Do you think that this will make a good common app essay?

<p>I'm choosing choice one: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you".
I'm planning to write about how when I 1st moved to where I currently live (7th grade) I was really embarassed to talk about what my parents did for a living and where I lived. (My mother worked at McDonalds, Taco Bell, Factories..et al, and my dad is a salesman..and I live in the ghettos of my town. However, I live in a rich town so I was really embarassed and blah blah to talk about that since most people live in 500,000+ houses and parents are doctors, dentists, et al)
So, do you think that that would make a good essay? Or am I over-doing my poorness, since in the "favorite EC" section I plan to write about my job b/c there I finally realized what my mother really had to go through, and ever since then I've been really focused on my studies since I don't want the same kind of lifestyle.
And lastly, after giving your opinions, would you like to read my essay, which will be done in about a week? : )
Thanks.</p>

<p>It could work, however, you have to walk the fine line of pity. You can't possibily steer completely away from it with that topic but you can try to minimize it.</p>

<p>Mentioning the fact that you were embarassed by your parents' jobs may not be the best approach to take... I would probably just put a really big emphasis on how much you admire your parents for working so hard at those jobs just to keep food on the table. If you make your essay come across the way I just mentioned, I think it will keep your character in tact while getting your story across to the admissions people.</p>