contact with teachers/missing parents weekend

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>Following up on my question about contacting an advisor. What about teachers? There is a parents day that we won't be able to attend as it's too far away. At that event parents can sign up to meet with their child's teachers. Since we can't meet them then and I didn't meet them at drop off I was thinking of emailing them individually with a little info. introduction, our son's prior relationship to their subject, as well as any concerns, and the offer of further communication if they would like. I'd just like to have some basic connection in case issues come up later and also well, I like feeling connected!</p>

<p>How have other people handled missing parents weekend? </p>

<p>Do you communicate with teachers outside of report cards?</p>

2

<p>calhockey</p>

<p>If you can possibly make parent’s weekend, it is worth it. Usually you sit in on your child’s classes and politely say hello to the teachers, have a fairly long meeting with the advisor, and take your child out to eat. It is a great way to feel connected to your child, see a slice of their life, and usually be very reassured about their school. The kids left without parents look pretty forlorn and abandoned during parent’s weekend, especially during the first year, maybe another family of one of your children’s friends can “adopt” your child if you cannot make it?</p>

<p>Recommend against contacting teachers directly. The advisor is for parents, and the BS discourage direct contact with faculty. The advisor is serving “in loco parentis” for you, and can speak to faculty on your behalf if you child does not feel able to express whatever concern it is directly to the teacher.</p>

3

<p>But please don’t stress if you can’t attend Parents Weekend; if you can’t, you can’t, and there is no sense losing sleep over it.</p>

<p>You will probably find that, when grades come out, you will also get a very (very!) detailed term report from each teacher describing your child’s participation and performance in their class. You can use the term reports to decide if you need to initiate any conversations with your child’s teachers. You certainly are allowed to make that contact if you feel it’s necessary. Our son’s teachers were very good with e-mail communication as well as phone calls, though we only felt we needed to have two conversations last year.</p>

<p>Your child’s advisor should be keeping you informed about how academics and acclimating to boarding school are going in general, but once term reports are out, you are certainly within your rights to ask for conversations with any of your kiddo’s teachers.</p>

4

<p>Thanks 2prep and Choatie. This school doesn’t have a full weekend, just one day. I’m sure it will be hard for my son but it would cost a lot of money and time to go, that weekend we have a family event here and the logistics seem just too difficult to manage for a one day event (just a Saturday, no attending classes just meeting with teachers and the advisor… a meal and going to a game). Still I am torn. If we didn’t have this other event at home I’d try to find a way for one of us to go. Thanks for clarifying I’ll just contact the advisor for now. Arrgh I really feel badly about this parents day thing.</p>

5

<p>@calhockeymom,</p>

<p>I can’t imagine that the teachers will be unsympathetic to your logistical constraints. Suggest you call/email the teachers and ask for a phone discussion with them.</p>

6

<p>Calhockey, I agree that you should contact the teachers as well- might want to give the advisor a heads up that you are doing so. I have found the teachers to be very receptive to these sorts of things and I am certain they will fit in a conversation with you before the semester ends. I am also sure that you are not the only parent in this situation!</p>

7

<p>Thanks GMT and harvestmoon, I appreciate your input. It’s very helpful to be able to bounce this questions off knowledgeable parents!</p>

8

<p>I never made it to any of my son’s Parent Weekends, due to distance, finances, being a single parent with another child at home, etc. He survived just fine, but now that my daughter is in BS, I decided I wanted to make at least one Parent Weekend and I just returned from that.</p>

<p>At my daughter’s school, it was actually difficult to tell who had parents there and who didn’t. No mopey faces. An important part of the weekend for me was the pleasure of meeting other parents, and getting insider points of view from parents whose children are returning students. </p>

<p>I would not hesitate to call or email my daughter’s teachers whether or not I made it to Parents Weekend. I would probably call/email her advisor first, as advisors can speak with the teachers and get a feel for whether intervention is needed or just pass info on to you. I would advise not waiting till grades come out to find out how your child is doing.</p>

9

<p>

</p>

<p>(1) Every boarding school is different;
(2) I’ve NEVER heard of such a thing; and
(3) Any school that doesn’t want me in contact with my son’s teachers is not a school I’d want my son to attend!</p>

<p>You should absolutely get in touch with your son’s teachers if you want to!</p>

<p>And, as another parent whose kid is on the other side of the continental divide, I’d say not to worry about missing parent’s day. There are plenty of kids whose parents won’t be there - because of distance, work commitments, or whatever. You son won’t feel abandoned. Make a point of Skyping with him that day (or the night before) . . . and if you really want to do something special, send him a special treat to share that day with his dorm mates.</p>

<p>Honestly, unless you’re independently wealthy, or got an amazing good deal on airfare, flying back and forth across the country for a one-day visit strikes me as insane!</p>

10

<p>@dodgermom</p>

<p>I feel a need to clarify my suggestion about not contacting teachers directly. I stand by it, and have had a child in both a mid-tier and upper tier boarding school.</p>

<p>Both schools have FIRMLY told us to use the advisor first for questions and concerns, not to contact the faculty FIRST. Advisors are created to serve as a buffer between parents (who can helicopter like mad) and the faculty. I think there are several reasons:</p>

<p>1)Faculty are usually overworked and exhausted, being required to teach classes, do dorm duty, and coach sports. The last thing most faculty want is to deal with many hovering parents, which is why they created advisors.</p>

<p>2) Boarding school is about your child learning how to handle some of the problems themselves. The advisor, who has been doing this for many years with many kids, is pretty good at figuring out if this problem is one that your child should talk directly to their own teacher about, or may need some extra help (the department chair). The point is to have your child be responsible and increasingly independent. Your child is not alone.</p>

<p>3) Advisors have been thru many similar problems, and have a wealth of experience. I freely approached my child’s advisor via e-mail and visits, and actually know him well at this point. His advice on how to get things done in a smooth, politically savvy manner has been extremely helpful to my child, and I would have been pretty much flailing around in the dark approaching faculty directly about some concerns that came up. </p>

<p>4) So, I reiterate, butt out parents, and let your child, their teachers and the advisor work the way they are supposed to. Use your advisor.</p>

<ul>
<li>I dropped my child off at school this year and sat at lunch with a family who had moved to the town the school was in, so they could share the boarding experience (obviously they were not tied down by employment). They were eating with their child in the cafeteria. I have heard of this three other times now, and in one case (Andover) the child asked the school administration for help in getting his parents to leave. This was shared on revisit day by school administration to all the parents. LEAVE. It is absolutely unbelievable what some parents put the schools thru, and the presumption that teachers are at their beck and call is just one more element to a culture of entitlement and intrusion.</li>
</ul>

11

<p>2prepMom - </p>

<p>Understood, and I appreciate the clarification!</p>

<p>But, I still don’t think that a parent’s polite email to a teacher, introducing themselves and saying, “sorry I wasn’t able to meet you on Parent’s Day,” suggests a presumption that teachers are at their beck and call.</p>

<p>Introducing oneself to a teacher, once, is not the same as attempting to start a running dialogue that will continue for four years! :D</p>

<p>P.S. For what it’s worth, my personal philosophy, based on my own experience as a BS student (when dinosaurs walked the earth), is that BS parents should be neither seen nor heard . . . but I understand that not all students feel that way, and a bit more contact, especially during the student’s first year, can make the transition easier.</p>

12

<p>It’s interesting to hear the different perspectives. I’m a teacher in a private school, though not a BS, and I do like being in touch with parents. I wouldn’t be asking for an ongoing dialogue but actually maybe secretly hoping to hear some nice comment about my son or just a short reply to help me feel part of it. I know by now that he is going to have to figure out things that aren’t going well mostly without my input. However I’m probably not as overwhelmed as the teachers at my son’s school are and it’s good to keep that in mind too. I’m sure he would prefer I stay out of it but I do plan to tread very lightly! Thanks again.</p>