<p>My stepson got in to school ED over my husband's(H) objections. H objects for many reasons, one of them being financial. The ED school is a PROFILE school and we simply can't afford it since the X remarried a millionaire (yes, really) and makes stepson ineligible for any aid. Stepson never had our permission to apply but now seems bound by the decision. Dissolution decree requires H and his X to pay the same amount. Have been trying to use courts since Aug but she keeps postponing the dates and we've yet to see a judge. How binding is ED since both parents didn't agree? We've contacted the school but they're unwilling to cooperate.</p>
<p>I don’t think the school will sue you for anything if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t know, however, what you are stuck with regarding his divorce decree. Was there any wording about the choice of a school? And how much of a difference is there $-wise between what you can pay and what half of tuition/room and board would be? I’m wondering if there’s a way to bridge that gap.</p>
<p>The school isn’t going to chain you to a post and FORCE your kiddo to attend. </p>
<p>To be honest,it’s water over the damn, but if you knew you wouldn’t be able to afford to send the kiddo, personally I don’t think you should have let him apply there. BUT then I don’t think ANY student should apply to a school that the parents cannot or will not pay for. Just sets them up for disappointment.</p>
<p>Time to move on. Hopefully your kiddo has an acceptance in hand to his state university or some other FAFSA only school where his dad’s income won’t need to be reported.</p>
<p>When you say the school “won’t cooperate” are you saying they will not release your son from his ED acceptance? Or will they not do anything about the aid? </p>
<p>If they won’t release your son from the ED agreement, I"m sure folks here would love to hear more…like which school…as there has been extensive discussion about just HOW binding ED agreements are. The consensus is that they are not if the funding isn’t adequate…but if the school won’t release your kiddo from this ED contract…do tell more so folks will be aware.</p>
<p>Who signed the ED agreement for your son?</p>
<p>The exwife signed the ED agreement. She’s all for Dickinson since my husband will have to pay through the nose. We split time equally so we’d definitely be able to apply for aid as the custodial parents at a fafsa only school. Dickinson College had his application on hold at one point so we could resolve this but after a call from the exwife’s attorney they accepted him without telling notifying my husband despite his requests for information. (I guess a cash cow for the Development Office is more important) This whole thing has been rammed through as if my husband had no parental rights yet he’ll be stuck with a huge bill.</p>
<p>Caroline, nobody is ramming anything. Take a deep breath.</p>
<p>The school won’t allow the kid to enroll if the bill is unpaid, so that’s not your issue- if you don’t pay, kid can’t go, it’s a simple as that. It’s not like a mortgage where if you are late paying the bank can take your house.</p>
<p>The issue is that presumably you want the kid to have a college education. That’s the problem, not that you are being railroaded into paying for a school you can’t afford.</p>
<p>So you need to focus on figuring out if the kid has other options and if not, getting him started on those. A call to Dickinson to tell them that he needs to withdraw because his parents have not resolved the college payment issue and therefore without aid he cannot attend is all it will take to get Dickinson to revoke the admission. Believe me, if they accepted him thinking he’s a development admit all it takes is a heads-up that he will need aid to enroll is all it will take to make the ED admission moot.</p>
<p>But if you want to help the kid- try to ratchet down the drama a little bit. It’s not the kids fault that his step parent is a millionaire and that the parents are trying to play both ends against the middle.</p>
<p>Has your husband talked with his son? Told him how much he can contribute to his schooling and that half of Dickinson’s COA is more than he can swing?</p>
<p>I’d also suggest that he ought to have a brief conversation with his divorce attorney to understand his options.</p>
<p>I agree. The father and the mother of this student should have had an understanding about how the college costs were going to be covered and how much was going to be spent on their child long before the ink was dry. If your H “wants out” of the cost of the private school I agree all he has to do is call and say he’s not paying, does he know for fact how much he was being expected to contribute by his ex-wife?..but if he does that - pulls the plug on the ED… then he owes a $$ figure to his child how much he is going to pay, as he is the father. It would horrible if this was a game between the parents of this student e.g. if the mother was actually going to pay the full cost if necessary and the father was pushing back by plugging the plug on the ED and the student is caught in the middle. That is far sadder than two ex spouses fighting over money.</p>
<p>I think the OP thinks that they would have had a better deal at a FAFSA only school, but probably not.</p>
<p>She suggests that they split custody time 50/50…if so, then the “custodial parent” is the one who provides MORE money/earns more money…that is likely the mom with the millionaire husband. So THEIR info would have gone on FAFSA anyway.</p>
<p>Besides…FAFSA only schools don’t give much aid anyway. I think she thinks that if her household’s income was used, their EFC would be low enough to get tons of aid…not likely…since FAFSA only schools typically give lousy aid. (Maybe she thinks EFC is all you have to pay…No!)</p>
<p>I wonder about the wisdom of the husband’s atty to have left a “blank check” requirement of 50% of college costs without specifying a limit (such as 50% of a PUBLIC instate school). What exactly does the divorce decree say? </p>
<p>I would have my H simply tell the child and the mom that there is NO WAY that you ahve the money for an expensive private school…and that the 50/50 intent was for the costs of an instate public. What can they do? Even if they try to take you back to court, I doubt a judge is going to say that you have to pay for the school of THEIR choice (which they signed against your H’s will)…especially since the lack of aid is due to the ex’s wealthy husband.</p>
<p>BTW…how much will your H pay for college each year?</p>
<p>When you say your husband will have to pay through the nose, does that mean he <em>can</em> pay $20K+? If he signed that a divorce agreement saying that he would pay half and he can (meaning he and you have an income in the $80K-ish range assuming no other kids in college), he may not be able to plead poverty. That really is an issue for an attorney. <em>However,</em> I suspect it would be very hard on your stepson if his father signed that he would pay, has the money and won’t. (Realize that college’s definition of “having the money” is very different from most peoples’ definitions.) I would consult with an attorney but dad and his son need to do a lot of talking. (You said you are trying to take this to court. What does the attorney say are your husband’s rights?)</p>
<p>I don’t know if you’ve been through financial aid before but just a few notes:
- Most FAFSA schools do not meet need so it won’t matter much what it says unless he qualifies for Pell (which he would get at a Profile school). In other words, if he doesn’t qualify for Pell, a FAFSA school may not give him any aid other than a loan. You could still be required to pay half of that. (And yes, that would be less than half of Dickinson but I’m just throwing out that a low EFC doesn’t guarantee grant money in case you are expecting financial aid.)
- You say you could be listed as the custodial parents because you split time equally. If you split time equally, the parents who provide the most support must be listed as the custodial parents-- and if mom married a millionaire, that is probably her.
- Schools expect parents to fund college from savings, current earnings and loans. Schools also expect parents to use a portion of assets. (For Profile schools, that includes primary residence.) If you run an online calculator, you may have some idea of what Profile and FAFSA colleges would have expected just from you, regardless of how rich her husband is. I suggest that because most people are surprised what a school would have expected you to pay. It is not hard to have an estimated parental contribution of $25K which is what you’re talking about.
- Based on what you wrote here, I don’t see that Dickinson did anything wrong. This is not their fight and I’m not sure what information your husband was seeking. I can’t think of any information to which he would be entitled that couldn’t be found on a webpage.</p>
<p>*A call to Dickinson to tell them that he needs to withdraw because his parents have not resolved the college payment issue and therefore without aid he cannot attend is all it will take to get Dickinson to revoke the admission. *</p>
<p>can a parent do this? Or must it be the child?</p>
<p>If a parent can do this, then the H needs to tell the mother and student that the admission is going to be revoked because of lack a affordability. At that point, the mom is going to have to make a decision…either she pays for much more than 50% or the kid withdraws.</p>
<p>In the meantime, you have to determine how much you WILL pay. I get the feeling (and maybe I’m wrong), but you thought that you would have to pay VERY LITTLE if he went to - say - a state flagship. However, unless you’re very low income, you would have likely have had to pay at least $10k per year for a flagship.</p>
<p>CH,
I don’t think your stepson is going to receive much if any aid with one millionaire parent. So I would second opinion of offering 1/2 public school tuition and suggest he take out a loan for the balance which may put you fairly close. Then mom & new husband have the option of covering his portion. It may not be as bad as it seems. I would try to resolve it between the adults. I don’t think the school is going to be much help here. Do you really want to have his admission rescinded? Although don’t know if I’d go to the carpet for Dickinson although I’ve heard good things about it.</p>
<p>I think many states that have specific policies in place say 50% of state college. I had that language in my divorce decree. XH ended up paying more as S1 went to an ivy and I asked to have my portion of the sale of our house put towards tuition instead. So, I guess it actually was my $$, but I didn’t think I was ever going to see it so it worked out. Of course I’m the only one with a parent loan, but whatever…</p>
<p>First, I would not call the college and ask them to withdraw the app. If the mother has lots of money, when push comes to shove, maybe she’ll pay more than half.</p>
<p>I’d be afraid of this causing a rift between you and DH and his son. I’m guessing he wants to attend Dickenson.</p>
<p>Has your DH sat him down and told him what you can afford?</p>
<p>Have you consulted DH’s divorce attorney? From what I’ve seen, the standard most courts will use if there’s no language about type of college is the cost of a state college. </p>
<p>The priorities now should be to make sure he has cheaper options and to make him aware of your financial situation.</p>
<p>Sorry you are in this mess! I think the ex-wife’s lawyer is delaying as a tactic to push the two parties into an agreement. Probably one reason why your husband was not too keen about ED - not much negotiation or wiggle room. Based on the change in family circumstance, a judge or magistrate could possibly alter the support decree such that the wife is on the hook for the difference between half of state school and total cost of Dickenson. In the meantime, the mother should be happy to co-sign your son’s extra loans since she signed the ED letter. (right…)
I think if you withdraw from ED, you lose the acceptance, so see if the school can give you an extension for responding with the deposit, while this is sorted out.</p>
<p>This isn’t truly an ED issue. The problem is that the divorce decree says that husband pays one-half college expense. The college doesn’t care where the $$ comes from, just that it is paid, and it really has no interest in the divorce decree. If the husband balks at paying his court ordered share, the ex-wife can simply have new hubby pay it all and take it back before the divorce judge to have the husband held in contempt of court. The divorce judge may adjust the shares, taking into consideration the relative wealth of the parties, but it almost assuredly will not get him to less than one-half of the State U’s cost. That’s why the OP and her husband are trying to get back into court to modify the earlier order. That’s also why the ex-wife was more than willing to sign any ED papers for the college.</p>
<p>BTW, I think the husband could be in deep trouble if he interfers with the college acceptance.</p>
<p>Although I don’t think the OP wants to hear this, Dickinson is a very good school for a lot of kids. My D is a junior there, and it has been perfect for her. I “pay through the nose”, as my ex-H pays NOTHING of the tuition. She does get some merit aid, but it is still a hefty bill. Worth it, in my opinion. </p>
<p>I’m only partially sympathetic to the OP. Could be that her H is the type to be totally hands off through the decision process (eg, does NONE of the work on something like college selection, which as everyone out here knows is a big job), then complains like crazy once a decision is made. I am also always a little suspicious when a stepparent is whining about expenditures for their spouse’s kids… </p>
<p>Why in the world would he sign a divorce agreement like this, then not be there EVERY STEP of the way in the decision process? Campus visits, and working together on a spreadsheet of test scores/costs/application options? Of COURSE the ex-W is a witch (I would not expect the OP to say anything else, and probably she will provide many examples). That is no excuse for her H to have not actively participated in this process. And a hand-wringing “but the evil ex-W wouldn’t LET him” holds zero sway with me.</p>
<p>We told Dickinson we could not afford it and they were unfazed and accepted him anyway.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, my husband got bad advice and entered into an agreement with no cap on college costs. However, this was before she married the sugar daddy so he did not plan for that.</p>
<p>While it sounds strange, we actually provide more support. There is no child support either way, all expenses are split 50/50 except that the children are on my husbands insurance for which he pays all the full premium. Granted, she provides the kid with a Lexus and we provide him with an Accord, but hey.</p>
<p>Good to know about the fafsa-only schools not providing as much however, anything is better than applying full-boat at Dickinson. Various on-line calculators put our total EFC between $22,000 to $14,000 (that would then be split with EX). That’s better than $51,000 to be split. My husband figured he could pay around $10,000-$12,000 a year but then in 2013 when my stepD goes to school it would have to be adjusted. At this point, we’ve got to pay $20+K/year for two years then $40+K /year for the two after that when the two kids overlap. Eeek! We’ve been trying to work out a fair and reasonable amount to pay (more than in-state tuition – less than full boat private) but the EX has no interest. I don’t know if there is much of a shot at modifying post-majority support.</p>
<p>We’d hate to revoke the acceptance. However, his attitude towards his father’s plight is disappointing. After all, of the three people responsible for the kid’s education (his mother, his father, and the child himself) the only one who’s actually earning the money is the one who is disregarded.</p>
<p>really intparent? Retract your claws and save them for your own ex. You know nothing about the college visits my husband took my stepson on and the haranguing we had to do get this kid to study for the SAT (which the night before the EX took him to a concert and got him home at 3am!!!) Is that the same hard work you put into your D’s college search? Go find a menopausal first wives thread. This is the wrong one for you.</p>
<p>OP, make sure your DH has some serious solid communication with his son on this. We see posts all the time on this board from the student in this situation and the quick read of Dad not paying his court ordered share and preventing DS from attending the school of his dreams is going to take some “splainin, Lucy” to make it not look horrible to the DS.</p>
<p>Kids don’t fully understand how much money it takes just to live and DHs salary will sound like a large number.</p>
<p>What about paying the share that is 1/2 a public cost (in CA, that would be $15k to be half of Berkeley)? And have DH take loans for the rest, then if DS graduates successfully, DH could pay off the loans over the next few years? This assumes DH believes the school choice in spot on and would like to make it work, but really does not have the money.</p>
<p>Caroline, I’m starting to feel for your stepson.</p>
<p>You told Dickinson that you couldn’t afford tuition, they accepted the kid anyway, and now you’ve got an axe to grind with Dickinson?</p>
<p>I understand how scary and upsetting it is for you to be facing what looks like a giant vacuum cleaner sucking money out of your pocket. I do understand. But try to see this situation from your stepson’s perspective- mom and dad are arguing about money. (what else is new). New dad and new mom don’t have much of an interest in what I want or what I need but they sure like to complain that somehow they’re getting screwed. Hey- I think I’ll apply early to Dickinson to **** everyone off. Mom will try and get dad to pay for the whole thing. Dad will complain that he can’t afford it. Heard this story before.</p>
<p>I think someone in the equation (and it may have to be a sympathetic and knowledgeable guidance counselor given the dynamic you are describing. I would not be paying a lawyer good money to provide family counseling) needs to sit down with your stepson and explain that life stinks some times and isn’t fair, but given the divorce, remarriage, and somewhat vague or contentious terms in the divorce agreement, the kid needs to quickly apply to a couple of colleges that his dad with zero contribution from mom can afford.</p>
<p>Enough time for fighting about the bill. Your stepson’s options may be running out as you all get exercised about Dickinson and who’s a millionaire and who signed the ED form and what happens when kid number 2 gets to college. You can go there once there are some actual choices on the table. But if your stepson doesn’t apply to some other options asap he may have zero choices come April. His life may come down to Dickinson which nobody will pay for (and the school won’t let him show up in August without his tuition paid, no matter what the ED agreement says) or finding a job and continuing to shuttle back and forth between Mom/Millionaire and Dad/You.</p>
<p>So try to understand that your anger at Dickinson and Mom is misplaced right now- kid needs to find a school to apply to which is affordable even if the warring parties fail to resolve the support issue before the bill shows up.</p>