My grandfather always said, “God saved those who save themselves.” That said, I always ask about dietary preferences or restrictions. People who don’t respond will have to rely on god or pick at lettuce. 
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Wow, @momo2x2018 , that’s rough. Did she not eat any of the nice vegetarian meal you prepared then?
I had a friend over for tea about a year ago. She had normally eaten muffins, doughnuts, etc. before. She had recently gone gluten free but didn’t tell me( and she knows I always serve something to eat when coming over for tea). She heard a podcast about going gluten free helping with joint issues and decided to try it. Luckily, I had only made an iced lemon pound cake from Krusteaz so not tons of effort like you made. But obviously would not have made it had I known this. I could not figure out why she was only eating some mixed berries and not touching the pound cake until she mentioned she had gone gluten free(well into our visit!).
Nothing, except the salad! I didn’t know what to do with zero notice (food was on the table!).
She didn’t make a fuss and was very ‘understanding’ but I felt awkward 
And if you can’t eat what is served, you make polite conversation and note not to accept a dinner invite to my house again.
You guys are all so much nicer than I am. I don’t pander to anyone’s diet peculiarities. Well, I do have a friend who hates olives, so we serve her Manhattans instead of martinis.
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Those of us who can make all of our food choices just based on our food PREFERENCES should be posting in the gratitude thread that we are grateful that our overall health and physical status is not affected by food ingredients.
There are many people who are not so fortunate.
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We have a number of family members with celiac‘s disease and severe food allergies. (think anaphylactic shock in the hospital type severity) as such, I always ask about food, allergies, and I am very very careful about what I serve. I also save all the labels, so they can be reviewed as often as there are hidden sources of gluten.
What makes me insane? the people in our circle who go with the fads and have different preferences at each visit and don’t communicate them in advance, even when asked. No, I am not going to run to the market a hour before dinner because now you tell me you won’t eat anything with tomatoes.
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Yes, @momofboiler1 , it would have been very helpful if my friend had communicated that she was now gluten free when accepting an invitation to come over for tea. I would have been happy to figure out a gluten free alternative to the pound cake, had I known.
I AM grateful that I have no known food allergies . Neither does husband or sons (or son’s wife). It does make it easier .
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My sister is GF, dairy free and avoids fish. But she never wants hosts to fuss over her. If she flies in, she does a quick grocery store stop to have some supplemental foods to go along with whatever (and she is always fine with just a salad). I still do of course try to steer menus toward her limitations, but I do appreciate her easygoing attitude. Another relative makes it a woe-is-me big deal about how troublesome it is to host her… sigh.
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I am aware of the fam’s restrictions – none – so I don’t ask anymore. If someone new to us is making a debut, I’ll ask if there are any.
I usually give highlights – “Lasagna and salad”. Then surprise them with cheesy garlic bread, milkshakes/malts, etc.
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My daughter has had a horrible couple of years trying to navigate food allergies. She gets a rash all over her face and chest when she eats one of her triggers. She’s had extensive allergy testing done and is currently off wheat, corn, soy, tomatoes, peas, and shellfish.
She’s right now not planning to come home for Thanksgiving. I told her if she changes her mind, she’d better give me a heads up because I’m not doing an allergy free meal if she won’t be here.
Do you know how many things have hidden wheat, corn starch, corn syrup, corn oil, soy lectin, pea protein, etc…? All the things.
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So things like squash, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, asparagus casserole could be okay? I guess I’d be checking the Campbell’s Cream of Chicken/Mushroom/Celery ingredients lists for Soy and Wheat, but aside from that I’d think there could be some scrumptious vittles available to her at a Thanksgiving spread. And Turkey of course. Maybe try making the gravy with a non-wheat flour? (is that a thing? I’ve never had to try)
I think all dinner guests are appreciative enough of the invitation and have enough class to make do with whatever is served that they can eat.
We often have only two people over for dinner. If I spent all day making my famous lasagne and homemade Caesar salad dressing with stuffed mushrooms for an appetizer, I would be very, very disappointed if one of my guests was lactose intolerant and couldn’t eat anything–regardless of his/her gracious/go-with-the-flow etiquette.
Unless I am having a large party, where presumably there would be a variety of options, I always ask–if only for my own self interest.
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That must be difficult to deal with in the US, where corn is almost everywhere in the food supply, but allergy is not common enough for it to be labeled as a cross contaminant.
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Green bean casserole and any cream of soup is out, I buy dry packets of gluten free gravy mix.
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Would you be upset with the guest?
Never.
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so that still leaves squash/sweet potatoes (yummy orange mushy stuff…), mashed potatoes, cranberry relish, turkey. That’s still a full plate. (well, my plate would be full. hehe)
Even if you asked and they did not tell you they were lactose intolerant? And then you made your famous lasagne! We need your recipe!
I am also guessing that some of the “guests eat what I serve and that’s that” posters might be entertaining guests in a more monocultural environment, where there is general agreement on what foods constitute a normal dinner / supper, luncheon, brunch etc.?
For my grandmother (for example), a normal “supper” consisted of a meat entree, a starchy side like potato, a more vegetabley side like beans, some bread and butter, a basic salad (like lettuce and cherry tomato), and some kind of dessert (could be as simple as a cookie). If guests were coming over and she was preparing this kind of meal, she wouldn’t discuss the menu with the guests, because it was known beforehand that this is what “supper” meant. Guests in her social group knew what to expect for “supper”, so a vegetarian guest (for example) could expect to at least have side dishes to eat, and if they had such severe restrictions that the usual “supper” would not work, they could discuss it with her beforehand.
If on the other hand my grandmother was getting fancy in the kitchen and cooking something like a souffle or something really out there like Chinese food, she would mention it to the guests beforehand to be sure they were comfortable eating it.
In both cases my grandmother and her guests could rely on a very strong set of cultural assumptions to guide expectations about what hosts were likely to serve, and what guests were willing and able to eat.
In my generation / social circle, however, we don’t have the same level of shared assumptions about what’s normally eaten at each meal. “Guests eat what they are served” doesn’t work quite as well when you can’t rely on shared cultural assumptions.
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We had some of my DH’s work associates over and fortunately found out in advance that one couldn’t do cheese. Good thing I found out ahead as almost all my appetizer recipes have cheese.
And my dad was allergic to corn… Made for lots of reading boxes, labels and cans.
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