<p>duke, that’s the right way to do it. Offer the info that others will be home.</p>
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<p>This is very different. Girls are used to dealing with boys their own age, but they are not typically accustomed to dealing with grown men, especially men who are in a perceived position of power. </p>
<p>Additionally, I think the conversation assumes that the girl is alone with a male interviewer, or does not know if anyone else will be at home during the interview.</p>
<p>“trapped by someone twice her size…no way to escape” </p>
<p>Yikes, is the poor DD 3 feet tall? She can’t walk out the door? Give her mace if you are so paranoid, and as so eloquently related above by marymac, it will be probably be needed more in a dorm room at 3 a.m. next year, than an interview.</p>
<p>I can’t wait to hear what y’all think about my intention to allow my 18 year old high school graduate (read: adult) to go backpacking in Europe this summer.</p>
<p>Fauve…3 feet tall! Heeeheee. I LOLed TWICE in this thread now!</p>
<p>Wait…wait! Edited to say I LOLed AGAIN just THINKING about “oh my dear, 3 feet tall!” Oh, no, I can’t contain myself…I’m too old for this, I might pee my pants.</p>
<p>No offense to little people.</p>
<p>Hooray R124687- You’ve given your DD the skills to succeed in the real world, and exhibited your trust in her to solve the rare problem that arises!</p>
<p>Sorry about the, ah, leakage.</p>
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<p>Sorry, this is wishful thinking. What possible information from LinkedIn or similar profiles is going to help you? Gee, you can verify that Mr. Bob Alumni is a VP at Very-Important-Co and has 100 contacts in LinkedIn, many of which appear to be related to his college or his area of business. What information is that possibly going to give you that is going to help you suss ahead ahead of time that he’s a creep or not? What, he moved from real estate to accounting? Aside from a “Wanted in Five States!” ad, what is googling possibly going to tell you? </p>
<p>Sorry. As I mentioned upthread, the man I know who molested his young daughter was a Harvard B-School alumni and a good guy by all who knew him – until this came out. I was the victim of unwanted sexual attention as a teen (by a middle-aged man) and it was by someone who was a Sunday school teacher and also a pillar of the community. The point is, you just don’t know. People who do stuff like this don’t have “markers” or big signs above their heads. It’s ALWAYS “I never would have suspected he would have done something like this.” So, therefore, you can live your life two ways. You can refuse to leave your home without an armed guard, or you can go live your life and encourage your children to do the same.</p>
<p>@ fauve: A young woman who is encouraged to trust her instincts, set her own boundaries and speak her mind is better equipped to handled uncomfortable dorm room situations than someone who ignores her legitimate concerns for fear of offending an interviewer.</p>
<p>PizzaGirl- I’m not sure what kind of “business” you engage in but the last time I checked none of my business trips involved me going to the homes of strangers. </p>
<p>Let me ask this…If your child’s male teacher invited them around their house one evening (alone) to discuss their school work would you let your daughter go? I don’t think so. </p>
<p>What makes this ok just because it’s “Ivy League”</p>
<p>It took several well publicised murders of real estate agents before the industry became aware of the dangers and worked to put better safety policies in place. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl et al: would it be ok with you that your child is the first interviewee to be murdered before “us people” are proved correct for being cautious?</p>
<p>I was molested when I was young.
I was also orphaned due to domestic violence.
I raised my daughter alone since day 1.
I traveled alone spring break of my senior year.
I went to France at 15 (which changed my life).
I have a brain, and instincts.</p>
<p>MY DAUGHTER has a brain, training, and instints. She’s not going to walk alone down a dark alley with her diamonds glinting in the lone streetlight calling “Can anyone help a poor girl alone”. </p>
<p>We all make choices that we hope are “sound”. But nothing is foolproof. One just doesn’t want to be a fool. And we all have our own boundary line over which we won’t cross. But I’d rather they dipped their toe over once in a while than just jump and not know what to expect.</p>
<p>Ilovela- It’s the word LEGITIMATE (concerns) that I think is what we’re all working on. We all have different concerns. For some of us this is a no brainer, for others, perhaps it’s the most uncomfortable situation their child has ever been in.</p>
<p>I’m with the crowd that says a “public” place. Both my partner and I interview @ our practice office. My “S” had his Brown interview @ a Panera Bread and his Georgetown Interview @ the Alumnus Law Practice.</p>
<p>I’m surprised that the Alumni Org’s don’t suggest a quiet, public place. Safety 1st! And by the way - these interviews are not all that important in the scheme of Ivy Admissions. The Princeton’s motto is “To make sure their head is screwed on right” 1st and foremost.</p>
<p>re: post 124: ^Hey she’ll be fine. Just teach her a few moves. Like when I backpacked with another female classmate, both age 19 in France. A very adult, professional man we met in an acceptable social situation offered us both a ride to our next location. Based on our intuition, we accepted. While driving, I suddenly heard her scream, “Arretez la voiture!!” [stop the car] and she was beating on his shoulder with her fist. He squealed the car to the curb and we both jumped out the doors onto the sidewalk, pulling our backpacks with us. I had no idea why I was self-ejecting from that car. Dusting off the dust, in a completely unknown neighborhood now, I asked her why. Turns out the guy was able to both downshift his car and run his hand up her skirt at almost the same time! Wow. We weren’t hurt, and our parents will never know that story. Great stuff. Teach your D’s some counter-moves along with their common sense.</p>
<p>Sorry, can’t be bothered to read all 9 pages. But if you have to ask this question, you’re not ready to let your daughter go away to college. That’s my opinion, as a Harvard alumna interviewer of many years who always interviews kids at my home (except for the boarders whose schools I visit). I never worried about being assaulted by some of those 6’+ boys I let into my house. I’m a small woman, 50 years+. I figured I could handle things.</p>
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<p>Hello, I said upthread that Ivy League has nothing to do with it. It confers no special protection from creeps and jerks.</p>
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<p>You appear to have jumped the shark, so let me remind you. There is a RECORD – between the interviewer, the college, the student and presumably the student’s parents – that Susie Senior is going to meet with Mr. Bob Alumni at 4 pm at Mr. Alumni’s house at 400 Happy Street in Happytown. Mr. Bob Alumni doesn’t <em>need</em> the involvement of Fancy College to find victims, if he’s so inclined. He can hang around any high school or any mall. </p>
<p>Do you seriously think Mr. Bob Alumni is lying in wait with rope in the living room, cackling that he’ll never be found and the murder will never be solved?<br>
Or is it Professor Plum with the dagger in the lounge? Or Miss Scarlett with the pipe in the conservatory? Or Colonel Mustard with the revolver in the study? </p>
<p>Look, I understand that it would make people uncomfortable. It would probably make me uncomfortable, because it’s my daughter-who’s-my-princess and she should be surrounded by armed security guards wherever she goes as far as I’m concerned. But, I’d also have to swallow my concern and let her go. I had to let her go when she took a job at the mall and had to make her way through a dark parking lot to drive home at 9:30 pm. I had to let her go when she took a volunteer position in the nearest big city and she had to get on a train and use public transportation by herself. And I’d have to let her go to this, too.</p>
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<p>I agree with that completely. However, this thread began with the question "Should I allow my daughter . . . " And there has been post after post of parents talking about the conditions under which they would allow such a thing to happen. None of which sounds like any young person is being encouraged to trust her instincts, set her own boundaries, or speak her mind. In fact, it’s reasonably clear in context that the young women who have spoken their mind to their parents are being ignored. (I’ll exempt TwistedKiss from all of this this, since she is clearly a young person who does all three very successfully.)</p>
<p>Legitimate concerns, ILoveLA? </p>
<p>Some of us believe in statistics, not paranoid generalities. Where are the numbers of Ivy interview assaults versus campus date rape? If there had ever been ONE single incident during an Ivy interview in the last 35 years I guarantee you it would still be all over the internet.</p>
<p>Risk is: your children binge-drinking their freshman year, being alone in a dorm or frat room with a drunken insistent boy, driving on the interstate on the way to college, not an alumni interview. </p>
<p>It is math, not gothic fiction. Read the campus crime statistics at the colleges of choice.</p>
<p>From the original question, it’s clear that the parent who is concerned, and not the daughter. Perhaps the daughter is too, but the main worry seems with the parents.</p>
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<p>Yikes. I would not have been able to do my first couple jobs if that’s how I felt. As a reporter, I knocked on many doors of people I didn’t know, had interviews with many strangers in their homes. </p>
<p>In fact, as a canvasser last year in the election, I did the same. As did many kids – I ran into many high school students going door to door. </p>
<p>When I was growing up, my mother was constantly worried about me. She restricted my movements and was always convinced that I was going to get murdered, mugged or raped. Her constant worry made her a miserable person, and she made me miserable, too. I believe in not being foolish, being careful, etc. – but living your life in constant fear of strangers drains the joy out of doing everything.</p>
<p>JHS - I think it’s pretty hard to ascertain that by the use of one word.</p>
<p>The worst that’s happened to me in France was having my bottom pinched in a crowded metro. My brother’s advice is to pinch the guy back hard–make sure it’s the right guy, though. One man tried to accost me in a deserted metro corridor and to push me against the wall. Another time, I found that my bottom was being rubbed while on the escalator at the Galeries Lafayette. My older male relatives’ comments:“Wait until you are an old lady and no one wants to pinch you. You’ll feel sorry for yourself then.”
Unpleasant as these episodes were, none were life-threatening or traumatizing, though at the time, I was angry at my relatives for making such callous comments.</p>
<p>Point taken, JHS and Fauve. I should have read more carefully.
But this is the sentence that was bugging me.
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<p>And well she should be paranoid. He should be offended that paranoid America sees him as a shadowy potential molester instead of a positively-motivated Ivy alumni hoping to contribute to a young person’s academic future.</p>
<p>He may realize she and her family are not mature enough for her to adjust to a dynamic, diverse college community where she will often have to fend for herself in situations, whether academic, social, travel, or professional.</p>