Do you have quick tips to raise a 10 essay to a 11 or 12?

<p>Recently I've been working hard to get a higher score on the SAT Writing essay (since multiple choice has its limit). My tutor has been giving me mostly a 10, and am steadily getting at least a 10. How can I improve my essay? Can you guys give some advice not only for me but for others in the same situation! Thx :)</p>

<p>Here's my essay
Successful people each have their own methods for having succeeded. Although there are some people who were blessed by God, most successful people have become so due to their hard work. Regardless, luck has its limits, while it is those people who have worked hard who are able to take full advantage of luck. In other words they earned it. The novel The Catcher in the Rye and the life of television host Oprah Winfrey shows how success is truly earned, while the man who swept the entire world into Linsanity, basketball player Jeremy Lin shows how hard work enables one to take advantage of luck.
In JD Sallingers novel, The Catcher in the Rye, its main character Holden believes the entire world to be phony. Although he is from a relatively wealthy family, and attends a good boarding school, he wastes such advantages; once again he calls theses things “phony”. Due to such attitude he is unable to achieve any success, both academically and socially. Tired of living such meaningless life, Holden decides to drop out of school, and for the last time while living in New York, decides to go on a short weekend journey to Manahattan. However, the real world does not treat Holden so well. Still lingering on to his perception of the world as “phony”, Holden gets into much trouble. The difference between his journey and his life in school, however, is that Holden wants to get something out of his journey. In the end he grows mature while getting a better sense of the world. In the end, due to his hard work, Holden has become successful.
Also, the life of the television host Oprah Winfrey shows that at time only hard work can lead to success. Born in a family of poverty, Oprah grew up in terrible standards. As a child she was raped ate the age of 9, and eventually gave birth to her first child at the age of 14. Her child soon died. In desperate attempts to make a living, she even resorted to prostitution, selling and doing drugs as well. Eventually, she got hold of her senses, working hard to get a decent job from that point. She entered a broadcasting company, and spent years doing “little jobs”, meanwhile working hard to show her bosses her capability. In the end, her hard work was rewarded. Her first TV talk show, the Oprah Winfrey Show produced record numbers, contributing most to her success. Oprah Winfrey is a great figure who became successful through her sustaining efforts.
2012 can be called the year of Linsanity. Once an unknown mediocre basketball player, Jeremy Lin threw the entire world into a sensation known as Linsanity. Prior to such success, Lin had rarely been acknowledged as a good player. He did not receive any athletic scholarships from universities, and eventually entered the NBA undrafted out of Harvard. On one faithful day, the New York Knicks starting point guard, Baron Davis became injured. The coach, desperate to snap his teams losing streak entered Lin into the game. In a matter of minutes, Lin showed people just how underestimated he was. Once given the chance, or as he quoted it “a gift from God”, his hard work and practice paid off. He scored 26 points and carried his team to victory. Since then his game winning shots, dominance over one of the games greatest players, Kobe Bryant landed him on the cover of two TIMES magazines, showing just how successful he had become. It was not luck, but the accumulation of hard work that ultimately paid off for Lin.
Through the novel, The Catcher in the Rye, the life of Oprah Winfrey and the sensation created by NBA point guard, Jeremy Lin, we can indeed realize that success is truly earned. Luck may contribute, as in the case of Jeremy Lin, without hard work luck will only come short of success. Success is earned.</p>

<p>Read this:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html?highlight=how+to+get+a+12[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html?highlight=how+to+get+a+12&lt;/a&gt;
*I got an 11 using this guy’s advice. Show an essay to your tutor using this advice and see what his response is.</p>