<p>Parents can and do pay for college but if they don’t…what’s most important is that they encourage their kids and support them in any way they can. They should help by being involved and present and making sure their kids know they’re there for them. They should contribute financially in any way they can…including helping fill out forms for loans, etc. Their message should be that education is a priority and regardless of their means, they can still be informed and interested and participative and helpful! It’s totally ok for parents to make sacrifices for education.</p>
<p>“WOW. Deferring the blame, much (not saying the blame should be wholly on you or your son, but blaming the tier of school…wow!)? As someone who chose to attend a tier 3 state school, primarily for merit aid, and has “blossomed” as a researcher and person while here… just wow.”</p>
<p>Certainly S should have bothered to go to class, etc. at his college. However, up to that point in his life, S had taken pride in completing anything academically that he set his mind to do. For instance, even though he despised the IB program that he had chosen for high school, he refused to leave that program for his zoned school, which was an excellent school. S said, “I’m not a quitter,” and obtained the IB diploma.</p>
<p>At his college, for the first time, he was surrounded by students who were into partying and using college as a way to avoid the responsibilities of being an adult, not as a way of learning. I met some of those students because S wanted H and I to help them with career advice, and I was surprised that students who were several years older than S (S had skipped a grade, and hung out in college with students who were about 4-5 years older than he was) were bragging about how they had stretched out their college years to avoid entering the workforce.</p>
<p>I don’t think that S would have encountered so many of such students at a top 25 college, and I also think that the work would have been more demanding, good grades would have been more treasured by his peers, and with his competitive nature he would have refused to have flunked out. At the 2nd tier college that he went to, the graduation rate was about 60%. At the first tier colleges that he turned down, the graduation rate was much higher, and I don’t think that S would have wanted to have stood out at such a college by being a failure. </p>
<p>S was immature and decided that based on his college classes and college friends that it was a waste of time to go to college. I don’t think that he would have concluded that if he had been in a college where students took more pride in their academics, and the coursework stretched his mind more. </p>
<p>S isn’t anti intellectual. He has always read widely and deeply on his own. He just saw no reason to go to college if he could learn the same things on his own. </p>
<p>As for your tier 3 college experience, certainly it’s possible for students to blossom at lower tier colleges particularly if they stand out as being bright and highly motivated. Such schools, however, may not be inspirational for bright students who’ve always underperformed.</p>
<p>My parents are not financing my college education. They both have college degrees and paid for them with their own earnings. I understand their mentality, that loans for college will be paid back with my higher paying salary due to the degree, but it just doesn’t work within the current system. They have the ability to contribute their EFC, but won’t. They have no problem buying me clothes, dorm supplies, paying the cell phone bill, or offering me room/board if I choose community college (like my other siblings) but when it comes to sending a check to the university they refuse.</p>
<p>Thankfully, I have earned a scholarship that covers all my expenses save for my smaller EFC and if I work hard enough throughout the summer and school year I should be able to graduate with little or no debt. I would still attend a university if I didn’t have the scholarship because that amount could be taken out in subsidized loans, which I would be able to pay back steadily with a full time job after graduation. However, if my EFC was doubled or tripled I would be sinking in unsubsidized loans with no way to pay more than a few thousand a year on them with a low-wage part-time job. I could still do it, but I probably would just chose community college if it came down to it.</p>
<p>Parents that have the mentality of “Oh, I CAN pay for my child’s education, but since I put MYSELF through school, he/she can do it too.”</p>
<p>Erm… um… wrong! For one, your high income is preventing them from getting need-based aid (which is much less difficult to receive than merit-based aid). Two, the pell grant and other government aid has not grown at nearly the rate that tuition has risen. When my parents were in college, the pell grant covered 3/4 of their tuition. Now, my Pell wouldn’t even put me through a year of community college, and it is about 1/5 of my tuition right now (and yes, I go to a state school). Three, it is very, very difficult for college students to get jobs right now. I could go on, but I’m tired. </p>
<p>Should parents pick up the whole tab? No, absolutely not! The kid can take on some debt like the parent did. However, parents that have the means to help their kids and refuse to, without extenuating circumstances, are just flat out selfish in my opinion.</p>
<p>Not all parents are in the position of being able to contribute to their children’s college education</p>
<p>I count myself as fortunate that we were able to pay for 4 years of college for each of our children. My expectations: pay it forward! to their children (or their nieces and nephews if they do not have children of their own). Without debt, my children have been able to devote themselves to careers that contribute to the public good, but that are relatively low paying (yet sufficient to support themselves without our help).</p>
<p>My parents have paid my tuition, and I must cover room/board, books, and living expenses while there through a combination of past personal savings + work + scholarships + loans. We didn’t qualify for financial aid, no merit is offered, and it’s private school cost.</p>
<p>I turned down a significant merit scholarship at a good private and my in state public flagship. My parents let me decide where I wanted to go without any financial barrier, and it hurt me to see them come up with the tuition for the school I chose. I think now that I have seen how difficult it was for them (and even selfish of me to ask for it) I probably would’ve chosen one of the schools i received merit at. What they did for me was more than I could ever ask for.</p>
<p>honestly if your parents had no plans to pay for your education or even contribute to it then they had no business having kids. that’s just ****ed up.</p>
<p>my parents are paying for mine and there’s no way i could ever make enough money to do it on my own but they know i’ll be essentially paying them back when i’m older (by taking care of them once i have a good job).</p>
<p>My parents couldn’t pay if they wanted to, but almost everyone I know has their entire EFC covered by their parents, and then some.</p>
<p>@Little_Duck: I think many kids have never learned the value of hard work. Not paying for any of your own tuition is a little “entitled”, IMO. To say that my parents were wrong in having kids because they don’t make a lot of money is a little…well, bigoted. On the other hand, if your parents make a good amount of money and refuse to even contribute, I would use the same words. I actually know a girl whose mother is very wealthy, but refuses to pay for her tuition. Her father (separated parents) is extremely (10-15K/year) poor, and supports her grandmother and brother as well. In short, she must state a 350K income on her FAFSA when she has never known a cent of that income. THAT is wrong; that is sick.</p>
<p>I think that if you take this thread as a basis for estimating the amount of parents that pay kids’ college costs, you will get a REALLY skewed result. Most people on here are clearly of a certain financial stature and the one overwhelming factor in whether or not college costs are paid is socioeconomic status.</p>
<p>Parents of a higher socioeconomic standing are much more likely to pay while parents of a lower socioeconomic standing are much less likely to pay. This is my experience.</p>
<p>Having myself gone to a community college for two years, I would say that most parents there are contributing little to no money for their kids to attend college. They may pay for housing and some food (although not even that is always a given or even an option for all kids), but beyond that it is not too unusual that they will not even pay the textbook or cell phone bill. Most community college students work to help foot the bill and have either a little spending money or save for a 4-year school. Some use their extra earnings to help support their parents and their family (money that they (feel they) will need to continue to contribute when they are at a 4-year).</p>
<p>The reason that parents do not pay are varied, but are usually a combination of lack of foresight, bad parenting, lack of money, sometimes a history of addiction or personality problems on the part of the parent, and the fact that many of these parents did not go to college themselves and have no idea (or interest in learning) of the incredible time and financial commitment (even at the community college level) that is involved.</p>
<p>It is unfortunate, but true. You’ll meet many people at your community college who are in the same situation that you are in. Your EFC is not too high and if you make good grades and research which 4-years meet full need, you could still end up leaving college without having to take out an insane amount of debt.</p>
<p>Community college vary widely in the communities that they serve.</p>
<p>One community college nearby has a campus in an affluent suburb and another campus in a very low-income city. As you might expect, the students attending one campus are quite different from the students attending the other. The suburban campus has a somewhat more academic focus while the city campus has a somewhat more technical focus. There are no dorms on either campus but there is lots of private housing around the city campus (apartments) while the area around the suburban campus are expensive single-family homes. Basically students are expected to drive in - there is no public transportation either.</p>
<p>There are some affluent parents that use the sink-or-swim mode with their kids. This does provide an incentive for their kids to do well in high-school though I imagine that it could result in some pretty heated arguments or resentment when the kids become adults. At any rate, this is a pretty heated topic of discussion.</p>
<p>i’ve actually never met a kid who’s paying for their own college.
we’re lucky enough to have money to pay 50k/year for college, but i told my parents that i would pay them back every cent when i get older.
their response was “What??!?!?! What do you mean pay us back?” They actually took offense to it.</p>
<p>I know a kid who got into Harvard and couldn’t pay, he’s at the local CC right now. He had an EFC a little too high for his parents due to the equity on his home. It’s really sad, seeing that he would have made a great contribution to the school.</p>
<p>NSM,</p>
<p>My parents went to a “stone cold sober” school (according to Princeton Review at least) and found plenty of partying (they both did graduate–and aren’t <em>gasp</em> degenerates!–though my dad definitely took a long and winding path to do so). If your kid was inclined to party, trust me, he could have and would have found those kids anywhere.</p>
<p>I usually enjoy your posts, but your attitude here shocking, insulting, and really bizzare. Yes, some schools can be bad fits for certain kids, but blaming the school for your S’s choices about partying/not going to class (I’m assuming there’s plenty of kids who did go to class) is just… well, I have no words.</p>
<p>I think I live in an area where the view is minority. Here, parents pay for the college education where they can make an out of pocket contribution, but prior to CC, I had NEVER, EVER heard of a parent taking out a loan to pay for college. The parent is “responsible” for an out of pocket contribution, and then the student takes out the loans that are necessary to cover the rest of the cost. It seems bizarre to me - probably because I had never heard of it before - for the parent to actually take out a loan for the child’s education, but I guess I can see why that would happen.</p>
<p>Yeah, it is interesting how colleges expect that from their students as well; they count home equity at an equal level with cash assets. However, taking out a loan is obviously NOT the same as giving cash out, and it is much more difficult to pay off.</p>
<p>We pay for D college and other expenses and we are planning to helt her thru Med. School also. This is in appreciation for her hard work that resulted in full tuition Merit Scholarships (numerous to cover full tuition) based on her GPA=4.0uw, which she continue to have at college. If one knew that parents would not help paying, he/she should have worked harder to be eligible for Merit $$. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with Comm. College. I got my first degree at Comm. College, got my first professional job in my field at the worst economic time (much worse than currently), and my various emploers paid for my Bachelor and MBA. I worked full time, went to school (graduating with very high GPA) and had family, enjoying every aspect of my life. Either way will work if you set up your mind to work hard and not blame others for anything.</p>
<p>@MiamiDAP: Awesome, I wish more people knew the value of hard work.</p>
<p>Regarding 529 plans - they worked fine for us in terms of saving because we kept most of the money in fixed growth investments. The problem is the colleges just charge you more if you’ve saved in a 529. We basically handled the 529s the same as the 401Ks - kept close watch and invested very conservatively. So the money is there but if it wasn’t we’d probably be paying less . . .</p>
<p>First of all, I want to say that there are plenty of places you can go with a 3.1 GPA…and yes, I mean 4 year schools! I should know. My GPA was a 2.97 and I got accepted at 8/10 schools (waitlisted at 1 and rejected from 1). I even got some merit scholarships from a couple schools. Also, here in NY, CCs aren’t very different in tuition from most other state schools, so if you live near a 4 year, that would be a viable option as well.</p>
<p>And to answer your question:</p>
<p>My parents are paying. They paid for my 2 older brothers, and they’re paying for me and the rest of my siblings (there are 6 younger than me). I’m going to help out a little with scholarship money that I got from senior awards and with some money from work, but my parents are taking care of most of it. I have no FA (my parents said not to bother with the FAFSA because they make too much and I wouldn’t get any money), and we’re not doing loans. It’ll be a bit of a stretch for me to go to my school (and wouldn’t be possible had I not gotten the scholarship I did), but my parents are committed to sending all their kids to college.</p>
<p>I know people who have to pay for college themselves. I work with a girl who has a full time job AND a part time job and goes to school full time. She’s doing what she needs to do to get through school…I also know people who are going all on aid because their parents can’t pay as well as people who have a combination of these things to cover the expenses.</p>
<p>I consider myself extremely lucky to have parents who are able and willing to pay. As I said, merit money made my school of choice possible. I actually turned down a school with a larger scholarship (as well as lower tuition) and my parents, although not thrilled because it meant more money, supported that. My school of choice will cost around $17-18 grand/year. The school I probably would’ve picked otherwise would be around $13,000/year. That’s a huge difference, but since my parents paid like $15,000/year for each of my older brothers, and I’m a nursing major so there are tons of scholarships available, my school has a tuition assistance plan (they pay for your tuition for the 2 years of nursing if you work at the hospital for 3 years after you graduate), I’ve been working and saving money all summer, and I’m planning on working part time while in school, they thought it was alright.</p>