<p>There are tons of families here that can not pay their EFC, why should anyone assume this family can? And how does any Profile school even arrive at a EFC? That’s pretty much a mystery. So when Caroline says what the EFC is, I’m confused. I don’t think it’s a matter of figuring out their EFC separate from that of the mom and her husband.</p>
<p>I think enough of us have seen enough divorce scenarios to take an educated guess at what a judge will do. Hard to believe a judge could or would demand any parent pay half of an expensive private college, especially when the parent made it clear they did not intend to.</p>
<p>Why is it hard to believe the dad’s expectation was a cheaper school when he signed? It sounds like the mom hit the financial jackpot in her second marriage, something hard to anticipate. Her tastes and expectations for everything have likely changed whereas his have not.</p>
<p>I notice that the OP says her H objects to Dickinson for “many reasons”, and finances were not the only one. I am curious what the other objections would be (as I mentioned in an earlier post, my D is a junior at Dickinson).</p>
<p>My kids are both putting in Staffords and working during the semester and summers. That adds up to a tidy sum. Seems like that would take care of much of the gap right there, not to mention getting the S some skin in the game (and a reminder that the multi-million lifestyle doesn’t happen for everyone. </p>
<p>OP, a typical rule of thumb is that the family contrib for one student will be between 25-around 30% of income. The expectation of College Board (who runs PROFILE) is that 1/3 comes from prior income (savings), 1/3 income from current earnings, and 1/3 from furute earnings (loans). It’s a serious reality check, no matter what one’s family status may be.</p>
<p>Pea and 2college, I guess we’ll just agree to disagree. I think dad signed the divorce agreement and if he had wanted to limit it to cc or state school, he or his attorney would have put that in. Dickinson’s cost is pretty much what a private college costs in the US. Dad only has to come up with HALF the college’s costs so he’s in a better position than many parents (he has 2 adults in his household to pay half a private school) and he’s had years to save. That’s a very different position than families that didn’t sign an agreement and have to come up with all of it. I can imagine some scenarios where I wouldn’t be able to come up with my efc-- but this doesn’t sound like one of them. In this case, I would have been saving for years because I haven’t heard anything to make me believe he hasn’t had the income to save, use or borrow $20-$25K/year.</p>
<p>The thing is, we don’t know the dad’s frame if reference. It’s hard to believe here on CC, but to most Americans, college means a local CC, or if the kid is a high achiever, the state flagship. </p>
<p>Also, having many divorced friends, from what I’ve seen is it really takes a toll of college savings for all but the most wealthy. When one household becomes two, it’s tough.</p>
<p>The ex wealth hurts us, not helps. Instead of living in a community with lower taxes and home prices nearer work, we are in a home in a “swanky” town (as some would say) to be near the kids. And we are near the kids because she offered to go 50/50 about a year after the original dissolution to be near her boyfriend (now husband) half the time. H was happy to oblige and that’s when they went to no child support. Prior to that, he was paying support. I bet it costs more to maintain a larger home in this area than if H just paid support. The mortgage, the clothes, the junk in their room, are all costs we maintain whether they are here or not.</p>
<p>If the ex was not ridiculously wealthy she’d still have her regular job and would work with us to find solutions to pay for college. </p>
<p>Then there was the “economic downturn.” That really did it to us.</p>
<p>“Dad and his new wife seem to think that they should be the ones who benefit from that. Why?” </p>
<p>How are we benefiting? We pull our weight with time attention and money. Now that it’s time for college, we don’t have access as other families with our same lifestyle and income as us to put their kids through college. We are barred from it because of a wealth man who is not even related to us. It’s like having to pay takes on a mansion you don’t own or don’t live in. We don’t mind the “taxes,” we just want to be “taxed” for the home that’s ours.</p>
<p>to jonri - “Why are people so sympathetic to a step mom who comes on he and insults a regular poster?” </p>
<p>Why are you so negative? Prior to my response to intparent, her comments were insulting, belittling, PERSONAL attacks on my H and myself whom she obviously does not know. If this is a forum for the exchange of information then hers were not informational, just misplaced aggression. So are yours.</p>
<p>"she offered to go 50/50 about a year after the original dissolution to be near her boyfriend (now husband) half the time. H was happy to oblige and that’s when they went to no child support. Prior to that, he was paying support. "</p>
<p>See, I think the no support/half college was a bargaining chip. He was off the hook for support with the assumption that he would be on the hook for half of college. I think that’s the situation you married into.</p>
<p>Right here, you wrote:
“we don’t have access as other families with our same lifestyle and income as us to put their kids through college.”
I think you see it yourself. You have had the income and spent it on a lifestyle that wasn’t reasonable for you and didn’t allow you to save for college. Perhaps now is the time to sell that house and take some of the equity and put it for college. Just move into an apartment somewhere else. After all, you have at least 3 kids between you so you are facing many years of college tuition bills. </p>
<p>And as far as the car… None of my kids have had a car or fancy clothes during college. As a matter of fact, my house is sort of in great disrepair but I do have the $ for my efc. Do I take it from other stuff? You bet! That’s what colleges expect when they come up with these figures. The estimates <strong>are</strong> high but it sounds like it’s within 30% of your gross income. If your husband thought he could come up with $15K, perhaps the other $10K can come from the house (sale or equity loan), the sale of the car, etc.</p>
<p>There’s 7 people living in this house. 2 parents, 2 step kids, 2 more kids, and my mil (and a cat). </p>
<p>We’re supposed to squeeze in an apt so we can pay full boat for a Dickinson education based on a millionaires income? Believe me, when step kid 2 graduates, we’re moving closer to my H’s work (in a town that’s cheaper) so he doesn’t have to commute 45mins and we can get out from under this house! But with the fall in the market since we bought it I hope it will be enough (plus closing costs, realtor fees and moving expenses.)</p>
<p>The last time my H and I went on vacation was our honeymoon. We don’t live lavishly.</p>
<p>Based on what the OP has said so far, it seems as if ex-wife is trying to really drive a wedge between the OP’s husband and his son. It sounds as if the husband was almost completely “out of the loop” with respect to college choices or the ED decision. Without knowing the terms of the Separation Agreement, I find this interesting:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>To me, that implies that the husband had no right to put the application “on hold” while they were trying to work out who pays for what. The ex-wife signed the ED agreement without the husband and either she has the right under the Agreement to call the shots or the choice of schools was entirely left up to the son. Hopefully, the son was being duped by his mother (at least in the choice to apply ED). Mom may have told him that he didn’t need to worry about the cost and doesn’t realize what the cost of college is going to do to his father.</p>
<p>It is also interesting that the OP’s husband has been trying to get the Agreement back before the judge since August. He must have known that something was up back then and I don’t think that this result is totally a surprise.</p>
<p>“We’re supposed to squeeze in an apt so we can pay full boat for a Dickinson education based on a millionaires income?” </p>
<p>No, I think you need to consider moving to a cheaper neighborhood or taking the equity out of the house because you have <strong>4</strong> kids to put through college and live in a neighborhood that you can’t afford. But that’s just an idea. (And again, it’s not because it’s based on a millionaire’s income. It’s because your husband agreed to it. Remember, he got out of paying child support for years.)</p>
<p>Caroline, what has the attorney told you? I’m wondering if your husband has joint <em>legal</em> custody and not just joint physical custody. If he has joint legal custody, my understanding is that that means the parent has say in the student’s schooling and, in your case, they have kept your husband from having any say. But I don’t know how that say plays out when we’re talking about college and about a kid who will probably be an adult by next fall. I still think your husband will be held responsible for <em>something</em> but I don’t know what that something is. It’s a shame there is so much animosity because it really sounds like this kind of thing could benefit from a mediator but it doesn’t sound like that would go anywhere.</p>
<p>It is interesting that your husband wanted to get this before the judge in August. Was there already disagreement about colleges that early on?</p>
<p>I feel for the SS. He is in part the product of both parents’ decisions past and present. Here he is in the process of something that is a really big step in any kid’s life and his parents are fighting each other. Man, I bet he feels great.</p>
<p>I too agree that there probably are two sides to this story and more if you have any thought for the SS.</p>
<p>No one is telling you to do that. But if you really can’t afford that Dickinson cost, you need to tell your son this cannot happen. It sounds like you (the OP) can’t afford YOUR half of the cost of Dickinson either. That is that.</p>
<p>Whatever the story is…if the family will not pay for this college, the student needs to DECLINE the ED offer as soon as possible. Until he does, he cannot apply to other schools. He needs time to do so. He needs to fill out applications, get stuff from his guidance office, etc. This all takes TIME. Right now the parents are not only dealing with their financial disagreements, but the family is also frittering away valuable time to get ON with this college process. This kid needs to be able to apply to some less espensive schools…ones that the family WILL support. Time to move on.</p>
<p>I wonder if the dad planned on paying 1/2 all along and kinda let it go a bit to put off the fight with the new wife. Now he is trying to placate Caroline because she is freaking out. Sounds like the father can pretty much pay for 1/2 with a little bit of sacrifice. Pay the 22k and let the kid get loans for the rest of your other half. And start figuring out what you are going to do for the other kids…including the ones that are just your own. If you have to take loans for a portion of that 22k …do it and understand that you are not alone. This is really not the kids fault and I bet if you were not remarried to him he would gladly be paying 1/2. Or refuse. The mom will probably pick up the slack. She may sue you and you will probably be forced to pay 15k (or half of the state school). But the kid will surely know and I don’t think that is what the dad intended or would do if you were not there with your two kids waiting to go to college. Do you want him to do this to your kids? You need to want the best for his kids and love them like your own. Just not worth it for something he promised to do. If the ex wifes spouse pushed you over the top to NOT get FA, it is only after the 22k that colleges feel you can pay. Complain about that or make him get a loan for that but otherwise its on you. If the ex wife had an EFC of 22k she would have to do the same and I doubt you would say oh, we will pay your share because we make more money. You would blame her for being stupid/poor/bad financial decisions etc. Instead she married rich and you are angry and bitter about it. When your neighbor wins the lottery you can be envious but you still gotta pay your bills.</p>
<p>2college we go - he didn’t “get out of” paying for child support. Any money that was used for child support was diverted to cover the extra expenses incurred by having them half the time. We moved from a town further away to be in the kids school district since we had them so much more. It’s nice, but modest. We need a certain amount of room because of the size of the family. Moving out back out of town will only make it harder on the step kids to commute to the schools here (b/c they’ll be in the same district since xW is here). </p>