D sends me her offer letters to review, so I know what the initial offer is. She asks me for financial planning advice, etc. so it’s natural for her to share the information with me. I don’t think she shares with her peers.
1 Like
My older DS is graduating from UG this year and from a master’s degree next year. The internship he has lined up for the summer could turn into a job next year. He has shared the amount he made from last summer internship, how much he will make this summer, and the potential offer (if given) for the following year. He asks us to review his contracts also.
This may change in the future as he gets older, but I hope not. In turn, we have started sharing more of the nitty gritty details of our finances with him and his younger brother - just so they understand how much comes in and goes out.
I can’t predict the future, but I hope it continues. It is much easier to be open about finances than it is to leave them in the dark.
As to sharing the info with his friends - I believe he’s told his best friend, but that’s about it. He generally doesn’t share what he’s specifically doing unless someone asks follow up questions.
I did know when daughter first took her job as she asked my opinion on the health insurance options, the 401k set up, etc. Since then she’s gotten several raises and bonuses, so I don’t know exactly how much she makes now. I can guess, but she doesn’t tell me.
Other daughter works at Starbucks and as a TA at her school. Her bank account is still tied to mine so I can see what is deposited, but not the gross amount (quite similar, I think).
I’m fine if my kids share their finances. And I think there is some validity to them knowing things about ours since in the end it will be theirs…but for those that “hope” that offspring continue to share their finances…why is it important or necessary that I know theirs???
4 Likes
My (adult) D & I are very open about financial matters. It started when she was about 12, she asked me “how much do you make?” When I told her she said she thought that was a lot, so it seemed the perfect time for learning where that “a lot” goes, so in round numbers I broke down house payment, utilities, car expenses, medical insurance, food, and other. At the end of our chat she wisely said “you don’t make enough!” -
Since then she’s asked for financial guidance (some which she used, some which she hasn’t) and overall I’d say she’s got a good financial head on her shoulders.
As for if she discusses finances with friends that I don’t know. I do know her generation and younger are far more open about most things my generation and older would have considered taboo.
You can tell them AGI. You can also tell them taxable income. But forms typically are asking for gross income (and that isn’t AGI) and often its monthly (and bulk of what I earn is at the end of the year – leave in November and what I received to date is pretty much it so dividing annual by 12 really isn’t accurate). That can create issues too in terms of providing current “pay stubs.”
And yes my wife knows our gross income, AGI and taxable income. But in terms of what those numbers mean compared to what people typically talk about (gross income) its not really clear.
I know what my kids make. They freely tell me about their salaries and investments, though younger S is still in school and doesn’t have as much as his 23 year old brother. I expect they will always tell me, but if it changes, that’s fine too. It’s their lives, and they are proud to share.
But they have also known what H and I make for years. Older S has been my backup for finances in case something happens to me since middle school. H doesn’t have a clue and doesn’t want to know. He has no idea what AGI stands for
But H and I both have jobs where your salary is published yearly in the paper if you make more than $55K, so it’s hardly a secret. Everyone here knows! Or knows that H didn’t make the list until recently…
I know how much my kids make and I know how much money they have saved. They still come to us to ask advice on investing, mortgages, contracts and such. I’ve also told them how much we have. We parents and the kids have a ‘need to know’ for various practical reasons. But sharing with someone outside the immediate family? That’s a no-no. There’s no reason for it.
2 Likes
For our 3 kids, we knew all $$s when they started, and know 2 of three ongoing, including what’s in their bank accounts, raise percentages, etc.
The other I knew after X time he would get X amount in raise, but he doesn’t talk to us pretty much about anything, so don’t know how much he makes. He still uses the accounts with me as co-owner, so I could easily find out how much he has in his regular accounts, but don’t know for investment accounts. (Haven’t seen regular balances except when I deposited funds for him - he knows I do that, I’m not snooping).
We knew 2 of 3 SOs when they were getting jobs, and knew how much their offers were. The other I know about what she makes now, but don’t know exactly. This one is very private, and I’m guessing her own family probably doesn’t know, nor do many friends.
Our kids don’t know how much we have, partly because we are a blended family and our ex-spouses didn’t need to know. (Step-d cannot keep a secret, at all). Both of us are/were federal gov’t employees, so not hard to figure out range of our salaries.
At some point soon I will likely discuss all of our money with the son who is likely to be executor of our estate, but I will expect him to keep that info. private from everyone else. (I’m confident he can/will).
I know one son talks with his friends about employment/$$s stuff. I think step-d does also. Son tells me how much he is “worth” but probably doesn’t tell anyone else, except his fiancé and maybe one friend who is a financial planner.
Well, my mother runs my office, so… I expect the same will happen with my and my kids. It is cultural in many families that money is a secret and others it isnt. Ours it is not.
1 Like
Fascinating reading the comments here!! We are clearly in the minority in terms of not being in the know on our ds’s income and financial situation overall.
My dh did do our son’s tax return when he was in college and the first year he was out. But, when he did it that first year he was out of college he made it pretty clear that he was turning over that responsibility to ds the next year, but that he was free to ask him for any help if he needed it. May I ask why you do your adult kids’ taxes?
We certainly talked a lot about finances with ds when he was growing up in our home. But those discussions were in a more abstract and philosophical advice way rather than a nitty-gritty way dealing with our personal numbers. I think financial concepts can be discussed without hard numbers. OR, alternatively, can be discussed with simple, round, made up numbers as examples to illustrate concepts. Ideas like maxing out retirement or having a certain number of months worth of income saved don’t require revealing personal info.
Our ds opened his investment account the day he turned 18. We did have access to his regular bank account throughout college, but that was changed during his senior year in the lead up to commencement.
1 Like
I sort of know what they make. I have done one of my kids taxes but this year they have some extenuating circumstances so they are hiring a professional.
The other I have a ball park idea. Neither child does anything where their salary would be anything but a small range in what people in their profession make.
One child I know more about because they are more chatty and sharing. The other is doing fine but not much for sharing these things. I know that when they had an unemployment incident that they had plenty in savings to weather any periods of unemployment. That’s all I’m really worried about at this point.
But my husband and I don’t really share how much we have in our portfolio and I have only a rough idea of what my mom has and what my in laws have. I’m really only concerned that they have enough.
1 Like
I did the one kids taxes because I was doing mine and theirs was easy. I have the software and it’s just plug in the numbers. It’s cheaper for them and takes me almost no time to do.
The other likes to hire a professional.
When my fil died, mil had NO idea how much money they had. My dh does manage her money for her, but she is certainly now aware of where her money is and how it is invested. And dh does do her taxes for her, but he always did his parents taxes. I should add that both dh and I are CPAs by trade (though our licenses are now labeled, “inactive”).
I think that’s a generational thing.
Although my bil has his own business and other than bottomless, I don’t think his wife had awareness of what he made. Or more likely ignored anything but that he would have to make more money appear when she needed it.
My in laws rely on their accountant, their financial guy and the elder lawyer who has everything in trust. It’s comfortable but not an excessive amount but I’m so happy that they have “people” who they trust helping them.
I don’t think the in laws ever wanted us to know their finances.
1 Like
H did ours, my mom’s and two of our adult kids until my mom passed away and the youngest got married. Now he just does ours (and his) and medical lad’s.
Why? He pays for Tax Act to do ours and his business. It comes with “extra freebies” he can use. No sense not using the freebies. My mom certainly appreciated it - as did our kids when they were in college or bacheloring it. Medical lad still does.
I did both of my kids’ taxes through college and at about first year of job or so. Now it’s just easier for them to handle.
ETA - oh yeah, maybe I did them bc it was so easy with turbo tax, and we could do for free. Probably figured better I do it than have them punching in the numbers/looking at ours/messing something up (my H would be more worried about this than I am)
My step-d is 30 and has NO CLUE about taxes. She just paid an accountant to do fairly simple taxes, and she didn’t really understand much about it. I’ve tried to explain some concepts and her dad is going to do the same when she visits soon. I assume her mom has done her taxes in previous years with little input or explanation to her.
We know what our son makes, and he has known all about our finances, income, savings, portfolio, attitude toward money, etc. since he was very young. I agree you can teach children about financial matters and how to build wealth without using real numbers but we never saw any reason not to. Our son likes talking about money with us. That could change as he gets older and moves into the civilian world but, for now, having an adult income is new to him and he likes talking about how he handles his finances. We’ve never done his taxes.
3 Likes
DS works in finance and shares with us his bonus amount. He is quite open to us on his finances particularly whenever his investments in private equity do well. DD is a SAHM (SIL is a partner in a top NYC law firm) but shares the family income info if the topic arises.
I did my kids’ taxes when they were in high school and college. Daugther is in grad school now. When son graduated college I told him I would file his return if he wanted me to. I am a CPA though I never did taxes and haven’t practiced as one since before he was born. He could do his own with TurboTax and at some point I expect that he will. And right now, I am more than happy with preparing his taxes if he remains my tech adviser (which he is more than willing (and qualified) to do). What he saves me there is more than worth the time I spend on his taxes. LOL
My dad paid someone to do his taxes for years. They charge him too much but he had used them for years. This year though they decided they are no longer doing individual returns; just ones for their corporate clients. I get it; dollar revenues aren’t worth it for what is a pretty easy return. So I will prepare his taxes this year too. Haven’t told him yet but his long time investment adviser and his estate attorney left for different firms in the past couple months. Selling his house and car and moving to assisted living was enough change. Will let him know of the other changes later.
1 Like