<p>EMM1 makes a correct point - your daughter is not competing against this other girl for a slot. If the other girl gets in, it will be for a slot reserved for an athlete in that particular sport. If this other girl doesn’t get this slot, another player of the same sport would. Therefore the “competition” thing is not there.</p>
<p>I think your daughter is a little impatient for karma to come around (as are many young people). </p>
<p>And if she really did have the goods on this girl (so far all I hear is hear-say), perhaps a newspaper article where this girls possible involvement was mentioned, I still wouldn’t drop it on the school (let them do their own job). And if it bothers your daughter that such a low-life does get admitted to the school and accepts, then and only then might you send the admissions office the physical evidence, and then do it anonomously and without any commentary. If they truly didn’t have that information (withheld by applicant or school), they will appreciate it and act accordingly. If they did have it and decided to give this girl a chance, it is their decision that the girl deserves a chance - not yours.</p>
<p>You also don’t know what the other school is going to say about this girl in its Secondary School Report. Don’t forget that her 9th grade guidance counselor still has to submit his/her recommendation! </p>
<p>And private schools are very protective of their reputations with top schools. </p>
<p>My guess is that there will be some karma given. She may get in anyway, but you’ll never know.</p>
<p>kjb, Try to be positively proactive, not negatively reactive. You daughter should ask her counselor (or the girl herself) if and where she is applying early. Then, she should consider applying early at one of the others.</p>
<p>Spend some time helping your daughter get enthusiastic about some colleges other than “very competitive ivy league schools.” It’s not only her nemesis that she’s competing with but thousands of other highly qualified kids. Focusing on one competitor is unrealistic and unhealthy. </p>
<p>She should definitely apply to the super-selectives, apply early if workable, but then she should forget about it. The chance of admission – even in the best of circumstances – is insanely low. Concentrate on buillding up her interest in her matches – and even her safeties.</p>
<p>I think your daughter has a chance to prove her integrity here. She should keep out of it. It is really none of her business what this girl did as a 9th grader. She was punished, and that’s the end of it. If someone gets in through athletics, that’s as legitimate a way as academics. Sports brings a lot of money to a college. There are multiple intelligences, and one of those is kinesthetic. It seems to me your daughter may be jealous. She needs to understand, at this point, they are not rivals with each other, but with the 20-40,000 others who will apply. there are a lot of lessons to learn here. A person of integrity learns to take her licks. There are no guarantees in life, or in this college admission process. One girl doesn’t deserve a spot at Princeton any more than any other. Life’s not fair. Ask Hillary Clinton.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter that the WORST thing she could do would be to draw attention to herself by disparaging another student. Admissions officers need to find reasons to reject qualified students, since they can’t accept then all, and she would be offering them a reason to reject her application on a sliver platter.</p>
This states my thoughts on the matter. The best thing you could do for your daughter - if it is possible - is to find ways to divert her from focusing too intently on ANY one school, or even any handful of schools… if they are all in the highly selective category.</p>
<p>Her focus should be on:
finding a range of schools (range in selectivity that is) where she could be happy
enjoying her senior year
presenting her best self in each of her applications with absolutely zero concern about how others are presenting themselves
(most important) Realizing that there are probably 50-100 schools in this country, if not more, where she could be stupendously happy. Just as happy as at her “top” choice.</p>
<p>The other girl? She’s not part of the picture.</p>
<p>Each applicant has to be judged on their own merits. I understand that it can be frustrating at times. Your child should just do all that she can to put her best foot forward. Get great teacher recomendations and work with counseling. Everything else shakes out and it will either wrk itself out or it won’t …you have to accept that there may be little you can actually do. If you are a good student you will likely get into a good school. It may not be the one you want, but there are never any guarentees in life you dl get into the school you want anyway. Here your child is competing against one applicnt that may be taking advantage. Competitive schools get thousands of apps and how many kids who are also trying to get in have in same way done the same thing? While admissions do compare kids from the same school they also compare other kids and other schools. You still coul dloose out to anyone else…that is life</p>
<p>This may sound harsh, but I think what your daughter wants to do is self serving. Would she tell on this girl if she wasn’t applying to the same schools as she is?</p>
<p>Many parents and kids feel the pain and unfairness of how some athletes could be admitted to some top tier schools with much lower stats, and kids with similar type of dedication to art, music or dance wouldn’t get similar type of treatment. My daughter definitely felt it being a dancer, but I don’t think it would change the route she took. I think your daughter probably feels the same way - she wouldn’t give up her honesty, integrity or her passion just to try to get into an Ivy.</p>
<p>I think this is a perfect opportunity for you to seriously address the negative aspects of your daughter’s self-righteousness.</p>
<p>All of us have little character flaws, so I am not criticizing your D.</p>
<p>Stress brings them out, and soon she will be out of the next. I would seize the opportunity with both hands and tell your D that this is just not something that people do, that it is not her place to do this, and that the Universe will see that she ends up at the right place for her.</p>
<p>It’s very difficult to believe this when the process is so grueling and capricious, but this approach helps to take a longer view.</p>
<p>My D was wait listed at her matches and on tinterhooks. She had been deferred from her reach/favorite, but the final verdict had not arrived. I told her, difficult as it was, she had to have some faith. (I am not religious, so I am not speaking of religious faith, but faith in process.) That day I noticed the first blooming bulbs of Spring and the acceptance to her reach college was in the mailbox.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter not to panic. There are many wonderful schools and she will undoubtedly end up at one of them.</p>
<p>And this other young girl may have learned from her mistake and make a good candidate.</p>
<p>You’re getting pretty good advice here. There’s nothing but a large potential regret here. Frankly, the more the idea of informing is discussed, the more likely it is that it will get back to the target, and if she’s not admitted, someone will inform her that it might be because of something your daughter might have done. </p>
<p>I had a parent call my child about an incident at school some years back in which my child behaved immaturely and created some distress for another child. The father called my child and made a mild threat about saying something to the admissions office at the school where my child had applied early. He shouldn’t have done that. I won’t ever forget that it occured to him, and if I ever get a chance to withhold the benefit of the doubt from this fellow, I won’t hesitate. He doesn’t know that though, and I probably won’t get that chance.</p>
<p>Its not going to be easy for you, it sounds, but I would throw a giant bucket of cold water on this idea and subject of discussion. You have no upside and lots of downside.</p>
<p>From an emotional point of view, it’s really understandable that you D looks at the other girl as her competition. There is so much anxiety around college admissions, and there’s no one to be mad at, or to plead to, or anything… There’s no face to the anxiety in most cases. Well, your daughter has a face, and it’s this other girl. It serves as a locus for her insecurities and frustrations, but everyone here is right… it’s not about the other girl, because it’s not as though if the other girl didn’t exist your D would get the place reserved for someone at her high school. There is no place reserved.</p>
<p>But just pretending there was… if the this school your daughter loves so much would look at those two applications and choose the girl with lower stats, but athletic skills over your D, is it really the school for her? The 9th grade scandal is petty and ancient history. It’s like trying to find something with which to hobble the girl, kind of a Tonya Harding move. Don’t go there.</p>
<p>About a gazillion kids are not going to get into their first choice schools. Some will. Unfortunately our lack of control over the process sends us looking for illusions of control. In this case, it’s horribly misplaced, but if your D decides to act on this there will be a lesson for her, and maybe it’s one she just has to learn.</p>
<p>karma tends to be a concept too far off in the future for most teens, but you could point out that many students who have committed academic dishonesty in high school continue the tradition in college, where they inevitably get caught & face significant ramifications. This is true, for example, at a fairly well known public U which tends to admit students who have a pattern of high school cheating (sharing tests among themselves rather liberally). By the time they get to the U, the behavior is habitual, & they seem unable to part with the crutch. Inevitably they are called on it & disciplined. I know this because I have a close colleague who regularly sees these cheaters as part of her job. </p>
<p>You could point out that your D will not be likely to have such a problem, given that she relies on her superior smarts, which will advantage her in any college she attends, be that the same or a diff. college than her competitor.</p>
<p>It’s a minor point – not as good as the other broader points on the thread, with which I also agree.</p>
<p>Here’s a radical idea: why doesn’t your daughter call this girl, and get together with her and they can help each other with their applications. After all, they might BOTH get in, and then they would have a friend rather than an uneasy competitor at the same school.</p>
<p>Could happen. Or they might actually grow to like each other, in which case they might even be able to be happy for the other when only one gets in.</p>
<p>Or, most likely: neither will get in. In that case, it would be nice to have a friend who understands.</p>
<p>It’s not an either/or kind of thing. It’s not like they’re going to take one - and only one- kid from your schools. There are THOUSANDS of kids applying for spots, and in the Ivy’s only 10% will be accepted. If your D ratted this other girl out, then she’s still competing with 98 other kids for 10 spots, statistically.</p>
<p>If your daughter won’t listen to you, have her read this thread and the “Parents Who Rat Out “Competitor” Applicants” thread. This is EXACTLY the situation described there.</p>
<p>Your D needs to stop worrying about everyone else and focus on making herself the best applicant she can be. And on finding some TRUE safeties.</p>
<p>Great advice and anecdotes from CC. Our D was also deferred by her EA school. After the initial disappointment, she spent the next few days talking to us and her GC to tweak her list of colleges…replacing 3–sight unseen-- and proceeded to update her application and add another letter of rec to the EA school. Come April, she was admitted to her the 3 “new” colleges…and also to the school that deferred her! After a quick trip back east with her father, it came down to 2. She ended up turning down what was her first choice…and, from the get go, has been absolutely thrilled with her decision! You just never know…things happen for a reason.</p>
<p>don’t even think about ratting this girl out…let the school officials worry about ethical issues and that student..that is their job, to answer questions that reveal history etc. She has consequences, she has her own forms to fill out, and her own past to explain.
Do get seriously interested in match schools so that if you are waitlisted at this Reach college…your child is prepared. Our son did not get in his first choice and yes he was fully qualified compared to those who did get in, and he simply was disappointed with no explanation. He knew the numbers when he applied but it was still somehow a surprise to him to not get in..he was only 18 and magical thinking is still in place. He got into another reach college, and yes, a better qualified classmate (great kid) did not…so get seriously ready for caring about your College Match Options..and modeling respecting each of her colleges. That is the biggest favor you can do for your daughter. It is almost like if you focus on the red herring not your concern…issue of this girl and what you think she deserves, you don’t have to face the utter randomness of who gets in this college, and how unfair and arbitrary selection can be. </p>
<p>Help your daughter deal with ambivalence and mixed feelings and steer her from believing that logic rules in college admissions at that level. Life is often murky so teach her she has control only of herself and she can only Run Her Own Race.</p>
<p>As I add my name to the list of parents who say don’t let your daughter do it---- I do want to say I understand your frustration as my child has experienced a similar situation where the school had covered up stuff for a top student who was also applying to same schools. Take a deep breath, having been through this process with my D last year, applying to college is stressful, even more so when the dream school has a less than 9% acceptance rate. Have your daughter focus all her energy on submitting the best application and essay she can. In the end you need to have faith that she will end up where she was supposed to be (not neccesarily where she thinks it is right now!). It hard to accept unfairness but it is part of life, I believe that any negative energy wasted on dwelling on the other girl will only detract from your daughters case and its not good for her health either! Several people keep talking about Karma for the other girl but think about the Karma (or whatever you choose to call it)for your daughter if she did in fact try to destroy the other girls chances out of jealousy and sense of self rightousness. In the end she will only end up hurting herself and not feeling too good about it in the end. Good luck.</p>