<p>I'll probably view my current self as an idiot in about a month lol</p>
<p>I know I'll look back on my second semester senior year self as a bum. Why the hell did I spend so much time typing on stupid college blogs? Or, while I wasn't doing my normal rigorous routine at that time, why the hell didn't I get a girlfriend?
The questions we ask in hindsight... wait, I'm not looking back on it yet.</p>
<p>@ Keshira: Very good question. I wonder if we're all experiencing one of those "coming-of-age" moments -- and if so, whether there are others or this is our final one. I'd guess the former, but who knows? Interesting...</p>
<p>Preschool-kindergarten: I thought of myself as a pretty smart cookie. I went to a Montessori school, but when I was in kindergarten, I got to go read with the 1st graders and my teacher bought special books for me. My friends ranged in age, but were always my age or older. I can barely remember the kids who were younger than I. I was a teacher's pet.</p>
<p>1st grade was a big game changer and I think had I had a different teacher I would have been a lot different now. My teacher, in short, was a racist b'tch. She didn't like the fact that I was black and intelligent. She told my parents that I was arrogant and didn't work well with others. More like I was shy and somewhat depressed because she was so openly mean to me. I loved school before that, but all that year I would cry when I had to go to school. I was terrified and sad. When I, a little 6 year old girl hadn't completed <em>coloring a butterfly stencil</em> to my teacher's specifications my teacher didn't let me go on a field trip to see a local butterfly show. Who the frig does that to a 6 year old? I was the only one who couldn't go. I transferred out of her class after a year (normally, I would have stayed there for 3). This was also the year I got into fashion and extravagances. My aunt bought me a $300 skirt suit from Nordies. (My aunt did all my back to school shopping in my youth. She had no children so she had a lot of disposable income. She even had college savings accounts for my sister and me.) and I had my first taste of caviar, which I would often take to lunch in the years to come.</p>
<p>2&3: Generally, just really great years. I got to know a lot of kids whom I still know today. My teacher was great, I had a ton of fun. I was generally friends with all the girls in the classroom but I lacked close friends. I mean, I went to birthday parties and stuff, but I don't think I could say I had a best friend.</p>
<p>4-6: Even better years. I was reunited with one of my best friends from kindergarten and I also made best friends with another girl in my grade, who is probably, outside of my sister, my best friend. I never succumbed to the academic arrogance that a lot of people here experienced, even though at the beginning of 5th grade my teacher skipped me a year ahead in math. A few boys teasingly called me perfect which is still something that really bothers me now. It happened to me a few days ago in English, the whole class calling me out when I said I sucked at math. and I forgot about how much I hate it. I had to go to gifted classes in 6th grade (which were so un-Montessori and stupid) and rather than make me realize I wasn't that intelligent or anything like that, I (and the other 3 people in there with me) just complained about how stupid it was.</p>
<p>7: A blah year, pretty forgettable. I was barely hanging on, socially. I had no classes with my friends and made few others. I became really close with an 11th grader who called me daughter and looked out for me. I kept in contact enough with my friends to resume our close relationships later.</p>
<p>8&9: I was placed in my schools Honors program (aka, set for my HS career). It was awesome, everyone was tight, there were a million field trips and parties, little homework. The Honors program at my schools seems to be more set up to isolate and protect the best students than to really challenge them, but I was still one of the top students in there. I made a real best friend for the first time since kindergarten and even though she's moved away now, I still adore her and I went to visit her last April. Totally overdue for another visit. I had an active social life, especially in 9th grade. I went out almost every weekend with my little group. I got straight As first semester 9th grade, which is the best I've ever done, the best I will probably ever do. At this point, these two years, but 9th grade more so, were the best years of my life.</p>
<p>Summer before 10th grade: Horrible. Worst thing you can imagine. My mother got fed up enough with my father to move out (she's back now, no worries) and my sister, who is my everything, whom I worship like a god, went with her. I went frigging crazy and locked myself in my room. I didn't eat, I didn't talk. One day my father sorta beat me; he spanked me so violently that I bled a little bit and had bruises on my legs for weeks afterward, so I really hate him now, but I talk to him now because otherwise he would basically disown me. My friends were in China and Europe for most of the summer, and when one came back she announced that she was moving, so I went back to school, spent the first Friday with her, and on Saturday morning she left.</p>
<p>10: I hated it. I stayed home "sick" more than I ever had, but usually not taking the whole day off just my first three bells (Gym/Health, APUSH, French). After my friend moved away, all of my friends stopped hanging out together. One started hanging out with a bunch of kids I can't stand, and as she became more like them, my other friends realized they didn't like her. It was just really blah.</p>
<p>11: According to everyone at ballet, I seem much happier. They think I must have had an epiphany over the summer. Whatevs. My sister went to college, and that was really sad, but I guess I'm okay. I still don't have much of a social life. I go skiing with my friends, but winter weather is pretty much over. I hang out with one of my neighbors and sometimes I go over my friends house or go to her parties. But I'm fine with that. I don't want much else. I wish I didn't suck so hard at BC though.</p>
<p>Haha, when I was little? I actually had a semblance of intelligence left then.</p>
<p>I can remember myself when I was little ( currently a junior in high school), and I'm sure there are still similarities with myself now. Many have said Chris ( referring to myself) is picky, large imagenation, etc... I guess trying to describe in a few words won't do.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I felt that I just not smart or not good as this other group of "talented" kids. Also, when I was in the first day of elementary school, this teacher told me that I suck at math. How can someone judge a 6 yrs old kid that fast? I don't know.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It's moments like that that make me start to question the gifted and talented program. When I tested into the program in first grade I was told I was exceptionally brilliant at math, scoring at a fifth or sixth grade level. Now, it's my worse subject. I don't think your performance in elementary school [normally] says too much. I think it just determines how you'll do then. </p>
<p>I've yet to do too much research on it, but I think they should implement the GT programs half way through middle school and continue them into high school instead. High school is where everyone really starts becoming bored. AP and Honors are great, but I think there needs to be more stimulation than that for many students. (Don't get me wrong though, I believe some students really do benifit from the elementary level programs, but they need to be less stressed in comparison with programs for the older students.)</p>
<p>i remember i was REALLY smart when i was little, b/c my dad would force me to do all of these math books non-stop. & it was very beneficial...for a while. now i suck at math. this was up until around middle school btw.</p>
<p>then, during this time, i became semi-depressed about sucking at school & not really being particularly good at anything. [weird that this came up in the thread b4. i thought i was just me...]. yeah, i guess i still somewhat of a loner, LOL. but i'm okay with that :)</p>
<p>I'm pretty disappointed now after hearing about all of these talented/gifted programs. My parents knew I was intelligent from a very young age. I started pre-school when I was a year and a half old. So I had to attend preschool for an extra two years or else I'd be "ahead," which my parents didn't want. Even after that, my parents never bothered placing me at a specialized school, or getting an IQ test, or anything like that. To make matters worse, my school system has no gifted programs before high school. So instead, I would have to go in the hall and do workbook problems with a few other students while the teacher taught the actual lesson to the class. I feel like I might have been a different person or at least have a different outlook on things. Sometimes I feel like I've grown less intelligent over the years...</p>
<p>Anyways, I was always a generally intelligent, artistic, and introverted person; I've just showcased different sides of me at different times : ) I think thats almost true for everyone, that you retain a bit of your childhood self as you grow up.</p>
<p>ummm. well i liked to play basketball. i liked to watched people play video games but i didn't like to play them until i turned 11. most of the time i sat outside and played with bugs. ants and slugs and whatever i could find. i usually tried to help them by giving them sugar and building up their defenses. but sometimes i was mean. salt on slugs. gasoline + matches on ants. i used the lighter fluid my dad had for the grill :). flooding their nests. pitting different bug creatures against each other. OH and spiders. i love spiders. i would pick them up and hold them in my hand. they didn't poison me a lot 'cause i was gentle with them. I RESPECTED THEM. their webs were so cool i'd watch them build. my neighbor gave me a bug kit and my parents bought me bug books and god damnit i was going to become a bug-catcher when i grew up. one time my babysitter sent me upstairs for something to sleep. so i slept in the top bunk and on the ceiling there were bunches of baby spiders that had just hatched and i popped all of them with my finger. i covered the stains with those glow in the dark stars. </p>
<p>i made fire with my magnifying glass a lot. and drew with chalk on the driveway while my grandma watched. played soccer/baseball/etc. i think everyone does this. </p>
<p>my grandma and my mom read a lot of books. popular fiction, mostly horror. so my grandma had a bunch of stephen king books like IT and i explored them sometimes. that was fun. i couldn't really read them very well 'cause i was young. i read The Shining pretty early on and that was really scary but i read it again later and it's not so bad now. i wasn't in any of the gifted **** because i suck at standardized tests so i got the shaft from ms. tianello. whatever - she's a whore and everyone should know it. but i still had the biggest head and people called me Big Head mainly my brother and his friends. anthony was one of his friends and he smelled like dog **** and dried spit. we ate a lot of pizza together. DJ's fingers were mussed up. </p>
<p>ooh yeah in 3rd grade the fad was to act gay because it was funny but i took it too far and didn't stop till the year ended and i remember losing friends 'cause of that. it sucked but it was fun. my teacher Ms. A left me this note in my 6th grade yearbook: "You're the most positive kid I've ever had in detention!" because i was. </p>
<p>we could all write a lot about ourselves but maybe some writing excerpts i found from my younger days will be more helpful: </p>
<p>from when i was 12 or 13: "I think it would be fun to be any animal I wanted. If I were able to choose it would have to be a Blue Whale. This is for several reasons, one would be because they are really big, the biggest animals on earth. They can also swim underwater for a long time and that would be fun. Some things that wouldnt be fun is if you got shot be a torpedo and you bled to death and eventually washed up on a beach. Then millions of scavenging sea gulls would land on you and rip apart your flesh. After about 5 days there would be a pile of bones and two eyeballs, all that is left of your whole life." </p>
<p>here's something at 9 or 10, minus the lovely illustrations: "Once there was a vampire that was 10 years old. He was the only vampire on Earth and he loved Earth because it was full of blood. He had sucked 3,000,000 gallons of blood. He was a bat during the day. I didn't know this until one day when I went into a cave and saw his red eyes. He saw me and he bit me! I screamed! Someone heard me and when they found me the ground was red with blood. When I had fallen my molars had popped out. I was taken to the emergency room where they cut my throat open. It was gross. I did not turn into a vampire and when I got home the vampire was still sucking blood. People were leaving, but not all of them. 5 years have pasted and there are now 7 vampires. The vampires kept going to one street to feed on. It was 5 miles long and the street was being torn down. One by one the people were leaving but not us. </p>
<p>The vampires were feeding on the workers that were tearing down the road. WIth all the workers gone the road is too bumpy that we can't get out if we wanted to. We are still stuck, we the people are are still alive. Last night he struck again so there are only 15 people on the street now. We are the only ones that don't want to leave because we don't have the money to move. </p>
<p>When there were only 10 people on the street I was reading a horror book when I heard a scream. It was someone being bit. Now there are 8 people left. </p>
<p>People are locking their doors and windows but the vampire still gets in their houses. Now there are 6 people on the street! Now there are 4 people on the street! Now there are 2 people on the street! Now I am the only one on the street and I have to save my family. </p>
<p>My parents went to a party so I went outside. I saw him and he was a bat. I got a bucket and I caught him! I put a lod on the bucket and hid him so my parents wouldn't freak out.</p>
<p>I hid him in the furnace so he couldn't get out. When my parents came home I heard them talking about moving in a week so I decided I would kill him tomorrow afternoon. I went to the basement where I got a shovel and hit him in the stomach. He was still alive so I hit even harder. I did it very very hard but it still didn't work. I took a knife and stuck it in his heart. Then I heard my mom coming down so I had to get rid of the dead body. I hid it in the furnace and turned it on. </p>
<p>After my mom left, I remembered that there were more vampires to kill so I went outside and after 4 hours I found their cave. I put them in a barrel and covered it. Then I dropped them in the river where they drowned. Then there were no more vampires... I thought..."</p>
<p>anyways i just wrote this stuff for the lulz i was really nice i just liked to think about bad stuff because it was funny. i got better in middle school and had more friends but i kept to myself mostly maybe just not on the surface level. i started to read carl sagan then i got better at normal stuff now i'm here!</p>
<p>the vampire story is one for the ages</p>
<p>^ Oh yes, an automatic classic. :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
When there were only 10 people on the street I was reading a horror book when I heard a scream. It was someone being bit. Now there are 8 people left.
[/quote]
strong logic.</p>
<p>
[quote]
People are locking their doors and windows but the vampire still gets in their houses. Now there are 6 people on the street! Now there are 4 people on the street! Now there are 2 people on the street! Now I am the only one on the street and I have to save my family.
[/quote]
...anddd even stronger.</p>
<p>I was an annoying little kid. I'm slightly better now. =]</p>
<p>I've also always liked to play with boys. The same still stands.</p>
<p>^ Do you mean that in the context it sounds like, or in a more innocent tone?</p>
<p>It's like a Brave New World</p>
<p>Uhg. Still haven't gotten a chance to read that.</p>
<p>i blocked out most of my childhood(it was pretty lonely and upsetting) but my mom and other people tell me stories about how i used to be... a lot were baby stories, adn apparently i was quite an obnoxious little tot. not many of my babysitters were permanent(and its not cause i threw tantrums..apparently i would play practical jokes on them) </p>
<p>when i was a kid, i can't really remember much besides a few memories here and there..and then again, i only remember that stuff through photos.</p>
<p>I function sort of like a sin wave. I was relatively introverted during elementary school. I was probably the original Harry Potter fan, and thanks to the convenience of my two red headed best friends, I fancied myself Lee Jordan.
By middle school, I stood over most of my peers at 5’2" and gained some popularity by playing basketball for the school team and proving skilled at most other sports. I took GT for granted at the time and usually sought out idiotic blonds for my one week relationships.
I’m a junior now and at 6’3" literally a bigger person than I was in middle school. I’d say there’s a difference between AP nerd me and my sophomoric middle school self; I appreciate intelligence in women and aren’t as social as I was when I was younger.</p>
<p>I don’t remember anything from before I was 5. But from what I can tell, I was more happy then I ever could be now.
After 5, I went to a public elem school like 90% of the rest of america does. I was relatively smart, got the best marks in our grade on getting in the gates program (and our school was one of the best in the district, the district is one of the best in the nation. so it was quite a feat for my mom.) i was a chess champion, got my written work read every year in author of the month, was doing fairly well in violin, etc. i believe i was a bit arrogant but for the most part I was friends with everyone.
Then I moved to an entirely different world where education isn’t education but a sort of mimicry of teacher’s wants and needs, and the people aren’t genuine enough to be loved by anyone other than their kind. And I’m still here.
The depression bodes well for my neurotic outlook on life, albeit the happiness I’ve yet to ever regain from such a change.</p>