<p>I'm in the middle of high school and I've been seriously thinking about this...my elder brother finished high school a while ago, and he had a tough high school time. He was a terrible student in middle school. He went to an intense private middle school and he felt inferior. When he applied to competitive high schools, he was rejected everywhere while his friends got into them.</p>
<p>He ended up going to a "bad" public school in the area since we didn't have the money to move to a good area public school.
And ever since, he vowed the same wouldn't happen in the college admissions round. He spent the entire 4 years prepping for college. He'd finish school, come home, do his homework, do his ECs. He didn't have time for friends, parties, or improving his social image in HS. He never went on a date or developed a love interest or drama or anything social of the sort in school. He didn't go to a club, drink, get his first kiss in high school at all...I think he's gone a day without saying anything to his classmates at all. He didn't even go to Prom. </p>
<p>I wouldn't say he's antisocial. He LOVES talking. He can potentially be an "Alpha Male" I guess. I know him well. He's always wanted a friend. But somehow people just saw him as a Nerd and I guess nothing really happened.</p>
<p>In the end, he graduated rank 5, ended up getting into Dartmouth, Penn, Duke, and Georgetown (chose Duke).</p>
<p>I've been talking to him, and he regrets the way he spent his high school years. He doesn't know how he'd change it, but he thought it was the wrong way to spend 4 years of his life. But if he wasn't focussed like that, then how would one expect to get into a top university? </p>
<p>Is it truly possible to be a "Tony Stark" as per say (smart, good looking, socialite, complete genius)?</p>
<p>Well, therein lies the answer. If you could do highschool coursework in your sleep, then you’d have time for parties and working on that social image. To be honest though, I think in college you basically get a clean slate and really four wasted years aren’t too big a deal. And in college it’s almost impossible to avoid socializing, thank goodness :)</p>
<p>haha It’s definitely possible. I can’t speak for myself, but my older sister (Penn '11) was very well-rounded in high school. In terms of college-relevant things, she graduated valedictorian, was extremely involved in art, and also involved in student council. Other aspects of her life didn’t lack much, either. She was pretty enough to attract the attention of modeling agents (she never did model, though), had plenty of guys chasing her, and certainly went to a lot of parties. </p>
<p>My own HS life sounds a lot more like your brother’s, particularly the first two years, except it wasn’t really by choice. I’ve dated a bit, but I’m nothing like my sister. Count me as the person with lots of acquaintances and a close ring of friends, who (apparently) intimidates the majority of the former. I think it’s a comfortable place to be.</p>
<p>In middle school, I was veryveryvery reserved, because that’s just who I am. No ECs (it’s a Jr/Sr HS) except swimming, which I hated. I didn’t get out much. So then came high school, and with it the opportunity to actually be involved in some extracurriculars. I started doing stage crew for drama, and for the first year I did okay. I made some good friendships, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling of being left out. Then came this year. I started going with the drama troupe to dinner after rehearsals, and just hung out after school when we didn’t have a show. I can confidently say my life actually improved. Now, my best friends are in my troupe. </p>
<p>Honestly, outside of academics (through a crazy amount of luck and BS, I still have a 4.0) and theatre, I don’t have much of a life, but I really don’t mind because it’s such a great group. They help me escape and forget my rather crappy home life, and that’s more than enough. I guess I’m lucky in that my friends and an EC I’m really passionate about go hand-in-hand…</p>
<p>There is a way to balance friends and academics. I’ve had some pretty stressful weeks (mostly self-induced through procrastination, though) here and there, but I’ve always come out okay, and I can’t imagine dropping my friends or ECs to preserve my grades. I will admit I’ll probably put more focus on academics this fall, mainly because it’s junior year, and that’s the one that counts, but I can’t see my life without my involvement in theatre. </p>
<p>Besides, being stage manager for several successful productions has to look pretty good, right? =)</p>
<p>This sounds a lot like me, actually. Can’t say I come straight home and do all my homework nor can I say that I have no social life, but I just finished junior year, and so far no dates, love interests, drama, clubbing, drinking, kisses, or even prom. Could it be that your brother just plain doesn’t like some of these things or doesn’t agree with the perception that they constitute “having a life” in high school? I know he said he wished he had done something different, but he seems happy and you say yourself he’s not antisocial so it seems that could be a possibility. </p>
<p>It’s definitely possible (and very much so) to have a fulfilling high school experience and get into great schools. You just don’t have to be out partying a lot–it’s no mystery. </p>
<p>(I sincerely apologize if this comes off as rude or condescending. I’m not condemning that idea by any means, just trying to pose a suggestion of a different understanding.)</p>
<p>@ThisCouldBeHeaven: It depends on the size of the school.</p>
<p>I’m looking for more input on this matter. I like your input, Exodus, but you’re a girl. It’s much easier for a girl (a normally attractive female) to have a social life than a guy if you think about it.
I don’t think my brother chose to live the way he did…he knew he had a problem and he longed for a friend. I’d catch him sobbing in the bathroom because he felt so lonely. High school was so much about popularity and the students already knew each other from middle school. My brother came from a private middle school, so he didn’t know anyone. It was hard for him to get into the cliques and he didn’t want to join school clubs because he felt they wouldn’t help him get into top colleges…But I knew he wanted to be the star. He wanted to be respected and acknowledged. </p>
<p>I guess he just didn’t know how to deal in social situations…he wasn’t taught it I guess. My brother’s pretty attractive, but he wasn’t confident for some reason. He had a girl overly fawning over him, but he didn’t know how to handle the situation. He blew it.</p>
<p>But he’s better now. He’s pretty witty but still feels he can improve more. He’s joined a frat at Duke and he’s beginning to feel good with himself.</p>
<p>Right now I do since summer is rolling in but I balance with life with my school life. I self study AP’s in the summer, attend almost all the football practices, and I still find time to be with my friends. </p>
<p>This year I’m going to work at best buy so we’ll see how that goes.</p>
<p>I’m an A- student that plans to major in Chemistry and attend medical school</p>
<p>What do you define as “having a life”?
Many of us see “having a life” constantly going out partying.
But really, what makes constant partiers have more of a “life” than people who study?</p>
<p>^Normally I would say that’s a terrible question to ask.
I mean you might as well ask “why can’t I sit home and and strip naked on the webcam and make money instead of getting a legit job?”</p>
<p>But I suppose if you truly find enjoyment in studying and you won’t feel tired staring at a book for 10 hours, then by all means there’s no problem in that It’s just not what kids normally do, which is fine. </p>
<p>But I prefer to stick to traditional thinking. And that’s balance. Going out to party is part of having a life, but not entirely. Having a life constitutes having friends and doing social activities that improve your social intelligence (knowing what to say when, being attuned to other people’s feelings, and maybe deal with sexually suggestive environments if you are mature enough). These skills are vital and important (even in the fields of academics) to develop as they make a vital part in defining who you are. Remember, humans are social creatures. </p>
<p>The problem comes where you know you want to engage yourself in social activities, but you can’t help but feel awkward…going clubbing your first time is a great example. Or pretty much doing any school activity at a school you barely know anyone. It’s hard for some people to break that comfort zone and meet new people. Especially when there’s a tacit concept of “social value” in High School and in college (eg: Student Govt president and the varsity football player have “high social value” while that emo kid who plays yugioh cards and has no friends has “low social value”). I was just interested in how other people cope up with this since my brother and I had a tough time with it.
AND at the same time, how did you deal with academics and not lose that 4.0 GPA?</p>
<p>In my school, you can either have half a life (small circle of trusted friends) and perform well academically, or a life (like the kind where you regularly get drunk at parties) and possibly do fairly well academically but usually not. I go to a somewhat large (1,200-1,500 students) public high school.</p>
<p>What really ****es me off is the people who get drunk and high all the time, but still manage to get above a 30 on their ACTs. People who are book-smart but have no respect for others is so annoying, especially because they don’t work hard at all.</p>
Yeah…this is not exactly open-minded now is it? Though it isn’t exactly smart to get high and drunk all the time, you aren’t God to judge its a bad thing.
I wish I could be kinda like that person…the kind who can drink and have a good time but at the same time be really smart. Just like Robert Downey Jr in Iron Man ;)</p>
<p>In my opinion, no life to duke is better than life > local ****ty state school. Obviously this is a dichotomy but at least now he can have this precious thing (life) he desires so much and attend a wonderful university. PS, show him this: [The</a> Truth About Duke: Fraternities](<a href=“http://suckmyduke.blogspot.com/2007/04/fraternities.html]The”>The Truth About Duke: Fraternities) mini-bible</p>
<p>How is getting drunk and high all the time showing no respect for anyone else? You’re only doing it to yourself…</p>
<p>My two best friends were numbers 1&2 in the class, pres & VP of both student council and NHS, respectively, and did internships/research. They both also partied heavily on the weekends, maintained lengthy relationships, and were exceptionally popular in school. One will be going to Yale, the other UPenn. So yeah… Having a life and going to a good college can be done.</p>
<p>I’ve only just realized all the things I should have gotten a head start on during freshman year. That’s why people whose parents pay for a college planning counselor have an advantage in the college application process.</p>
<p>I’ve pretty much just accepted that I’m probably going to UC Berkeley and remind myself that college is another chance to start anew get somewhere.</p>
<p>I do have a life. I don’t Facebook *that much, but a party at least once a month and a lunch with friends after finals each semester.</p>
<p>I can see how being an overachieving girl can be easier socially than being an overachieving guy. Still, it’s very possible.</p>
<p>Last summer, I met someone at a summer camp who simply stunned me. He was arguably the smartest guy I’ve ever met (well, conspicuously smart; part of this is probably b/c he represented himself far better than most smart guys, who tend to lack social skills)–there was just something brilliant about him. He had a silver tongue (state champion debater), could think remarkably quickly on his feet, and was well-versed on a broad range of topics. I was good friends with him and one other guy, and even though all three of us were valedictorians, who covered HYPS together in our acceptances…well, it was pretty obvious that he was, if not the smartest, at least the most well-spoken of us three.</p>
<p>Anyways, he was also very classically handsome, articulate, well-dressed, etc. A veritable social butterfly. By the end of the camp, he was on good terms with almost everyone. The professors loved him, too, because his in-class comments were so insightful. Based on what he told me, though, he seemed like a pretty hardcore party boy back home (alcohol, drugs, etc.), and his Facebook is littered with photos of him with attractive girls.</p>
<p>I know it probably sounds like I was in love with him or something (I wasn’t), but I’m trying to be as objective as possible. There were many less than wonderful aspects to him as well–e.g. he was arrogant, insultingly candid at points, etc. But what I’m trying to emphasize is that guys <em>can</em> be “smart, good looking, socialite, complete genius.” It’s just incredibly rare. :P</p>
<p>I’m near the top of my class and I party pretty hard. Honestly, you can make time for fun no matter what your schedule is in high school, and it’s not really too hard.
I have never regretted putting down my schoolwork to have an adventure with friends, because I am aware that when I’m older, I will regret all that I didn’t do much more than what I did do.</p>
<p>No, I don’t have a social life but that is because I chose so. I don’t ever start a conversation and avoid being involved as much as possible.
I like being alone.
I don’t think I’ll ever regret it because I don’t find people likable.
So basically, if one has no social life for college, it’s pitiful. But when one chose to not have one, it’s not regretful.</p>
I’ve dated a bit, but I’m nothing like my sister. Count me as the person with lots of acquaintances and a close ring of friends, who (apparently) intimidates the majority of the former. I think it’s a comfortable place to be.</p>
It’s just not what kids normally do, which is fine. </p>