@SugarlessCandy This is a boarding school forum where kids typically range in age from 14-18.
Oh sorry.
In 9th grade his advisor was his dorm parent so we met him. New advisor in 10th, never met/spoke to him in 3 years. Just a quick classroom visit during parents weekend to meet the teachers.
When I am paying $50k a year, regardless of whether this is HS or Grad school, I am involved. I would expect my child to try first and if that didn’t work then I am involved. For example, if my son was in a BS with a bad roommate situation and he couldn’t get a satisfactory result then absolutely I am calling. A year of substandard scores can have a major impact on college opportunities.
If there were issues he couldn’t resolve or needed help navigating we’d have stepped in. Fortunately he’s been able to figure things out and self-advocate. Also helps that we are a short drive away and can see him - sporting events, band concerts, etc. for a quick check in from time to time.
Absolutely contact someone at the school if there is a reason. But consider starting with the dorm parent or advisor.
Here’s a fun thread- feels like yesterday! http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1604472-when-parents-get-overly-involved-p1.html
@MA2012 Did your kid’s school not have a sit-down with the advisor during parent’s weekend? That is part of the weekend schedule at my kids’ school.
@doschicos - no meeting with the advisor during parents weekend. We sort of tried to meet him once but it didn’t work out.
The few times we had urgent family news to share with daughter - death of a grandparent for example- our advisor was able to track down our daughter within 10 minutes and have her call us, including one time when she was on the hockey bus. In an emergency, we were to text his cell and he promised to react quickly. In turn parents promised to conduct all non emergency communications via email or voice mail. In 3 years, we probably reached out 3 times but I was so glad he was there for our daughter, knew her intimately after living in her dorm and being her advisor for 2 years, and was available to us. We met with him every parents weekend and it was important to check in with him to see the side of things her teachers would not see such as was she getting enough sleep, over programming herself etc. We did not expect him to necessarily fix every problem but we valued his perspective.
I go through advisors for almost everything, and I never hesitate to email them when I have a concern about one of my children. They are my surrogates. That being said, I don’t contact them often. It is rare to have a reason to contact a teacher directly, except when the teacher has an administrative role that warrants contact. I occasionally let a music or theater teacher know if I particularly enjoy a performance. And I have been known to harass my son’s tennis coach with questions about racquets…
@MA2012 and @doschicos Things may have changed at PA in that regard. We had a scheduled time during Parents Weekend to meet with the house counselor/dorm advisor–it was a group meeting in a classroom. And we were able to arrange a few moments with the advisor during lunch to touch base about our kid specifically.
We also had a death in the family this year and we were able to get in quick contact with the advisor who was wonderful in helping facilitate our kid coming home on very short notice.
@AppleNotFar - there was always a group dorm meeting, but after the first year that was not his academic advisor. We were in touch with his dorm parents over the years about his leaving campus for various reasons. I have no question that if problems arose we would have easily been able to get in touch with the right people.
I think I was focused on classroom teachers when I wrote my post.
uh-oh @MA2012 I made a rookie error–thanks for setting me straight 
@AppleNotFar I think I wasn’t clear initially so was just clarifying.
We communicate with his advisor frequently; due to the mediocre-ness of his grades, we also get progress reports from all teachers every 3 weeks. So we hear from them often; I can’t say I’ve ever communicated directly with one of them - that is done with advisor or with his learning center specialist. However, we are up there at school frequently (couple times a month), and if I see a teacher I know, I will greet them and sometimes ask “how’s he doing?”, or, “please feel free to send him to study hall”, etc. His physics teacher was my physics teacher 30 years ago, and so we are quite friendly.
No, we made a conscious decision to advise and support our students from home. Both our BS kids were encouraged to talk directly themselves to teachers, advisors and deans when they were having problems. It has paid off tremendously in the college years, as students are self-sufficient and know how to advocate for themselves and get questions answered by profs. Try to cut the cord sooner rather than later. In our experience at a well known BS, the teachers and advisors really did not enjoy talking to parents and preferred (also) not to.
@prepparent That’s interesting. Our advisor flat out told us (when I apologized once for emailing him with a question), “you guys pay a lot for this experience, I wish more parents would be engaged and communicative with me.” It seems like at Mercersburg they welcome and encourage conversations (written and otherwise) with parents.
Schools will always welcome parents involved, at least on surface. The goal of limiting it voluntarily might be giving the student chance to grow independent in the safe (and expensive) sandbox.
Our school didn’t want to interact with parents, esp the Headmaster. You weren’t confused where he stood on talking with parents.
In general, BS do a pretty good job of disintermediating parents. It makes sense – the kids live there, are learning how to manage their independence, and it keeps the playing field even. (Anyone who remembers those 4th grade parents who brought in professional science fair projects, complete with automation, etc., while your kid was bringing lumpy clay attached to wire hangers and claiming it was a solar system may be able to relate.)
With that said, we heard, almost verbatim, the same as @hellomaisy from DS’ advisor. He recognized that things might be raised in a conversation between a parent and a child, or that a parent might have picked up on something that would allow the advisor to be more helpful to the child. They don’t want you checking in ALL the time – it defeats the purpose – but honestly, it can be helpful to them to have another read on your kid.