Do you, as parents, request an 1:1 meeting with your kids' guidance counselor?

Parents Forum
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<p>We tried, unsuccessfully, to get a meeting with our HS’s college GC rather late in the process. I vividly recall friends of ours walking by us into her office as we tried for an appointment. And their kid was already accepted early to his first choice school. S had tried to get a meeting with her much earlier, and she told him she thought she knew him well enough. Turns out she didn’t. The system at the HS was that kids had a single GC until the end of jr year, then switched to this college GC. S’s GC for the first three years could not have been a better fit for him, and really “got” him. The college GC was a different story, and we didn’t realize it until too late. I’ve described before how when we eventually saw her rec we saw that she had never updated his junior year book award citation, omitted significant honors (including the state and national level) won junior year and gave no sense of who he was. In hindsight, I wish we had arranged an appointment much earlier on. Yes, he did fine in college aps, but it was despite her, not because of her help. He could have done better.</p>

<p>Just because your kid is in the top 2% of the class doesn’t mean the GC really knows anything about her, other than that she is not a problem kid. You want her to be someone the GC actively pushes for, preferable BEFORE the GC rec is written. My S was not the type to put himself forward. Others, such as his friend mentioned above, were expert at self-promotion when required. I’d just email her again to arrange a mutually-agreeable time. And include your kid in the meeting.</p>

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<p>You might get better results if you call. Then you can verbally go over scheduling times that work or don’t work. Sometimes trying to pin down a meeting time with three different schedules by email is a huge hassle.</p>

<p>I have met with the GC 1:1 but it was during a scheduled parent teacher evening. The GCs are all at tables in the cafeteria and any parent can walk up and talk to them. Students usually do not attend these evenings, so the GCs are obviously there to talk directly with parents. </p>

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<p>If this is a large public high school, I doubt if there is much value in meeting with the GC unless you have a specific problem. At least at my kids’ school, the GCs didn’t really know the kids very well, and I assume their recommendations were based on the “brag sheets” the kids gave them. Their time was mostly occupied with kids with major problems. I have to think that colleges don’t pay a lot of attention to GC recs from big public high schools, unless there is something very unusual in them.</p>

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<p>You would be surprised at the number of issues have have arisen where the parent wants to meet with the GC without the student present, even though we have to remind the parent that we are advocates for the child and that anything that the child says in the counselling session confidential as long as the child is not in danger or a danger to others.</p>

<p>I think it would be better if you would call. You may be expressing an issue or concern that can be handled over the phone (example how many credits does my child have, have they met all of the testing requirements, rank, copy of unofficial transcript, report card, access to Jupiter grades, etc). Should you need a live one on one meeting with the GC , or a meeting with your family and the GC (starting the process to apply for non-custodial waiver, issue with the child and family that parent feels the school should be aware of), it is easier to schedule this meeting if we all have our calendars out and come up with a mutually agreed upon date and time.</p>

<p>Since our school meets as a grade team, if there is an academic concern, student cutting classes, a disruptive source in class, struggling in class, status report of how student is doing in classes), you and your child are scheduled for a meeting with the grade team when we have kid talk. You will have approximately 15 minutes and every one who teachers your child will be at the meeting. </p>

<p>At our school we must with students at least once a year to do a credit and graduation review (document must be signed by the student that the meeting took place). Meetings are more frequent junior/senior year. Since we have an advisory model, we do PDs for the advisors on different aspects of the college process, that it then turnkeyed back to the students. Gc is available to push in to advisories. Students can always make an appointment to meet with the GC. I always advise students that the best time to meet with me is before school and after school when it is most quiet</p>

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<p>At my kids high school, GC wants to meet with the kids and their parents every Spring to discuss next year’s schedule and in the Spring of Junior year, wants to meet, preferably with a tentative list of colleges that the student is considering, to discuss and review the whole college admissions process (have you taken SATs, subject tests, who, and when, will you ask for letters of recommendation, preparation of a resume, etc.) and the process for completing applications.</p>

<p>For the Spring of Junior year meeting, she will hound you until you make an appointment.</p>

<p>She then holds an optional “College Boot Camp” in August of Senior year to get the kids going on the Common App (if they haven’t already), go over the process and timing of the college application process in detail, and work with them on their essay.</p>

<p>I incorrectly have been assuming that nowadays this was happening at all high schools.</p>

<p>This is a small, public high school. </p>

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<p>We are in a regional public high school and always just stopped by and said hello to our children’s guidance counselor at parent teacher conferences. We started freshman year and these small positive interactions helped us know each other better. We talked briefly about courses & our children and thanked the GC for all of his assistance along the way. We also met together with each child and the GC in the fall of their senior year as they planned for college applications. We never asked to meet without our children We did email with specific requests, but those were very rare as we encouraged our children to make the requests to their GC. Our kids were at the top of the class and the GC knew them both well. Every time we happen to see the GC, he asks about our older son and what he is doing. He loves for him to stop by when he is on break. We are very fortunate to have a terrific counselor, but it also helps to build a relationship over 4 years, if possible, and to make sure you are saying thank you for the work the GC does</p>

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<p>Thank you all for the inputs!</p>

<p>At first, let me disclose some background info.</p>

<p>I grown up abroad and came to this wonderful country as a graduate student. So I don’t know the system (high school/college admission) well, because the graduate admission is so different.</p>

<p>My D was born here. Her high school has about 1800 students and her grade has about 430 kids. There are quite a few GCs for each grade. I could be wrong but my impression is that the GCs are not that busy at this time, because all RECs for the seniors were out long time ago and she clearly told junior’s parents in January that we could meet her in the spring. My D is kind of lay back and a bit shy. She does not feel very comfortable talking to her GC. </p>

<p>I have quite some questions for the GC. One of them is what classes my daughter should register in her senior year. I recall when my D was in sophomore year, she did not want to take AP Calculus BC in junior, because everyone told her that class had “killed” lots of kids and would kill her, too. I knew my daughter would be able to handle it. But I could not convince my D. So I let her register the AB class instead.</p>

<p>However, my D’s former GC was surprised that my D did not register the BC class. So she pushed her and even tricked her. The former GC told my daughter: We reserved a spot specially for you in the BC class because you are so good at math. Why do you still want to take AB then? And this changed my D’s mind and she is doing very well in the BC class. The former GC actually lied, a beautiful lie, though. In my town, a class size cannot be over 28 kids. If there had been more than 28 kids registered, the former GC might have to reserve a few spots for certain top students. However, historically, the BC class rarely exceeds 20 kids. So the former GC never had to reserve a spot for anyone. But I thank her so much for encouraging my D taking this class.</p>

<p>Now it’s time to register senior’s class. I want my D to register an AP English class, something like literature. But again, I cannot convince her. So I want to talk the current GC in seeking some help. I just want my D have a well balanced course load, as well as a balanced transcript. I don’t want to see my D’s math is so advanced while her English is lagged.</p>

<p>BTW, actually, my D had an 1:1 meeting with this new GC last fall. One of my D’s question was: How can I help you to know me more? (Remember the GC was new). The GC replied: Oh, I’ll know you through Naviance. This answer really worries me a lot.</p>

<p>Well, I’d better stop here. I noticed that during my typing this post, there were a few posts from others in this thread. Thank you all for your attention and inputs. </p>

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<p>I informally met with the college GC several times by stopping by when I saw he was there and not talking to anyone and I was picking up my kids. We asked what Us we should visit that were likely to award merit for kids with stats like S. There were 200+ in his graduating class and he seemed to know S pretty well (S had the distinction of missing the most school but still graduating as a NMF). We visited the GC when we were planning summer vacations so we could decide how to add visits to schools in the area where we were planning to vacation or otherwise visit.</p>

<p>We did schedule a brief meeting with our kids academic counselors a few times. S’s academic counselor just said to let S take the lead and take whatever he wanted, even if he wanted to take all APs and marching band (even though she had just made a presentation to all parents of rising SRs that they shouldn’t have more than one or two APs in their schedule). She was very concerned about his absences SR year and was wondering if he should drop an AP computer science course because he was missing so much of it but S explained to us and her that it was his easy A, and he did get an A and had no problems with the course.</p>

<p>Have you tried talking with your D about your issues as to what courses she should take and WHY she is or isn’t interested in taking the courses you think she should take? We let our kids choose their own courses, as was encouraged by the HS. It can be a good thing not to have TOO heavy of a schedule in SR year, so that the kid can focus on college APs and not burn out. Sometimes there is a personality conflict between the student and the instructor that the student knows about and doesn’t want to have to deal with as well. I’d say that if your D is top 2%, she seems likely to be an excellent student and a pretty good judge of her academic abilities.</p>

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<p>I 've just read all posts again and thank you all.</p>

<p>Let me explain a bit why I want to meet the GC without my D’s present.</p>

<p>I am aiming some top notch schools for my D. Like I said before, my D is shy. She does not want me to bring this up in front of her GC. And certainly she does not want me to discuss what courses to take with her GC. </p>

<p>But I know my daughter. She’s the one needs to be pushed (maybe “push” is not a precise word. Maybe I should use “encourage” instead). But as a father, I feel it is so hard to encourage her. But a force from outside would.</p>

<p>About my daughter’s ranking, I said it’s unofficial, because it’s my own estimation, with a valid reason. My daughter has been taking all the highest level courses since freshman year and has got all A’s. Each semester, there were less than six kids who got A in the top level math class. Sometimes there were only three kids who got A. Therefore, I truly believe my daughter has to be top 6 grade-wise. Since there are about 430 kids in her grade, a top 2% would be top 8.5. Thus my daughter should be in top 2%.</p>

<p>The school report includes a weighted GPA curve, which shows that a 4.4 would make it in top 10%. My D’s weighted GPA is way above that. I just want to ask the GC whether college admission officers would see this curve? I hope they do so they could at least estimate my daughter’s ranking. But if my daughter was present in the meeting, she would not let me to ask this kind of question.</p>

<p>Again, thank you all.</p>

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<p>Why don’t you meet with the GC AND your daughter? I would call the GC, and make a request to meet. Follow this up with an email to the GC confirming your call. If you don’t get a response within 48 hours, resend, and copy the principal. We found that the GC responded VERY quickly when we did this.</p>

<p>The GC is an advocate for your child. But your child also needs to be part of the action here, in my opinion. Pit sounds like you are suggesting a meeting to set up courses without your daughter. That sounds as tricky as her former GC. I would urge you to include your daughter.</p>

<p>The only time I would meet with a GC alone is to discuss a sensitive issue that I wanted them to know about. Even then, I’m not sure I would NOT have included my kid in the discussion.</p>

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<p>cyancyan you seem like a very loving and concerned parent - but this comment is the problem. I know as parents we need to be involved in the process, but I would encourage you to respect your daughter enough to let her be in charge of her destiny. Give her the space to become what she is supposed to be - not what you envision for her. </p>

<p>She sounds like a wonderful young lady and I’m sure she has an amazing future ahead of her. </p>

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<p>@cyancyan,
I have exactly the same background as you that I came here for graduate school many years ago and my D was born here. Even the school and class sizes are near identical. However, I doubt if the HS in your district has several GC for each grade. Most school district cannot afford that. In my school district, each HS has several GC for all 4 grades combined. If it is time for class registration, I guess there will be many students seeking for help on that. On the other hand, never underestimate their workload particularly for senior class. There are still mid-year reports to be sent for colleges, AP exam registrations, school reports and recommendations for scholarships, etc. There are also college applications going out. In addition, they also need to provide guidance to those who do not have any college admission by now. My D was actually waiting for a counselor recommendation for 2 different scholarships application right this week and she has been bugging her GC for the last couple weeks for that.
If you just have a couple simple questions, you better just send them an e-mail or give them a call.</p>

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<p>OP, what if your D has NO interest in the course or Us you want for her? When does she get to have her choices respected? How will she develop her own judgment if you try to make her choices and even trick her? What are you trying to teach her? </p>

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<p>cyancyan - what do you mean by “top-notch” colleges? If you are thinking of the very most selective colleges (like Ivy league), you won’t do your daughter any favors by intervening and asking the GC to prod your d. into taking a more demanding course-load. Those colleges are looking for students who push themselves and are self-motivated, and it won’t help with a letter of recommendation down the line if you tell the GC now that your daughter needs extra encouragement or prodding. </p>

<p>Your daughter will have plenty of good colleges to choose from with her grades, strong math skills, and class rank – but you may need to develop a more realistic plan, and be open to a wider range of schools. Her shyness and reluctance to enroll in some difficult classes might be an indication that she would be intimidated and do poorly at the colleges you might be thinking of. Perhaps the schools that are the best fit for her personality will be different than the ones you have in mind.</p>

<p>I think that you should take a step back and let your daughter work directly with the GC to choose her own classes. </p>

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<p>First of all, you (OP) have the right to meet with your daughter’s GC or any of her teachers, whether they have time to meet with you is a different matter. I wouldn’t let anyone here tell you that it’s helicoptering or there is no point. </p>

<p>D2 transferred to a new high school when she was a junior. We went to all parent/teacher conferences, whereas other parents only went if their kids were not doing well. We had a 1:1 with her college counselor AND her advisor as soon as matriculated. We let her GC know our college aspirations for D2 and how she could help with the process. We kept in touch with her via emails and meetings for the next 2 years. D2 did most of the leg work when it came to asking for LORs, but from time to time I would email GC to gently remind her if some documents were missing. We always gave her plenty of notice, with very few fire drills. She said we were the most proactive parents she has ever met and also the easiest. BTW - I believe because of our involvement and D2’s performance in school, she was nominated for many more awards/opportunities. I don’t think she was given special treatments, but she was noticed.</p>

<p>There is one thing to just look at your school’s Naviance to kind of figuring out where your kid should be, but it is another to sit down with your GC and go over it in detail. It is not something they would openly discuss in front a group of people. In OP’s case, it is perfectly reasonable for her to enlist the GC’s help to make sure her D has the right senior year schedule. </p>

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<p>Suddenly I have a whole new respect for GCs and what they have to put up with.</p>

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<p>romani - we made our GC’s job easier. If you don’t parent your kids in high school, when do you think you would do it? When they are 25 and living in your basement (I know that’s a bit of exaggeration). In my view, part of parenting is to make sure they make the right choices and be provided good opportunities for them to move on to the next stage. You do that by partnering with your kid’s school. Partnering is the key word here, not bullying or demanding, I think that’s what people are missing out here when working with their school’s administration.</p>

<p>This is similar kind of false thinking by many college kids that they are not entitled to meet with their college professors or TAs outside of classroom for help. My kids camped outside of their their professor and TA’s offices whenever they needed help because they’ve seen me asking to meet with their GCs and teachers whenever I’ve had concerns about their progress in high school. </p>

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<p>Our GCs meet with parents and student prior to freshman year and again in the spring of junior year. Otherwise, I have had phone discussions without my kids, primarily about whether to take a specific honors level course, or other minor issues. You seem to have valid concerns, but you may be able to handle it in a phone call. GCs are very busy at this time of year as well with working out next year’s class schedules, meeting with incoming freshman and with juniors, and every day issues. </p>

<p>I would be concerned if the GC really does not want to get to know your daughter. However, it may be early in the process. Our school (good public with about 400 students per grade) requires parents and kids to create a “brag” sheet by the end of Junior year that the GC uses to write the recommendation. </p>

<p>OP: Be careful how your approach the GC. IMHO, I think talking to her about how your daughter is reserved and a bit worried about reaching too high, is a legitimate thing to discuss with the GC, as is how the college application process works. But I would not suggest the GC will not be able to write a good recommendation as that may turn off the GC. Our school also does a Junior parent night where they go over the college application process and has infro online about how it works. That may be a good place to start.</p>

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<p>It’s unrealistic to think that a GC in a public school with 430 kids per grade will really get to know any of the kids very well–unless they are kids with really serious problems–or perhaps, really persistent, annoying parents. Beware of the latter possibility. I think what the OP should do is ask for a conference with the GC with his daughter, and discuss the various issues openly. She’s old enough to be included in a discussion of her own future.</p>

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<p>D1 went to a school where they had 4 GCs for 120 kids. D2 moved to a school with 1 GC for 180 kids, even though it was still a private school. It was precisely the reason we were more proactive with her new GC. We let her know what D2 needed from her for college application, time line we were working under and gave her a lot of time to get things out for us. D2 was very busy with classes, so she wasn’t always able to join us, but we kept her informed on what we discussed. </p>

<p>If you really don’t think your GC very helpful, another option is to hire a private college counselor.</p>