I myself am gay, and somewhat scared of the roommate selection process… and yes I know some colleges let you find a roommate yourself … but I’m talking about the ones that dont
I’ve always just considered myself a normal guy. For the most part, I don’t have any “flamboyant” traits. When I came out in senior year of HS during a presentation I was doing (yes I came out in a presentation in journalism lmao), I remember glimpsing up and seeing pretty much everyones mouths hanging wide open with surprise. Not even my closest friends had suspected it. Anyways, lets get to the point of this post…
While I’d like everyone to see that there’s more to me than just my sexuality, I know thats not possible and know that having a gay roomate - no matter how chill (and I’m pretty laid back tbh) - makes lots of straight guys uncomfortable.
With that being said, I don’t want to put anyone in a position where they are uncomfortable. I dont want anyone to force themselves to be uncomofortable because they are afraid of offending me or hurting my feelings. I dont want anyone to be in a position where they want to change roommates but are afraid/embarassed to do so. Again, I want to make it as easy as possible for my roommate to be comfortable and act like themselves.
How do colleges take stuff like this into consideration, if at all? What can I do to help the other person if they feel uncomfortable but dont want to say anything?
I know some colleges have LGBT floors and such, but to be honest I’ve never been a fan of the general LGBT community. I find some of the community to be just as annoying as many others do (no disrespect intended). Like I just want to live my life without being thrown into certain groups or houses for how I identify, but then again I don’t want to end up making someone feel uncomfortable. Any tips?
A rooming questionnaire that my freshman kid filled out last year had comfort ratings of 1-5 for various situations and scenarios. One question addressed comfort level of rooming with an LGBTQ student. I assume those indicating high comfort level might be paired together. However, not sure this would be the critical factor, as there were scores of questions used to match roommates. If concerned, you might contact the admissions office. Good Luck-
My son also filled out a questionnaire that asked various questions. I’m sure your school will have some type of similar method to match roommates. You may also find someone on your own to room with - my son found his on the Class of 2021 Facebook page the spring of his senior year.
Some colleges pay attention to this and others not at all. Either way, it’s not up to you to make the other student feel comfortable. Just treat him with the respect and politeness you would anyone else.
If there is a LGBT or diversity office, you can ask there. Admissions will just give you happy talk.
You’re a person. Your roommate shouldn’t want to switch rooms just because of your identity or orientation. But even if they do, it’s not your responsibility to make them feel comfortable with living with someone gay. It’s definitely not your responsibility to make them feel comfortable with giving voice to their personal discomfort with living with someone gay. Frankly, someone who wants to switch roommates just because of their roommate’s sexual orientation should feel embarrassed.
With that said, there’s not a whole lot of ways the college CAN take this into consideration. In a lot of states, asking you your sexual orientation and then allowing other people to choose to room with you because of it would be illegal, or at least open them up to a lawsuit. Other state or schools may ask the question, as someone suggested above, on an housing questionnaire.
You may also be worrying prematurely. You may get put with a roommate that doesn’t care that you’re gay, or who is also gay. I think it’s a problem you shouldn’t worry about unless it actually happens, and then you can seek assistance from your RA or from others on the housing staff. Or you could call up the housing office and ask them about your concerns, and talk to them about what what options you and your hypothetical roommate would have in such a case.
The vast majority of college students will not care. Be cool with who you are and enjoy your college experience. You may have some roommate drama but I’d be will to bet it is not because of your orientation.
My son is straight, His freshman year roommate is gay. It was not something they knew about each other before they began rooming together. They are still rooming together in second year. with no issues related to sexual orientation. A large part of it may be that my son is at a school known for its performing arts focus so it is inherently more LGBTQ friendly/aware. My son has many friends from HS on who are gay and he has no issues with anybody and does not create issues for anyone.
I would fill out the questionnaire honestly but not necessarily emphasize your sexuality.
I don’t remember any questions at my DS’s school regarding sexual orientation in roommate selection. They did have a contact person for students requesting gender neutral housing. My DS would also be cool as long as the roommate was respectful, interesting and liked to eat out.
