My SO got the oxtail at a small shanty/restaurant on St. John. I got the curried goat. Both were wonderful, despite spending a fair bit of time picking out the bones. hehe
This is an enormous deal to me. Iām going to be sharing meals with my spouse three times a day, every day, for the rest of my life ā far more often than the worldās busiest couple would be getting it on. Itās not controversial that physical compatibility is important, and I view culinary compatibility the same way. Hell yes, we organize what we order, as well as where weāre going to eat and what I cook.
Calvin Trillinās work is the scripture of my family, and as he wrote: āMarriage is not merely sharing the fettuccine, but sharing the burden of finding the fettuccine restaurant in the first place.ā
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I love how strongly you feel about this!
General practice for my wife and I:
Small plate and Chinese places, we generally share.
If something is amazing, weāll share a bite
Other things we donāt share.
Once in awhile we will share dessert
My husband and I will usually share a salad and have our own separate entree and no dessert. When I eat with my daughter and her family, they order a LOT of food. She orders soup and or salad, 4 to 5 appetizers to share and our own entree. She also orders several dessert to share. Whenever we share appetizers, I always request a small plate for each of us so we are not really sharing our plate.
If we have Chinese/Thai food, we always eat family style, but with a serving utensil for each dish. Our family are adventurous eaters, but I will not eat innards like brains, intestines, blood, stomach etc.
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The one thing I know I would not share with my husband is dessert. Because he eats fast and big forkfuls and I like to savor and eat slowā¦.so with him, Iām probably only getting about 20%of that dessertā¦ 
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Another Calvin Trillin fan. Back in 1979 Alice Letās Eat was my bible for finding local food on my travels across the country.
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Eating family style and sharing food is really no different from eating buffet style. People get their food from common platters. Nobody is picking food off your own plate.
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Eating at a buffet is very different than family style. At a buffet, I can choose from dozens or a hundred items what I want to eat, and I can eat exactly as much of something as I want. I can eat a lot!
Family style Iām limited to the few items that others choose, and I may not get as much of what I want to eat if others decide they want a lot of it too.
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This reminds of a very funny 1980ās Wendyās commercial āParts is parts.ā
Notice I said buffet style. Not an all you can eat buffet. If we are ordering a dish that is popular among family or friends, we get 2 or 3 orders. Each person makes at least one suggestion so everybody gets something of what they want. In the end, thereās usually a lot of food left. Family style means you discuss what you will order ahead of time. If thereās a dish that you donāt like, you donāt have to eat it. I like to eat different items at each meal, not just one main course.
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Loved that commercial. Still funny.
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Iām not discussing what Iām going to order with anyone, and I donāt care a whit what anyone else orders. Your plate is your plate and my plate is my plate and never the twain shall meet. Or you may get a fork jabbed in your hand. (Sorry mom.)
Humbug!
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Never heard it called that eating in a restaurant. But it still doesnāt sound appealing to me. When I eat out, I donāt want to share. I donāt want to talk about it beforehand and make compromises. I just want to eat what I want. I compromise and share every other moment of my life (except the bed sheets!). Just no. And this is yet one reason why I hate social eating situations. Blech. Opposite of fun for me.
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Iām in the mindset of nothing tastes as good as the first bite, so Iād rather have a bunch of first bites than eat many bites of the same thing.
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We solve that by ordering more than one of things everyone likes.
Amen. Live to eat!
Iām with you. No thanks to sharing in most restaurant situations. I cook and share most of our meals at home and cater to everyoneās dietary needs and wants. When I go out to eat I want to eat what I want.
Plenty of other social situations where sharing food is fine and good, but I get what I want at a restaurant.
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I wonder if part of the distinction here is how wide oneās tastes are. At a good restaurant, no matter how enthusiastic I am about ordering my first choice/the signature dish/whatever, there are always several other things Iām dying to try. I wouldnāt have the same approach if I thought the restaurant only made one dish I would want. Most of the time in America, the portions are so giant that we only get an entree for each person if weāre planning to take leftovers home.
But collaboration can help even if weāre not sharing. My mother and I read the entire menu rapidly, noticing all the details like lists of salad dressings or sides. Both my father and my husband miss some of those details and rely on us to point out what they overlooked. My husband will say āThis burger looks amazing,ā and Iāll say āYou saw that it has blue cheese [which he hates]?ā Nope, he didnāt see, but now he knows to ask for a different cheese. If the menu is fantastic and a bunch of things look great, heāll say āIām overwhelmed ā you pick out what I want.ā Generally, I can.
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Good point about reading the menu carefully. When I go to a new place, like The Red Hen, I pull up the menu online well before we get to the restaurant. Going over ahead of time and at my own pace is part of the fun and anticipation of going somewhere new, considering all the possibilities.
Before I walked in the door I knew I wanted that rigatoni, and nothing was going to change my mind. I went with the safe buttery toast for the appetizer, but dh picked the butternut squash hummus, which was fantastic. Iām so glad he got it and let me try some. And out party each got a different dessert. I tasted three of them, because I wasnāt sure my friendās dh was into sharing and besides he ordered the least attractive dessert, to me!
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