Is it mostly common to have your roomate as your best friend?
Depends. For me, no, but became roommates with later friends. For my son, one of his 4 first year roommates became a good friend. For D2, roommate became a very close friend. For D3, not so much; no enduring friendship with freshman roomie, and active hostility with a later one.
I’m in a triple right now, and I can definitely say that I have both ends of the “spectrum:” one roommate that I’m friendly with; we live well together but don’t necessarily talk that much, and another who is one of my best friends. I’d say it all depends on how your personalities play off of each other’s.
@thecolourist do you think it’s better to have a double or triple?
I’d say typically it does not happen. You are lucky if it does, but usually it doesn’t. Peaceful coexistence should be your first goal. I’d certainly prefer a double. Triples can be tight on space and privacy, and that adds stress to the relationships.
My son’s roommate dropped out in December because of homesickness, so no. Another pitfall to avoid is a 3 person dorm as one will always be left out–not fun. Your personality and agreeableness, along with some luck will be the main factors in a successful roommate situation.
My first choice freshman roommate’s mother had her moved to the all female dorm before she was even unpacked on day one. We were close friends throughout college and got to room together the next year. She was my maid of honor and I later traveled to attend her wedding.
The freshman substitute roommate and I fought all year. She was trying to make me move out of my room. I had never hated anyone so much. Funny thing was, I knew her by name from Jr. and Sr high at least but could not recall a single conversation. Decades later, I would listen to an apology, but would be fine to never see her, much less speak to her again.
Not likely. And sometimes when it seems like it might at the beginning it falls apart later. Don’t expect it to, but if it does it will be really cool and special.
Good friends, maybe, best friends, eh.
If not through a roomate, what is the most common way that you make friends in college?
@meimei29 i’d say a double, definitely. I didn’t request a triple, but luckily it worked out, since our room set up is amazing (we have a bathroom and a kitchen) and my roommates are great. But I understand that I got extremely lucky.
My D was in a triple last year. None of the girls became close friends outside of the room. BUT inside they got along great, respected one another, and had no issues. My D really has nothing negative to say about her freshmen roommate experience.
Regarding her 2 closest friends- one she met through a religious group and the other she met in a class. This year, she’s added friends through them and clubs.
I’d say it’s unlikely you’ll be best friends with your roommate. Your ideal goal is to find someone who respects your space and who is generally easy going. If you become best friends, great!
I met friends at orientation, in classes, in activities, and through high school friends at the same college.
Highly unlikely! But you will probably end up friendly with others in your dorm, people you meet in class, people you meet through activities (intramural sports, a club, helping with an event), and/or a job on campus. Say yes to doing things, and it’ll happen. But be realistic - you can be around people right away, but it takes time to establish real friendships.
My daughter and her roommate last year never spoke to each other after the 2nd month. They were decidedly not best friends. They just had nothing in common. In fact, I think it’s much better to not live with best friends, because you might inevitably get on each other’s nerves. IMO, the ideal roommate is someone you like, who has a similar lifestyle and level of cleanliness, but who isn’t your best friend.
Agree 100% with @Lindagaf. I would much rather room with someone with a similar sleep schedule to mine (which is super rare) who I never talk to, than a bff who keeps the whole room dirty or who I have to tip toe around for every morning.
Your goal with your college roommate should be them to be a relatively pleasant person to share a room with. If they become your friend, then great.
Some people make terrific roommates (considerate, pleasant) but it doesn’t go much beyond that. Some people are great friends and would make LOUSY roommates for you.
Things that will make or break a good roommate situation unless there is an enormous amount of empathy and respect on the part of all roomies:
- sleep schedule: early birds and night owls do not mix well
- work load: easier when you have similar studying/homework responsibilities. STEM majors resent non-STEM majors seemingly having a lot of free time on their hands. Non-STEM majors resent STEM majors insistence on needing the room quiet to study a lot, etc.
- "recreational activity" level: a non-partier and partier (drink/drugs/etc.) will have a very difficult time living with each other. The non-partier will resent the noise, mess, and general obnoxiousness from dealing with a roomie under the influence. The partier will feel cramped, badgered and judged.
- cleanliness/neatness: a neatnik will be driven to distraction by a slob. A slob will be resentful of being constantly nagged by a neatnik.
- SO's: deciding how to handle visits/overnights can get tricky.
My D’s freshman roommate experience was not particularly positive - noise, mess, hookups with SO’s taking over the room, a general lack of respect. D’s two besties (and current roomies) are friends she made on her dorm floor last year (also shared some classes with them, so, similar majors and work ethic). Your highest expectations should be to wind up with a person or persons you can live with relatively harmoniously - if friendships form out of that, jackpot.
My D did not speak to her roommate after the first month. At first they were actively hostile, and then agreed (via help from residential advisor) to ignore each other and share space without interacting. It was not as bad as you would think. Once D got used to it, it did not stress her out. A big issue was that her roommate kept kicking her out of their room to have sex with her boyfriend or sneaking him in the room after D went to sleep (grrrr). She got the residential advisor involved on that. D also learned to be tougher. At first D was like ‘Oh, I don’t want to be unfriendly and mean.’ Afterwards she was like ‘This is my room too. You agreed that your boyfriend would not stay in our room past 9pm.’ D might have been willing negotiate SO sleepovers, but roommate really stepped over the line early on, so D was not willing to negotiate on that afterwards. She held her ground. It was good for her in the end. This year she is with a friend from her frosh dorm who has compatible sleep and study habits. Much better rooming situation!
My older S had a disastrous freshman roommate, smoking weed in the room constantly and up all hours. Not workable. S got himself moved out of that room and into a single. He’s an adaptable guy, but not that adaptable.
D has a close friend at another university. At first she was best friends and inseparable with her freshman roommate. And then they ended up going separate ways and don’t really interact anymore. D’s friend moved into a two-room quad with friends from her sports team for sophomore year.