<p>together?</p>
<p>I ask this because I have a relative at Stanford. I also have a friend with a kid that goes to one of the better private high schools in the US.</p>
<p>In both cases, these students are hanging out with kids in the same social class. </p>
<p>There are many upper class kids at these schools, but in both cases these two students are not mingling with them. </p>
<p>Experiences?</p>
<p>Do the students you are inquiring about have the confidence to socialize with students of a higher social=higher economic group? I know where I am in school we have a group and it is kids of all sorts....we pick places to go out to that everyone can afford and the greatest comment thus far.....3 years into it are some comments and opinions regarding financial aid.....it showed the lack of experience of some of the more well of and conservative kids in the mix.</p>
<p>Yes. They do have the confidence.</p>
<p>D attends Reed- where some students are on finaid but many are not.
Her friends are mostly white middle class- but Reed is mostly white middle class although there are some significant exceptions.
She attended private prep schools K-12 with students of priviledged backgrounds- where she was the diversity, so she is fairly comfortable with going outside of her "class". However both Reed and her K-12 schools were so small that if you limited yourself to your "class" you would have a very small social group.
Reed has selfselected students and she hasn't had a problem with feeling uncomfortable because some kids don't need workstudy etc .
Freshman year she did have some moments for instance when a friend invited her to come across the country for winter break & when she said she didn't have the money he said" ask your parents"!
Students don't seem to spend a lot of money- even those who are at school on trust funds are on a budget.
I know some schools there is a wider variation, I hear stories about schools where girls have a different designer bag for each day of the week, or where students have expensive cars and take expensive trips on breaks, and students who aren't able to afford that, may feel like they should be able to. BUt at D school, that isn't the focus and the way students dress and vacation are generally indistinquishable from each other.</p>
<p>Values vary. I have a friend who lives in a condo worth millions, drives a Porsche and yet we socialize. I know girls who have expensive shoes and bags but we can still go to lunch or a party. It is soooo variable. I have a friend who visits me...wherever I am living.....she has a private yacht, own jet, houses in various places and yet she comes to visit me and we spend the weekend together....no problem.</p>
<p>I saw a video that played on PBS called "Social Class in America". Maybe somebody has seen it?</p>
<p>The classes did very little mingling. Then I talked to a friend of mine who is sending his kid to a provate high school and he said he sees very little mingling. The rich kids date rich kids. Some of the parties are exclusively for rich kids.</p>
<p>So I am curious and would like to read about other people's experiences.</p>
<p>Hazmat, so you feel very comfortable. Is that because you have spent many years in private schools?</p>
<p>I think it varies from student to student and place to place. My own personal experience is 35 years ago. I do know that the latest diversity report from my alma mater has very poignant stories about minority students not mixing with others. They are not nearly as involved in athletics (which is very big there), or the general social life, or even in writing theses. It is an issue the college is wrestling with.</p>
<p>My own experience was mixed. I came from a public magnet school in NYC with students mostly from poor or lower middle class backgrounds. I roomed with a very wealthy, racist (and probably anti-Semitic) roommate my first year. I spent the next three years with two other financial aid/workstudy students, and we were very "comfortable", and often felt keenly the class divisions there. However, for me, the experience of upper class students who had a wider (or at least different) view of the world, of other places and continents and possibilities - the feeling of confidence that they could go out and do ANYTHING rubbed off on me quite a bit. Of course, I had to do it all without any money - but the reality is I did! I kept none of my upper class connections. But the school did give me a great feeling of confidence that I could go out and conquer the world - in my own way - and for that I am forever grateful. So, even though the school was really not a great fit for me, in retrospect it worked in wonderful ways I could not have foreseen at the time.</p>
<p>Many wealthy Southeast Asians and Middle Easterners mix but don't trust very many ANGLO kids.....I have seen some of that. I have had no problem in this regard but did live amongst some of it and saw that many times it is just reaching out and learning. The money is not a part of much of this. At my HS however....well many URMs ate together and did not want to mix. Money had nothing to do with this either.</p>
<p>Mini, is your daughter connecting with any very wealthy kids at Smith?</p>
<p>She is, through music. (If you knew my d., though, you'd guess that she never notices. She did tell me a funny story, related by a friend of hers, about a group of upper class students sitting together in one of the dining rooms, talking about their nose jobs, tummy tucks, and other cosmetic surgeries, and comparing notes about same. But where she goes there is so much more diversity than at my alma mater, it is hardly worthy of comparison. Where I went, today 73% of white students receive no financial aid whatsoever, which is amazing to me given the pricetag closing in on $200k. But what she is mainly conscious of these days is the contrast between ALL social classes at school and the Dalit class ('untouchables') that she works with in India. The folks she works with receive a salary of 2,000 rupies a month - roughly $48 - and they are extremely grateful to have the work at all, and never leave if they can help it. The landless laborers they work with are lucky when they are getting a dollar a day, and that's only during the planting/harvest season.)</p>
<p>If you want, you can call me some evening - there's the number on my website - and we can kibbitz about this privately; it's a great subject.</p>
<p>To dstark....well I would say it is more that I recognize that much of wealth comes from access to good education and access to opportunity. I also recognize that many times wealth skips a generation....some folks are lucky, some work hard and some are born to wealth. Wealth itself is not the whole issue as you are inquiring about social experience. Profligate spending does not always indicate wealth.....I am certain I know folks who don't reveal their wealth. I find that the comfort comes from understanding that all poor folks are not nice just as all wealthy folks are not nice. Much of the college experience is the coming together of folks who have a desire to learn. I think it depends how one looks at wealth. Comfort comes from within....a self value.</p>
<p>Mini, great story. Do you think, when your daughter graduates, she will be very good friends with some of these upper class students? Or is it more of a sharing of a common interest and everyone will go their separate ways in the end?</p>
<p>If there are wealthy kids at MIT we have yet to meet them or hear of them. Everyone seems to live a comparable lifestyle; if there are kids who don't need to work, nobody seems aware of them.</p>
<p>We know kids at HYP; some on very significant aid, who have close friends who are very wealthy. Doesn't seem to be problematic; I don't know how many of those friendships will go beyond college, but right now, they seem very tight.</p>
<p>My only observation from my own days (the 1970's) is that middle class kids today seem much more indulged than when we were in HS/college. I attended college with a lot of rich kids-- I didn't know anyone who owned a car until senior year. In my neighborhood-- decidedly middle class-- it seems a given that even before you figure out how to pay for college, your busy paying for your kids car to take to college. My kids are anomolies around here that we are happy to let them take public transportation both at home and at college. </p>
<p>Parents today seem more comfortable taking out a home equity loan for vacations, to finance "stuff"-- so even moderate income kids at college probably have the accoutrements of wealth, at least as far as appearances go.</p>
<p>We live in the most affluent town in our state. But because it is a small state and a rural state, the town is not homogeneous the way affluent suburbs are in major metro areas. Thus, we have jillion dollar oceanfront homes as well as post-war returning-GI-type cape cod homes (very modest). Probably about equal numbers of each of these, and then everything in between. We are in-betweeners ;).</p>
<p>There is only one elementary, one middle and one high school in the town. Private schools exist in nearby cities/towns but are little used. So all the town's socio-economic classes are in one pot. Children of telephone linesman, lobsterman, carpenter alongside kids of lawyer/doctor/businessman group. I have always been thrilled at the complete oblivion on the part of the kids as to who are the haves and who are the have-nots. Now, by the time they get to high school, they've got that figured out. But they continue to socialize irrespective of these differences. Mostly the social groups revolve around knowing each other in class (so there <em>are</em> some distinctions based on academic level, but not case-hardened), ECs, sports, personality matches etc.</p>
<p>What I don't know is the "why." Is it a culture that has grown up in the town? Besides being an oceanfront town, the origins are as a farming and fishing village and the remaining working farmers, from long-standing families (think 18th century), are as revered as any moguls who might happen to be here.</p>
<p>Another hypothesis is that the prevailing culture throughout this state (and a couple of others) is Yankee frugality. Thus, while kids may care about a fashion look that fits in, you don't see the truly expensive brands all over the place. Doubt if anyone here has heard of Manolo, Jimmy Choo etc. When they start getting cars to drive, it's usually the family pick-up or hand-me-down sedan. Rarely does a 16-year old receive a shiny new car as you see in places we've lived before (California, Boston area, DC area). Maybe this "cheap" ethos damps down the class distinctions, I don't know.</p>
<p>When S enters college in the fall, I have no idea what he will encounter, but I know it will be nothing like this.</p>
<p>Hazmat, that is what I am trying to find out. Does the college experience really bring kids from different social classes together?</p>
<p>I think yes. The cost of college are so well beyond the average family income that the answer has to be yes. It is one thing to have a family pay for their student but in many instances the family pays for 6 or more by donating funds toward scholarship. I think that by virtue of the economics.....yes. You have every class composed of greater and lesser financial needs. The schools with large endowments can pay all of any student's need and they can afford large percentages of students with some financial need. They will also have the students of development contributors and thus you get both ends of the economic spectrum and also the middle. I cannot speak so much for a state school. One funny story though.....last year....girl.....moved into dorm by Bellboy in cute little uniform from the Four Seasons.....way too much stuff....lots of rolling carts...very funny site. Much twittering. I thought she was brave to even live in the dorm.....she could have purchased a city condo I suppose.</p>
<p>My daughter is at Dartmouth and I must say that yes, it does. It really depends upon the student. My daughter has always attended schools that had kids from all races and income levels so the thought of someone having $ or not having $ did not intimidate her. Most of her friends who are very wealthy do not flaunt their wealth so no one seems put off by it.</p>
<p>jmmom, you live in a very interesting town.</p>
<p>I live in a town where most people are upper middle class and a few percent are upper class ( I don't know these people :) ). I got into a discussion with a professor who said that most people in my community send their kids to private schools. I said, "No Way. The public schools in my community are great. I live here. You don't know what you are talking about." Then I went home and a friend went through her yearbook and said "The professor is right. Most kids go to private schools." I thought, "Wow". A great public school education isn't good enough for these people. They have to have an exclusive education.</p>
<p>your local schools are so great because folks pay the education tax and opt out of the system. This would certainly allow those using the public to have great resources. I say, good for you.</p>