<p>A student I know had an interview with an alum from a prestigious university set up for a local coffee shop. She feels she has done the correct thing, but as the interview progresses, the 30-something interviewer is clearly hitting on her. He fiddles with his cell phone and claims he just rcvd a text from his wife and she can’t drive him home, so he asks the 17-year-old student to drive him home. She is clearly uncomfortable about this and improvises that she has to meet her mother at a restaurant for dinner and will be late if she drives him home. He tells her point blank that her interview is tanking. She is torn between doing what she think is safe and risking a bad interview report, or driving this creep home. She opts to make a hasty exit.</p>
<p>Her mother called the head of admissions at prestigious university and he is appalled. The alumni interviewer is fired and the student received an offer to set up another interview. She also received a long letter of aplogy from the head of admissions.</p>
<p>What would have happened if she had agreed to drive him home? We’ll never know, but it is better to be safe than sorry. I think an alumni interview in their home is completely inappropriate. It puts the student at risk from unwanted advances and it puts the interviewer at risk from false accusations. OP - trust your gut. Meeting a complete stranger in a public place is risky enough, in my opinion.</p>
I feel that’s the core issue. It’s a power relationship. Adult:teen; Gatekeeper/Interviewer: eager applicant. </p>
<p>The girl doesn’t want to wreck her chances getting into the Ivy, so doesn’t feel free to express herself now about where the interview occurs.</p>
<p>The statistic needed here is: how many applicants who questioned the venue of the interview received low marks for their interview AND were denied admission, all based on a polite request in advance to change the venue of HER interview. Not every other person’s interview, just hers.</p>
<p>Based on some posters’ reactions here, such a request would not be met well. Rather it would stamp her as unready for college life. So unfair.</p>
<p>Pying3, and Marite…Hahahaha! I got pinched in France too. And I hear Japan is famous for men fondling women in their crowded trains (I was planning to take my D to Japan but she fell off a horse and ended up with a concussion and vertigo and we didn’t get to go). But that they INSTANTLY stop so long as you INSIST they stop. And…note to all - I’m NOT making light of this issue when it’s of import to you. I just have another level/way of looking at these things/getting through these things. </p>
<p>rockville…what WOULD have happened if she HAD driven him home? I’m not saying she should have, I’m glad she didn’t. But…seriously…would he yank the steering wheel and crash them, SHE is in control as the driver. I think at this age they SHOULD start knowing what feels right and wrong and it sounds like she did. </p>
<p>OR…could she have been erroneously concerned and THOUGHT he was “hitting on her”? I’m sure that’s not the case, but…she was involved in that one in a long-shot experience in which she felt uncomfortable and she handled it well. Some people WILL have less than stellar experiences. None of us want that to be our kid. But …it sounds like she did a great job.</p>
<p>By the way, did anyone notice that the bad part of this interview happened…at a coffee shop - not in a home?</p>
<p>I am guessing that Bay was kidding with his reasoning in post 97.
Most rapes are by acquaintences so it’s ok to see a stranger? Surely Bay is kidding.</p>
<p>Most rapes are by acquaintences because they have the most opportunity. Not because strangers are nicer people. </p>
<p>Most accidents are in the home, yet we don’t move out.
And if we did, we’d have a new home!</p>
<p>Why are so few here only looking at the liklihood of a male interviewer forcibly raping a prospective female student? Is that the only risk they see?
What about theft- and I mean of the student OR of the host could be accused.
And what about false allegations of theft, violence, sex acts, by either party?</p>
<p>a 10 yr old may have no suspicions of a stranger, but that doen’t mean it’s ok. The parent needs to teach and look out for the child until he makes his own decisions. The prospective college student isn’t 10, but at 17, surely cannot be considered “worldly”.
An interviewer who says female must come to his home to be interviewed in order to be able to attend the college is suspicious in my book, despite JHS disagreeing with that.</p>
<p>2 Questions to Fauve- what do you mean in your post 140 that the student “should have the irrational fear that everyone is out to get her”?(Paranoia) ? And that the interviewer should be offended that those with irrational fears of such plots see him as a potential monster?</p>
<p>I wasn’t bashing France in particular. I meant only to say that every young woman needs to know some counter-moves. Parents are NAIVE to send young women off to travel or college without them. It’s not a matter of trust but of preparedness for the unusual. </p>
<p>I think of life as a big game of chess. I neither trust nor distrust the other players on the board. I just need to know what to do when one of them makes a surprise move, whether in France or a dorm room. That’s all I meant there.</p>
<p>Based on the fact that some parents here are <em>proud</em> of the fact that their DD’s and DS’s do NOT tell them everything, how do we know how many young ladies or young men have been made uncomfortable by their alumni interviewers? We don’t.</p>
<p>As others have said, it’s all about the age and power differential.</p>
<p>And a young male can feel just as “uncomfortable” by a man making a pass or otherwise acting inappropriately, as a young woman, let’s remember.</p>
<p>“Complete stranger” – the interviewer is well-known to the college admissions office, and can easily be found should the scary events boiling in the over-active imaginations of these parents ever occur.</p>
<p>Why is it unfair to weed out those students who are afraid of adults, lack the courage to enter into an interview with trust in the human race, and cannot differentiate between a true risk and an inconveniance? </p>
<p>There is a time for parents to guide their 18 year olds out of the Stranger Danger world of a seven year old and into Reality. It is not always about the comfort of our college bound kids, but their learning to function in a world of adult professionals. What do you think they will meet up with in their first (away from home) summer internship: alone in offices, labs, homes with politicians, bosses, co-workers of a different generation. They need to learn coping skills now, for any chance at self-confident growth. </p>
<p>Give your daughters some credit- they are smarter and stronger than you believe.</p>
<p>I noticed it, r124. I see how it worked out. The student was easily able to make a safe choice. Your observation makes a good point.
The interviewer may or may not have been up to no good, but in that location, he did not have the opportunity to “misbehave” beyond being rude. The same would not have been true in his home had he been up to no good.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose husband does alum interviews and often does them at his house. One or two other folks have mentioned doing them at home as well. I think it is fairly common.</p>
<p>Younghoss- my statement was in regard to the previous post, #139, where the poster stated the student was afraid her interviewer would be offended at the request for a change of venue. I think the interviewer could, indeed, be offended at being seen as a danger, instead of a supporter of the girl’s admissons process.</p>
<p>I agree Oldfort–just lock them up, for life. Much easier than all this global galavanting. ;)</p>
<p>My D had several interviews in the interviewers’ homes - I waited in the car outside. She also did a couple in public places and much preferred the quieter and more relaxed atmosphere of the home.</p>
<p>I have got to think I am more “worldly” than any 17 yr old girl. Yet, I have explained when I do tenant interviews with a single female, I bring another adult.
I feel I could beat up most any 17 yr old girl, if she physically attacked me. </p>
<p>Yet Fauve says: “Why is it unfair to weed out those students who are afraid of adults, lack the courage to enter into an interview with trust in the human race, and cannot differentiate between a true risk and an inconveniance?”</p>
<p>Does fauve consider me even worse than the student, as he hints that I am “afraid of adults…” I’m not scared of an interview. I am worldly enough to know if just 1 out of a thousand tenant interviews raises false allegations, then my business is ruined despite the legal outcome. And who would know if that 1 out of a thousand would be the 997th person or the 6th? The wise choice for me is not to go in blindfolded, but to be prepared to avoid negative consequences.</p>
<p>You know, kids are growing by leaps and bounds emotionally and psychologically at the age we are referring to. My S is a completely different person this January than he was last January when his private home interview took place. At that time he was a beginning second semester high school student. That left nine months before he would even leave for college. That’s a long time in a kid’s life. Parents of seventeen year old high school seniors still have an obligation to watch over them a little, imo.</p>
<p>Clearly the vetted alum is not dangerous or afraid, so that’s not the issue here; the issue is the parent (and perhaps the daughter) being comfortable. If the daughter is uncomfortable, she’s not ready for college. The parent doesn’t want to jeopardize the Ivy admittance, so must figure out how to get comfortable. Perhaps going to the door and saying hello will help; the parent might even be invited in to chat with the spouse during the interview. :)</p>
<p>younghoss…I wholeheartedly consider my (now 18) year old as or MORE “wordly” than most older adults I know. OK, not you. But most that I know. </p>
<p>She’s been raised without a father. She made the decision to change from her “whitebread” school to one that serves THE lowest as well as THE highest income levels in our state. She got her license and commuted up to 2-3 hours a day to do that. She’s been traveling since she was 3, given her leftovers to homeless in NYC and negotiated the Paris Metro better than I ever could. She craves adventure, but it smart enough to know when a situation isn’t “right”. Does that mean nothing can ever happen to her? No. It doesn’t. And I weep for that fact because, like the rest of you, I feel she is the still point of the turning world. BUT…I TEACH her, then let her fly. Speaking of that…I see the cessna reference below. My D attended long summer camps at a school that also teaches kids to fly (that wasn’t her specialty though)…they have their pilot’s license in 2 summers! One year she was there, a young instructor and his student went into the lake and died. It was horrible, and tragic. BUT…that IS what happens sometimes. No one was bad, no one did anything WRONG, per se. </p>
<p>I see what you’re saying about “tenant” interviews…but I think these interviews are still one more nudge toward safety than that situation. This person’s contact information is known to the college. I again state that I think the interviewER is the one taking more risk. </p>
<p>And I (sort of) disagree that the situation would have been different if the coffee-shop-gone-bad interview was in the home. This kid had savvy. MY kid would have stood up and said “Well, thank you very much for your time but I need to go now”. And…the bottom line we keep coming back to is that making these decisions is a matter of playing the odds.</p>
<p>And the odds are GREAT that a college interview is pretty innocuous. But if the student FEELS like it isn’t, then they should take action. If that doesn’t work…then…yes…it’s an unspeakable situation…but one that could have also happened when you stepped off the campus bus and walked the 2 blocks to your dorm (or your job, car, shopping mall, etc etc.)</p>
<p>Man. I was flying solo in a Cessna and leading mountaineering trips when I was 16. In the newspaper, there’s a young girl sailing around the world solo. There are kids on here doing research in labs with adults, working late nights while still in high school. Kids of 18 are going overseas to serve in combat zones.</p>
<p>Your kids are at school all day being taught by adults and I think history has shown that just because they’re schoolteachers doesn’t mean they’re safe.</p>
<p>I would think a vetted alumni interviewer would be one of the safer situations for a kid to be in. Of course being safe and being comfortable may mean different things, and maybe the young lady has a reason for feeling uncomfortable. This might require investigation.
But you aren’t going to be able to avoid such encounters for much longer.</p>