<p>Ok, well the school I'm going to selects freshmen roommates for you via a roommate questionnaire. The final question on this questionnaire is something along the lines of "If you could have a relationship with anyone in the world, who would it be?" This question originally made me pretty uncomfortable, but do you think I should just answer with a guy and make it clear that I'm gay? I know another option for me would be to put some BS answer in about privacy, which others have done.</p>
<p>Basically, do you think this is a good way to clear thinks up without having a big "coming out conversation," or do you think I this might make him feel awkward?</p>
<p>Just to clear things up, your roommate sees how you answered this second part of the questionnaire. What they don't see is the beginning, in which there is a question like "how would you feel about a roommate with a different sexual orientation?"
My potential roommate would have said they were fine with me being gay.</p>
<p>I personally would have put something about privacy, but I can see how the other option would be preferable. If someone felt awkward about you answering honestly, then the two of you might not work out as roommates.</p>
<p>Is this questionnaire through the school or on something like a FB page for the class of 2017? Because if the school itself asked this, I would refuse to answer that, because it’s not their business.</p>
<p>But it would be preferable to have the cards on the table before roommate assignments were made rather than risking a blow up, wouldnt it? Its a non issue for some but there are others who would be very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>@clarinette, it’s through the housing committee, and only the committee will see the whole thing, and my roommate will see the second part. I haven’t seen the whole thing, but from my understanding, it asks how you would feel with a non-straight roommate, and then you have the option to include anything about “concerns/ things to be considered” they don’t ask upfront though.</p>
<p>I’m hoping that when they answer it, if they see they have no problem having a gay roommate, then that’s the truth. Hopefully no one would feel the need to lie so that they don’t come across as homophobic.</p>
<p>Also, whoever the housing committee sets me up with, I’ll most likely be stuck with for at least a little while unless it’s a huge issue.</p>
<p>i would answer with a guy. if you’re completely open on rice’s roommate forms you are much more likely to end up with a roommate who’s a good match for you. if you’re especially outgoing or introverted i would also be loud and clear about that on the confidential form. most people i know who aren’t happy with their roommate situation have a drastically different lifestyle from their roommate, which can cause tension.</p>
<p>Short answer: Come out through this survey. That’s what I plan to do. </p>
<p>Longerish answer: Don’t just say “With a guy.” Unless…that’s your only requirement, I guess. Just answer the question normally, but work in some extra male pronouns, to make it clear.</p>
<p>as long as you are not going to rutgers you should be ok.
I am sure you are aware many people claim to be tolerant(that is in the abstract of course) but when they find out their roommate is LGBTQ they realize that is just lip service and get uncomfortable. so, I would not make it an issue up front. no need to hide who you are but, I doubt your roommate introduces themselves as saying I have a thing for red headed midgets with green eyes.</p>
<p>also if you get a roommate from the out of the country or they have parents from out of the country (non western europe) you may have a problem.</p>
<p>I disagree w zo. You dont want to enter a roommate situation without having disclosed beforehand, so you do not end up with some who is irrational/intolerant.</p>
<p>You need to tell your parents. They may already know in the way parents do. They may be able to be your biggest supporters/advocates. They may have to grieve a little first for what they might have imagined your life would be or out of caring about grief you may experience as a result of being gay so expect that and accept it. Fortunately, we are living in much more accepting times than our parents did so you may have parents who just deal with it as no big deal and who are able to be at your back when you need that.</p>
There is specifically a survey asking lots of questions about me so we can know each other better, and one of the questions is what famous person I would go on a date with… Should I just skip the question then? I’m sure they’ll be somewhat tolerant, although it could be a little weird for them. My biggest concerns are 1) How to make them the most comfortable/what would be the best way to tell them and 2) if I tell them in the roommate survey, will they tell their parents, and will it all come out when we meet?</p>
<p>
Why do I need to tell them? It’s not something I’m planning on keeping a secret forever. Mostly I just don’t want to tell them until I’m away in college, just so I can avoid awkwardness. I am 100% confident that they’ll be extremely accepting.</p>
<p>You need to tell your parents so that you can feel free to be forthright in your roommate survey without worrying that if you are honest, in which case you avoid being matched with a roommate who could be intolerant and make your life hell, word might get to your parents.</p>
<p>I disagree that the OP needs to tell his parents OR his roommate via a survey. I personally would skip the question, but let the roommate know in the first couple of days what the deal is (after parents have left). </p>
<p>By the way, this seems like a really stupid question. Um… so you match up the two people who have the same answer? Or… you DON’T put together my D (who says “Kurt Vonnegut”) and a girl who says “any Jonas brother”? I love how some ad com (or housing person) thinks this kind of question is “fun” and “an icebreaker”. Ick.</p>
<p>Well, from what I understand there are 2 parts.
Part 1: more private and boring information used to match together roommates ie. what time do you wake up and go to bed, do you listen to music while you study, and any special concerns. This is only shared with the matching committee.</p>
<p>Part 2: funny icebreaker questions about yourself which is sent to your roommate so they don’t feel like the person they’re going to be living with is a stranger.</p>
<p>I’m starting to think that I’ll just tell him the first few days we’re there. Trying to make sure that my parents don’t find out would be too stressful. Or, maybe if we’re Facebook friends I can tell him then, but explain that I don’t want my family to find out.</p>
<p>I think you should be frank about yourself and say it outright. It is essential to have a good environment within the dorm and that can’t be achieved if your room mate is not comfortable with you/your sexuality.</p>
<p>IMHO, the room mate needs to know, at some point. You also need to be open about other things like being messy or neat, night owl or morning person, and other aspects of your personality, not just who you would date, so that you don’t have major conflicts with each other.
What you don’t want, is to have to hide from your room mate, or fear he will disaprove of you. You need to be comfortable in your room- it’s where you live-and so does your room mate. What you will find is that your room mate and you will be totally different people trying to work things out to live together- so the more things you can agree on together- the easier it will be.
The room mate may have less of an issue with you being gay than how you will handle it. He might not appreciate a room mate having either a girlfriend or boyfriend in the room all the time, and you may not like this either.
Saying you are gay will start the conversation about how each of you will handle relationships with consideration for the other. If your potential room mate has a problem with you being gay, then you don’t want to room together.
Most schools have resources for gay students. If you are concerned how to handle this, I would imagine that they would help you with the housing process and advise you about how to bring this up. I understand that putting this down on a questionnaire may not remain private. I would be concerned about this too, and who else sees this information. Maybe they know the best thing to do.</p>
<p>This is probably not the first time they’ve been contacted for this. They can also help you come out to your parents at some point, when you are ready, and also support you through it. There is no simple answer to this as every family is different about how they will handle this. Your parents may also need support if they have questions or are confused. A call to the college LGBT center when they open in a few weeks might shed some light on the room mate question and how to tell your parents.</p>