I have one friend who not only knows all the details of her adult kids’ compensation (base, bonus potential, equity, etc) and their savings, but also freely shares that information with me. I am not sure if its a way of bragging (??) or just being raised differently than I was or what.
I told her that I have no idea what ds’s compensation is or how much money he has saved. I did know his base compensation when he was in an industry and with a firm that has those amounts widely publicized in business articles. Not a rabbit trail down GlassDoor or anything. You can just google and see at least the base pay by level. But that was the only reason I knew what he made, and I have no idea how much he, personally, received for bonuses during that time. Now that he has a new job, I have absolutely no idea how much money he makes. My friend says her kids share that information with her (not sure if that is another type of brag to show how much, “closer” she is to her kids??), and I told her that ds would never share that with me, nor did I expect him to. ‘Cause I don’t. Goodness knows he doesn’t know what dh makes or how much money we have.
She claims that young people talk much more openly about money, what they make, etc. than our generation did. Is this true? As open as people have become about discussing all types of issues, I have felt that money is still the one topic that remains relatively taboo. Am I wrong and completely out of touch?
My kids tell me literally everything, so yes, I know what they make. DD’19 is still in school but DD’17 is independent and has told me her starting wage, each raise, and sometimes updates me on her bank balance (because she’s happy it keeps growing). She may start an investment account soon and wants me to be present.
Oh, I also do their taxes (I am a tax preparer so it’s logical) so I guess I would know that way too lol.
How much she discusses with her peers, I’m not sure. I think she has a vague idea how a couple of her classmates are doing comparatively.
DD’19 knows that all of her college friends have taken out loans, and they have discussed how much HEERF grants they each got (which was based on FAFSA tiers). I wouldn’t be surprised if they tell each other their hourly wage at their part time jobs, it helps them know where are good places to apply.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea for peers or family to share what they make, if they want. It helps these young people obtain reference points. I know my kids have wanted to know how much it takes to get to the lifestyle DH and I have. It’s like the other thread where a professor was so shocked that students didn’t know the average wage in the US- if no one in their life shares, how do they know?
I know how much my son makes but only because I do his taxes.
I think as a general matter, young people are more comfortable sharing just about everything because they have grown up with social media and all the sharing it entails. I see people posting things that I would never share. Though I have next to no social media footprint.
And overall, I think it depends on the person. I know several people who are all about sharing details having to do with money. Presumably its some type of bragging. Not sure. But they know how much their friend group makes, how much they spend on house projects (basement finishing, patios, kitchen/bath remodels, etc), how much they spend on trips, cars, etc. And they often talk about each other to people outside the friend group. Always seems very odd to me. I don’t look to tell people how much I make or how/where I spend my money. To each his/her own. Just don’t get upset if you share your financial details with me and I don’t reciprocate. Had you asked, I would have said I don’t care to know yours.
Our kids shared details of their salaries and bonuses early on, but over the years have done so less often. I know roughly what they make, and they’ve mentioned raises when they were promoted.
We didn’t talk much about money when they were young, mainly because we didn’t want them to either worry or to share that information with others. As far as I know, they still don’t discuss money with friends or relatives. They’re aware that some friends chose lower paying careers and they’ve said they don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I’m fairly certain they now earn more than most of their relatives in our generation, as well as their cousins, but I wouldn’t say that except anonymously here.
Well, my kids don’t really make money yet, but I’ll turn it around and say they know what H and I make. We’re pretty open with that kind of thing in our house.
I know how much my 23 and 25 year olds make, but it’s their first job, ds is in finances like DH and they talk about the industry constantly, Dd is a CPA, both are aggressively paying down student loans so that is talked about. I’m guessing the kids know about our family income having to fill out forms and such for college, and saving for retirement is a frequent conversation. I remember bring in college and having to ask my dad his income. My kids have also grown up heating “because we can’t afford it.”
D1 calls me as soon as she finds out her bonus and salary increase. My son in law will call me too when he has a particular good year. D2 doesn’t need to tell me because her pay is standard as an associate at a law firm. I could just google if I want. I also do her taxes.
My kids tell me everything. They ask my advice about financial matters, too.
I collected $1500 in “rent” from my daughter during the pandemic. Now that she has a real job and her employer matches her IRA contribution up to 8% of her salary, I am transferring money to her that she then puts into retirement. I’m hoping that when she uses up the $1500 she continues to contribute.
Totally open in our family. They know how much we make and what our finances are in general (helpful if we pass away) and they share with us what they’re making.
We’ve always shared a lot in our family, not just finances. It wasn’t that way as much when the kids were younger, but certainly has been since they reached their upper teen years +.
We talk freely about money with our adult daughter. She knows what we have and how much DH makes; she tells us how much she has and how much she makes.
My father was much more secretive about money with us kids, although he and Mom worked closely together on their finances. He seemed to think we would discuss it with our friends (as if! We had better things to talk about. )
One of my kids and her husband have jobs where their salaries are a matter if public record. Easy to look up. But when DD gets an op to earn additional income, she always tells us.
Other kid, yes, we know the finances there too…because we just do.
And our kids also know a very close number to what our finances are.
My wife doesn’t know how much I make. Self employed. Lots of what I would call funny money (paying self employment taxes, full fare for medical, etc) that makes it a challenge to understand. At least in terms of knowing how that would translate if I was an employee. Same issues exist any time I have gotten a loan when they ask for income. I just make up a number that is enough to get the loan. They can’t complain if I arguably make more.
I know about what they make and they often are eager to share an increase. I don’t ask, but sometimes they like to tell. I don’t know that it’s a subject of conversation with their friends, but if it is what’s the harm unless it’s in a bragging or “one up” way.
But it’s also not like to sit at the table and talk about our bank deposits/balances.
I don’t know how much either of my kids, ages 33 and 35, make. The older one certainly shares if she has been promoted in title, etc. The younger one is not on a salary and is paid per project/gig.
I grew up in a household where my parents were very open about finances. We’ve continued that at home - the kids don’t know exactly how much we make, but they could sure give you a pretty good guess. We’ve also discussed retirement and funds/estate with them so they have a rough idea of what we have.
Until last year, I did their taxes so I did know how much money they made. I don’t ask but they do share. I do expect that they will not be as open sharing this a few years from now and especially when they have SOs, but that’s ok with me.
Pretty cool to read all these comments. Mine is still in college but I hope we will have such an open relationship about money one day like many of you!
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