I think it would depend on what meal was originally planned, and what the person’s restrictions are. If you have a conversation with the guest, you can figure it out with them. They might be happy with some very simple alternative or with bringing their own food.
My husband would be happy to bring his own food to events if he had that conversation with the host beforehand and it made the most sense. But he wouldn’t just spontaneously bring his own food if he hadn’t already talked with the host about it, because that would feel awkward and rude. In that case he would rather make up a story and not eat the dinner. Social situations are not always easy for everyone to navigate…
I don’t prepare more than one entree, and I don’t ask about allergies, restrictions, etc. When I am a guest, I enjoy what I can and pass on anything I don’t. I expect others to do the same.
I usually only have one entree (working around restrictions I am aware of), maybe more if the group is big. But I always have plenty of “other stuff” (salad, vegetables, rolls or bread, maybe potatoes, leftover appetizer items) too. Now if there is ever a guest who is vegetarian and GF, they will have to tell me or be happy with limited options. If they are dairy free too, then my typical choice of baked dessert and/or ice cream offering will also be a flop.
I usually tell people what I am preparing. It does give them opportunities to tell me if there might be issues. By the way I have made Beef and Guinness Stew before and it is delicious. I served mine with garlic mashed potatoes and peas. Enjoy!
But not everyone can do that – for a lot of people, they would not be eating anything at all if the host expected them to just sit down and dig in as if they have no issues.
Sure, if I am involved in the occasion, but not if it’s just him going over to a friend’s house (for example) and I don’t know the details in advance… I just hear about it later on.
The stew sounds delicious (and now I might be making it soon), but it does have somewhat hidden gluten. My daughter (celiac) just went to a Friendsgiving (at her brother’s house, he lives with friends), and believes she was glutened even though it appeared the food was gf (turkey, potatoes, Brussel sprouts, sweet potato casserole…). She took the risk and didn’t ask, so no fault but her own. She was diagnosed this year, her sister diagnosed 13 years ago, so one is better than the other about knowing what and what not to eat (and be wary about flour being used as a thickener, I sub gf flour or corn starch).
@sevmom, for 1 of 10, I probably wouldn’t change an entree.
But if it’s a couple of folks, quite likely, yes. In most cases, this means pivoting to something vegetables. Or it means serving something so the ",offending " ingredient can be added by the diner.
With that said, I once had a previous roommate as a guest whose list was quite extensive (and all new since we’dshared digs), kosher, no xyz, etc . I made a stab at accommodation and said “We’re having abc, and I hope you can enjoy that with us. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be welcome to your own spot on the grill.”
Personally, I want my guests to feel welcome. And I think that if you have restrictions, particularly for health reasons, you need to be prepared to take care of yourself if your host gets it wrong.
Anyone who would find themselves in a situation where they might not be able to eat anything at all knows who they are and either asks ahead of time so they can bring something with them or doesn’t accept many dinner invitations. I don’t concern myself with this issue, but I’ve also never encountered it.
I’m vegan and it can be hard to navigate because I know a lot of people that do not like others bringing dishes. I also do NOT want people to do extra work for me. I would be totally fine with a green salad without dressing—truly—but some people may add cheese or whatever to it, and it would be so rude not to be able to eat even one thing.
And I know a lot of people with gluten sensitivity or celiac, for ex ,as well as so many other restrictions or prefs.
So I don’t understand why everyone wouldn’t just say: does anyone have any dietary preferences? That opens the conversation, and then I can say that I would love to bring something. And if there are no preferences, then great!
Also, hosted dinners for me are more about getting together with people. I don’t need to have a big entree etc to enjoy the company of friends. That’s why a simple salad would be wonderful for me. My diet is my choice and I do NOT need a host to learn how to make a big vegan meal, I would never want that. It’s just conveying that which can be challenging, given the different styles of hosting.
Not usually (unless they ask), but I do always ask about any food allergies/sensitivities ahead of time. I have a friend who has a few random allergies (pistachios, but all other nuts are fine, for example). I always ask her to remind me in advance as I’m doing my meal planning. Generally, it is easy enough to omit or swap out a contentious ingredient.
While I do think the onus of taking care of oneself wrt food allergies/preferences is largely on the person in question…as a host, I would feel terrible if someone was unable to enjoy a meal I prepared because I didn’t bother to ask.
If we don’t know the dietary restrictions of a new guest we ask if there is anything they cannot/won’t eat. We might even ask if the general category of the main dish - beef, fish, etc. - is fine with them.
We usually just have another couple join us for dinner. If we throw a larger soiree we normally serve buffet style with several different options so just about anyone will be happy.
Sometimes a guest will ask what we are serving if they are planning to bring wine.
OOh this thread is a flashback moment for me!!! Way back when, we had friends over for dinner and I made a chicken in white wine with tarragon sauce as the main course. Well… the friend doesn’t eat tarragon! Who knew? We figured something out and she ate mostly salad and the side dishes but it was awkward.
The biggest PITA was when we hosted a particular family for thanksgiving (which was several times). They have all sorts of peculiar food restrictions (which have since gotten more challenging). The wife is gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian and wants to avoid all artificial anything (and when she cooks for herself and guests she uses some unprocessed sugar, etc). One of her daughters is vegetarian, and her MIL was kosher. Add to that one of my sons who is allergic to some nuts, a DIL who is vegetarian and another DIL who doesn’t eat cinnamon/nutmeg/cloves. When we hosted Thanksgiving with all of them one year, I had to have color coded signs in front of each dish for what was what: Gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian, sugar free, vegan etc. We left out all nuts and cinnamon/pumpkin spice stuff. It was a royal PITA. And that family asked me if I was serving a kosher turkey. I did actually look for one but couldn’t find one big enough for the whole crowd, I don’t have a double oven so couldn’t cook two, and the kosher turkeys are VERY expensive and typically very dry and salty. So I had to ask her to please bring a kosher turkey breast for her MIL. That year they were late on top of it all (so food was getting cold) and the next year the MIL didn’t even come at the last minute (and they didn’t tell me until they got here that she wasn’t coming), despite having some kosher stuff for her! The daughter who is vegan (and I think dairy free too) would always bring some homemade pumpkin pie that was runny, but she ate it.
One year we hosted a large party at a beautiful setting and had an RSVP card for them to choose their meal preference (Chicken confit or salmon with shrimp and grits). I did ask them to let us know if they had any dietary restrictions. One friend interpreted that as asking them to make her a special plate with the salmon without the shrimp and grits (she wasn’t allergic to shrimp, she just didn’t care for shrimp and grits). We were able to accommodate her request, but I thought to myself (if its just a preference, why not just pick the other food choice rather than have to try to make a special plate for her??)
I’ve been a vegetarian most of my life. My H for the last 10 years. With family we always bring our own vegetarian entree or just eat the sides etc.
My kids will gladly eat vegetarian. A few years ago we had our Memorial Day get together and decided to make it vegetarian. Why not? Every family event we go to is meat based and we bring our own food. Everyone but my nephew, who was 21 at the time, was fine with it. He refused to eat anything .
I agree… and I think it’s also the case that the “guy” factor is part of the reason my husband is not comfortable bringing up food restrictions unless specifically asked.
Now that I think of it, I know another guy that I had invited to join us for dinner, and I only found out after asking the question that he was diabetic and celiac. He would not have said anything about it, until I specifically asked about food restrictions. Maybe it’s a “guy” thing…
No, but I’ll tell you what… I had a young couple to dinner last Thursday. I put an enormous amount of time and effort into preparing a meatless meal (she’s vegetarian), only to find she’s also gluten and dairy intolerant. I’m not sure if that’s her responsibility to tell me, or if I should have asked 'any allergies?"! Back in my day, we ate what was served - no guests vetting the menu ahead of time
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