bacculaurete ceremony and skip the school wide ceremoney. Purchase video cameras (if you don't already have 20 and one tape (or put on dvd) each ceremony then every one can see both of them together at a later date.</p>
<p>How do the children feel about the importance of their respective graduation ceremonies and or how large will their presence loom in the production? Will one of them be singled out for special awards that day? Perhaps your presence will matter more to one than the other under the circumstances. For example, my college graduating class (many years ago) was a cast of thousands; no one strode across the stage to receive their diplomas and shake hands with our president, and I don't recall a word the convocation speaker had to say. I only attended because my grandparents had come from several states away; I could not have cared less. My husband graduated across the country from his family so no one attended--not even he. Is it possible that your college graduate wouldn't be upset if you missed it altogether? I'm guessing that a younger son might feel differently. If you feel that one parent should attend each, consider having the parent least likely to travel across the country to attend do just that. Or, as occurs in some families where one parent tends to gravitate toward one child and the other parent toward another, switch off. It's not ideal but the kids will know how much you both wanted to be each place. Not even for your two DSs can you be in two places at once. Good luck and remember there's always grad school!</p>
<p>Thanks, mombot.
We figured we'd each attend one, but how do we decide who goes to which? What a double bind!! And as for the size of graduation, unfortunately the graduating college class is only about 600. Not a large crowd. My s just attended his gf's college graduation at a mega-monster university, and it was still important for both of them that he attended the event. I think just knowing we are there is important. I'm just bummed...... I wasn't surprised, as this has been the pattern for the past 3 years, so I've had time to get used to the idea. I just hate it. Grrr... However, on the bright site, planning to throw a big double party gives me an excuse to fix up the house (if I could afford it with the school tuitions!)</p>
<p>And marite-
You are right. The simplest solution may be the best. That, and deciding which of us wants to help him pack up and do the looong drive back home with all the stuff (assuming he is planning to come back home...)</p>
<p>My neice's had the same issue, the one in college, said it was better both parents attended the hs brother's graduation...they were adults, and they were going to grad school, and for one, the ceremony was so long, she didn't even want to sit through it, at that point, it was a ceremony she didn't think was a big deal...listening to boring speeches, having family sit in the hot room for hours, for the 30 seconds, maybe, where she got her diploma</p>
<p>So, my guess is, if for some reason, you couldn't go to the college ceremony, your all grownup son would be totally cool with it...something changes and the hooplah and bells andwhistles, somehow often isn't that important anymore...</p>
<p>sybbie-
Thanks for the drinks in SA! I need it!</p>
<p>Sybbie and Cosmo-
I really wish that (1) older s attended a huge school. He doesnt. Undergrad population is about 2400 or (2) that he didn't care about attending. He does. He's the one that called me with the notification of his graduation date. This kind of stuff is real important to older s. If anyone will say it doesnt matter that much to them, it'llbe younger s. I won't really believe him, but he tends to act like nothing phases him...</p>
<p>Think by then I can sit with a laptop and watch the graduation ceremony for one on it while I am attending the other??</p>
<p>and andi..
Great idea!! Always thinking!! :)</p>
<p>citigirlsmom-
At that age, throwing money at the situation does always seem to heal a few wounds... eh? I am sure I am more upset about this than they are.. It'll take some getting used to....</p>
<p>marite and weaverintl,
Thanks , too, for the congrats on thir (eventual) graduations. I am trying to keep focusing on the fact that this will be a happy time, tho I hate that I can't attend both.</p>
<p>And cosmo-- what I great reminder-- grad school!! Of course, with my luck, it'll happen then too :(</p>
<p>OMG, I'm seeing shades of my future--times a few! ACK! :eek:</p>
<p>I am very sorry that you are being forced into this difficult choice, and obviously there is no super easy or adequate solution, but of course, it makes sense to divide and conquer! </p>
<p>It's nice, though, that both of your guys are old enough and mature enough to understand. You will have much to celebrate! </p>
<p>I truly empathize with this one ...it has been my biggest fear - along with the one that college moving-in days would be the same too! (Fortunately they're not.)</p>
<p>My husband insists that I started worrying about this when my kids were five. I don't think so ... they must have been at least eight before I started to obsess.</p>
<p>However you decide to handle it, I'm certain that your boys know that in your heart you want to be both places at one time. They're probably better about it than you are. </p>
<p>How about having your husband snap real-time photos and send them by phone (or Internet on a wireless laptop) during the ceremony - and vice versa? </p>
<p>Actually, that's probably really far fetched. Instead, how about a family gathering shortly afterward where you show videos of both events?</p>
<p>twinmom-
Great minds think alike!! (See my post #9). Maybe that laptop idea will work! Also, I'd wondered how often this happens with twins, but suspect that when they do attend different schools, the colleges have the decency to schedule their graduations on different days! :)</p>
<p>Oh, and by the way, a guy who helped me carry stuff into my room the day I moved into my dorm at Vassar <em>many</em> years ago has remained a very good friend. In fact, we visited him and his family when we did the college tour bit a few yrs ago. So, lots of great freinds can be made on move-in day. It is actually a fun time!</p>
<p>You know, I just thought of something. You probably both attended older's HS graduation, right? So what's wrong with telling older "we can't be in two places at once, so since we both were at your HS graduation we decided we are going to attend HS graduation and then we are going to celebrate your graduation by giving you the money we would have spent flying out there and by the way we are going to have a kick*** party for both of you because you both rock!"</p>
<p>I didn't even GO to my college graduation--a lot of people skipped it. It really is anticlimactic, and the parties with your friends are so much more important.</p>
<p>If your family is more into ceremony, are there grandparents that can be deputized for older son's graduation? Or aunts/uncles or family friends? As long as somebody is there, he's not gonna care--he's going to be focused on spending that last time with his friends.</p>
<p>Twinmom-
I haven't even had a chance to ask the boys how they feel about missing each other's graduation and/or how they feel about the other not being there. I just brought up the idea of the big double party to younger son. His response was "would [insert older s's name here] have fun partying with my friends?" I reminded him that most of older s's friends don't live here. The party would be mostly family, his friends and our friends. He then told me he was watching a tivo of "24" which was clearly more important at the time. After all his graduation is 2 yrs away. It isn't on his radar screen right now.</p>
<p>mombot-
Unfortunately, we have no relatives here in our home town, and none near our s's college. Of the 2 remaining grandparents (grandfathers), one is 84 (almost 85) and one is 97 (almost 98). Unlikley they'll make it, unfortunately. there is one aunt who could possibly make it, but she cares for the 97 yr old grandfather. And so it goes....</p>
<p>I agree... this is likely to be more a stress on me than it is on them. I haven't even gotten my h's read on this yet. He'll probably see it as no big deal.</p>