D20 does not want to give me log-in access for any college portals. Is it common for parents to have them? From the posts I read here it seems like everyone can see their kids’ portals. I’ve asked her to give me log-ons only for schools where she has already been accepted. I am not looking for new information that she doesn’t have. I just think there must be some useful info on there about committing eventually, about housing, orientation, general things.
D20 has found most of high school, and the whole college process, really stressful. She is an average stats applicant. She has done well with her applications, frankly better than I think she expected, and is now sitting on a bunch of EA acceptances. I think she’s quite nervous on the inside about which one is the best fit for her, and whether it will all work out OK. Normal stuff, though she tends to be a worrier in general.
She says if I want to see any portals she will log me in and I can look that way. But she stands over me and rushes me when I am just looking around on the sites. I don’t really know why she doesn’t want me to look at my leisure. Is there anything controversial or very personal on these portals?
D20 has a twin brother, S20. He’s more laid back and most of his applications are RD. He has two EA acceptances, and couldn’t care less if I look on the portals (different schools from hers). He thinks she’s just nervous and he can’t think of any other reason she wouldn’t want me to log on.
The same thing happened with Naviance originally. Our high school told kids to give their parents their passwords and S20 had no problem with it. D20 kicked and screamed and refused, with no explanation, and then one day just said “fine” and gave it to me ( I didn’t even need it at that point because I had access to the scattergrams via S20).
So I’m just wondering if the rest of you do or don’t look on your kids’ college portals? I feel like it might have useful info as we are trying to narrow down the choices.
I have access through my daughter’s laptop, where login information is saved. We did insist on a separate gmail account for all college activities - one we can monitor as well as her, because she doesn’t check her email as regularly as we would like. That works for us, since common app and most of the schools send emails when they update their portals, and we can then logon and check as needed.
I didn’t have access to D19’s portals, I expected her to manage/stay on top of things. Of course I was there if she ever had any questions, or wanted to discuss anything.
FWIW I didn’t have access to her Canvas account throughout HS either (the software where many teachers kept the grades/assignments, etc)
You know, it’s up to her but if she doesn’t give you access you can’t help, pay the bills, make sure everything is okay.
I didn’t have access while my kids were applying, but did after they were accepted to pay the bills. I also needed access come tax time for the 1098-Ts and for getting copies of the billed and paid amounts. Most schools have a ‘parent portal’ that you can set up with limited access for the financial things but which wouldn’t give you access to grades and emails to the students, etc. I never bother with that and just made my kids give me access through their portals. For one, the school made her change her password every 90 days or so so I had to ask her for that password a few times a year. The other had the same generic password for 5 years and I often went into her portal to see what classes she needed and how we could make it work to graduate on time. She knew I did this and wanted me to do it. Like yours, two kids the same age with very different needs for privacy.
I don’t think you need access yet. If she misses a deadline, she may not be able to go to that school. Her choice.
I did not have my D’s portal log ins. I didn’t feel it was necessary.
I did join the parents group for accepted students at my D’s first choice school.
Be prepared that once your daughter enrolls in a college, she’ll need to give you permission to see anything. Students need to sign a FERPA waiver to even have you pay the tuition bill.
For my D20 I have not asked for any of her Portal log ins. She is good about checking as needed, and has only occasionally needed prompting from me about a few things to check. I’m fine not having access. And if I do want to find something out, she logs in and we look for it together. Sometimes I’ll read something here and pass on the info to her for us to look at together - like when I saw that UCF had started to post merit and where to find it on the Portal, we looked for that together.
For my S18 I had the log ins for all his Portals He’s the type of kid who I knew I couldn’t trust to check and see important things and I didn’t want to risk not seeing something crucial.
So, do I look or not look at my college application kid’s Portal? Depends on the kid!
I have access to my D but I insisted becasue she was applying to a few CSS profile schools so I wanted to make sure everything was submitted. To your other point, my D has been accepted to her Early Action schools now waiting for regular decision schools. She too is anxious about making the right choice. I told her to take a break from it all for the next few weeks till March announcements come out and then start reviewing the schools again.
I do not have it and to tell the truth I would love to have it. I have felt a little left out of the process because she is in prep school so I don’t get to look over her shoulder as she checks decisions. I have pretty much left it alone and when something is needed she does contact me. I actually received a message from one of her RD schools today requesting missing info. I forwarded it to her. I’m looking at this, I guess as another step towards cutting the apron strings. I do admit that I visit the websites of the schools quite frequently and locate information for accepted students such as dates for accepted students etc. I do request that she screenshot any acceptance or financial aid information and email a copy to me.
I think the quality of the counseling at their HS make a huge difference in how hands-on you need to be. If I hadn’t had access to Naviance and Common App, I wouldn’t have caught the fact that her GC hadn’t submitted her transcripts on time - and it took a significant amount of tooth pulling to get it done - 6 weeks after the first ones were due. We had requested them in writing a month before the first ones were due. She dropped the ball on submitting the school portion of a Special Scholarship through National Merit too - and then tried to blame DD. Can’t wait for this process to be over, and be done with administration at this school.
Not even a choice. If she needs all my financial info, I need all her school info.
I have all her passwords, or can figure them out if I need them…just like she has mine.
What is there to hide? She is good about most things, but can be forgetful at times when she gets busy…like every teen. We don’t micro manage, but definitely want to be part of the process, as it effects the entire family.
I too, look at all the college sites she is interested in and have even made a few suggestions she has taken…found a few things she missed. It’s what I’m good at, find the cool opportunities for her take advantage of.
My son did not give us access to his college portals prior to submission of applications, as he did not want us to read his essays-in-progress and to offer unwanted advice. Once the applications were submitted, he gave us the passwords and relied on me to keep track of the status of his applications. When the admission results arrived, I did not log in before he has had the first look. Now in college, he granted his parents privilege to view and pay his bills, but not to view his grades.
She shared the info but I was completely hands off on the whole process, from picking schools to apply to picking school to accept. She wanted me to read her essays before she submitted the applications, for my enjoyment, not for feedback. Honestly it would have been a lot easier for me had she ask for my help. I felt so helpless. At the beginning of the process I asked if she did this and that. She told me that she is on top of everything and that I needed to trust her to handle everything by herself. I backed off and just listened well whenever she decided to share. She got a few scholarships that she submitted on her own, didn’t tell me she applied. She got about 5k total.
It was fun to to receive one acceptance after another, though. Now she gives me full access to her college portal. I barely go in there. Hubby goes there to pay the bills. That’s it.
Yes, had complete access, I handled all the admin aspects (D19 had plenty to focus on with auditions). It worked well for us. Now that she’s in college I have no access (just for financial aid) and she handles everything on her own.
While my D19 was applying, I had both access to my parental Naviance account, and to her student account. It started when she was younger and less responsible, and I wanted to make sure that things moved forward.
However, once she was accepted and had committed, that was it. It was up to her to make sure that she kept up with the college’s requirements, etc. She is an adult, and it is her education. She shares her progress with us, and has offered to share grade reports so that we can help her monitor her own progress. We never got around to doing it, since there is no real reason to do so. I have access to the billing portal, and I make sure that I am on top of the payments, and that’s it.
As for the “I’m paying” argument, well, she secured a scholarship which pays about three times as much as I am paying for her education, so I guess that gives her the right to be the person who is mainly in control of her information.
PS. At her age I was in basic training for the military, and my wife had immigrated to a new country on her own, so we assume that she’s old enough to take care of her college education.
I have it all and keep track as well once he submitted the applications. If I didn’t, things would fall through the cracks as he’s too busy with school, work, audition prep etc to be a “portals checker” He said to me a while ago during the process, "Thanks Mom for being my portals checker. Don’t know what I would have done without you. " YES, I’m THAT mom that was uber involved in the process WITH my son… more than normal, I guess Even if he didn’t give me access, I’d have access cause he always uses the same password for EVERYTHING, which also happens to be MY password for everything.
Seriously, though, what’s there to hide? I honestly don’t see WHY she wouldn’t give you access . What’s there she doesn’t want you to see? I’m befuddled.
Yes, I have access because all links, logins, and passwords are kept in one place that we can both access. I have only used them on rare occasions to confirm dates, info received, or some other minor task. Once she matriculates I will have access to pay bills, pull a transcript to prove student status (dental and auto insurance requires), etc. That is what we have done with DS16 and it has worked well.
I have never had access to my kids college portals. When my son was applying I did sometimes make him sign in and then give me the computer so I could really make sure he wasn’t missing anything - he is a very laid back kind of kid, too laid back really. Now that they are both in college I have no access. We do have things set up so we can get and pay the bills but that’s it. I do make the kids show me their grades in their portal at the end of each semester.
During the investigate and apply phase, I’m somewhere with @MickeyEarwax and @BenniesMom1 . Total access to every portal, partly because I want to know what’s going on and make helpful suggestions, and partly because he has enough going on already and probably wouldn’t be diligent enough about making sure the portals/applications were kept up to date. He and I both email the schools. It’s worked out well.
After he’s enrolled and taking classes, I’m sure I’ll have (and want) a lot less access beyond what he shares with me. I want to be kept updated on grades, but there’s nothing else I need to know at that point, unless he wants to tell me. I’ll be happy to step down from Commander-In-Chief to Advisor-In-Chief.
OTOH, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way. Other families may be in a situation where the student does it all, or the parent does it all. Whatever works is good.
He said to me a while ago during the process, "Thanks Mom for being my portals checker. Don’t know what I would have done without you. " YES, I’m THAT mom that was uber involved in the process WITH my son… more than normal, I guess Even if he didn’t give me access, I’d have access cause he always uses the same password for EVERYTHING, which also happens to be MY password for everything.