<p>I must admit, my two older kids are VERY lucky. As the only grandchildren on their dad's side, they have a small education trust fund to use for college expenses. It isn't enough to pay for an ivy, but enough that even out-of-state status at a state school would be covered. My S decided on the Navy and a good CC vocational program, so he didn't use this fund. My older D HAS, and just finished her first year in a small in-state college in her dad's state.</p>
<p>He covered it all, but she wants to transfer to a larger state college out of state, but still close by. Her first semester grades were A's and B's, second semester, not so good. D's father is now saying he will not pay for the transfer school, and if D wants to go there, she has to get her own loans and he will make the payments IF she gets "good enough" grades. </p>
<p>He's put her in a no-win situation, because chances of her getting loans at this late dates, with his high income AND the trust are pretty low, aren't they? I should mention that D is an "older" student of 22, because she took some time off to decide what to study. He's making it that her only option is to go back to the school she was LEAVING, and that seems like taking her education out of her hands. </p>
<p>Thoughts? I have no say in this-he's the one with the money and the strings.</p>
<p>Your daughter is asking for payment as an OUT OF STATE student. Unless this is some special arrangement…the costs of attending the OOS public are likely MUCH higher than her current school. Is it possible that the increased COSTS are the issue? I wonder if the increased costs of attending an OOS public are really the issue. I know that many parents would not be thrilled if their kids went to an instate public and then decided they wanted to transfer to an OOS at substantially increased costs…and then expected the parents to pick up the tab. </p>
<p>I did NOT tie grades to financial support for my kids except that they both knew that if they lost their merit awards they would be coming HOME…period.</p>
<p>On this one…I have to say…my guess is the increased costs are the issue.</p>
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<p>Actually if he’s willing to cosign a loan…his high income will actually make it EASIER for her to take out loans. I have to say…I would NOT advocate taking out loans in excess of the Stafford loans. Your daughter would be able to get a $6500 Stafford in her name only as a sophomore in college just by having you (the custodial parent) complete the FAFSA. </p>
<p>Getting loans is improved by having more income/assets. It doesn’t make getting a lot of loans a smart thing to do.</p>
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<p>So what is the problem if the trust has enough money in it for her to attend an OOS public university? Her dad would NOT need to pay a nickel if this is the case.</p>
<p>Why does this daughter need to transfer to a more costly school?</p>
<p>Honestly I would say it depends on the situation, in your D’s case I am not sure her Dad is wrong. If your D did not obtain passing grades, at most schools “Ds” do not receive credit, why would he spend money on OOS tuition?</p>
<p>That likes saying to my D you wrecked you 2005 Chevy, let me buy you a 2010 Toyota!!!</p>
<p>I dont even know what my daughter’s grades ARE. I assume they are good since she has scholarships tied to her grades and I’ve never heard her mention them being a problem. But, I have a younger one who I want to go to college and she’s not the student her sister is and I will NOT tie grades to financial support. I’m thinking she’ll do well once she hits the classes in her major. Other than that, she will do well if she likes the prof. She’s not very grade motivated, more of a people person, and I want her to get a degree.</p>
the trust is not in the kids’ names, it’s in the ex’s name, but somehow tied only to education.
D is transferring for 2 reasons: a) the college she’s at has a general management program, she wants to major in HOSPITALITY management, which is at this school. She’s also looking at culinary arts at a CC as a backup. There is a chance she would be able to pay in-state tuition under the program New England has if a school in your state doesn’t offer the exact same program. We’re checking into that. b)She had a medical emergency last winter and had to take the one bus to the ER because the one cab was busy. It wasn’t life-threatening, so no ambulance, but she no longer feels ok with living in such an isolated area.
No D’s, we’re talking some C’s vs. all A’s and B’s in the fall. Also no merit awards. They just paid from the fund.
Ex has not said that he hasn’t got enough to cover costs. He was on board with the transfer until final grades came in, having never said once before that he wanted grades to be at a certain level.
He will not consign a loan.
She is 22, no one is a custodial parent, although she lived with him all of last year because it was only an hour from the college. I am on the other coast.</p>
<p>I’ve gotten some good advice from a friend who works in college admissions. I am passing that onto her.</p>
<p>Good luck–nice there is a trust fund to work with. Sometimes transfers are competitive, so she may not even be accepted if she doesn’t get a certain GPA & this whole issue could be moot. </p>
<p>Our S had significant merit money tied to maintaining at least a 3.0; he exceeded that every term & was never even close to it. Our D has not been as consistent in her grades, but we have never conditioned our financial support on the grades or other achievements of either.</p>
<p>We have friends who did condition continued support for OOS U on achieving & maintaining a certain GPA. When their S didn’t meet it, they had a long talk & set up a contract with him. When he failed to meet it again, he had to switch to CC. It has worked well for him & them.</p>
<p>All families are different & have to decide what works/doesn’t work for them.</p>
<p>Also, some random thoughts:
By the way, what happens to trust if/when it runs out? How will ed expenses in excess be met? What happens if/when the kids are done with their education & there are remaining funds/assets? Can your S’s unused assets be used for D? Can he use his assets later, if he wants to get more ed than is covered by military? How long are trusts to last? Just curious and perhaps it might be good to have clarity on those issues (not to me & the thread, just for the beneficiaries & trustee & perhaps you, as one of the parents of the kids).</p>
<p>HImom, some answers, though I don’t know all the specifics. S is now 27, working in a field where he is in high demand and making very good money. He has no plans to go back to school. The fund is for them both, a combined amount, so yes, D can use what S did not. I have no idea if it has an expiration date. I do know it can only be used for school or school-related expenses.</p>
<p>I recall my ex saying if the fund ran out D would need to apply for loans like everyone else, though he would pay a good chunk out of pocket-he makes good money. </p>
<p>My ex isn’t speaking to me right now beyond the basics regarding air travel for D or insurance, etc. He’s been miffed for the last 9 months after I called him out for making unsavory remarks about D’s minority friends. I’m lucky I know what I know at this point.</p>
<p>Well, it’s nice that there is this trust fund. Hopefully your D can work harder next term to make her application(s) and options more desirable. </p>
<p>One thought is to see what GPAs most merit awards at her Us are requiring for keeping merit aid as perhaps a marker/yardstick for your D to consider in measuring her progress and if your ex plans to stick with starting some GPA requirement for funding. Many, many merit awards DO have some minimum GPA requirement, but one C & some As & Bs does not sound too awful. A 3.0 cummulative GPA requirement & satisfactory progress toward degree is what many of the USoCal merit awards require. UAz required a higher GPA, as did a few other Us.</p>
<p>Can your D shadow someone in hospitality management and/or culinary arts this summer, so she has a better idea of what these programs entail and what the jobs looks like? My brother thought hospitality would be great fun & majored in it but hated the real world conditions he found–working weekends, nights, weekends, holidays, etc., as well as covering shifts when his employees didn’t show up, etc.; he ended up having to go back to school to get a law degree (I learned that by working as a switchboard operator the summer I was 14.) </p>
<p>She could also get a summer or part time job in food service to get a better idea about culinary arts & some of what is involved in that. Perhaps if her dad sees whether or not she’s serious about it & SHE figures out if it is a true calling, both might see things more clearly and she might be more focused.</p>
<p>My own answer is absolutely not. Our goal is to get them educated and graduated. Though we firmly believe the skills and focus that bring great grades are also critical in life, there are many points in this stage where kids can stumble. Many challenges they have to grow through. D2’s grades aren’t great, but I look at her personal and intellectual growth and am proud she’s trying.</p>
<p>If your D is 22 and is only just getting started, is there anything else that makes the ex leery she’s focusing enough and making good decisions? Is there some sense she isn’t trying, is flittering, that transferring is just another wild idea to delay responsibilities? Was she productive when she “took some time off to decide what to study?” IMO, all these need to be considered.</p>
<p>I believe that anyone who says that they do not tie grades to their financial support is lying to themselves.</p>
<p>We expect our kids to do reasonably well and to earn reasonable grades. “Reasonable” certainly could mean something different for different kids and for different families, but I can’t believe that any family is going to happily continue to support a private school or out of state tuition/room/board for a generally problem free kid who “earned” , for example, a 1.5 GPA.</p>
<p>Under highly underperforming circumstances, we would withdraw our support until something changed.</p>
<p>This is a more extreme example than the circumstances given by the OP, but we do know a kid who went to an expensive university on a GPA based scholarship, earned a 1.5 GPA the first semester, did slightly better, but not good enough to dig himself out of academic probationthe second semester, and thus will be at home attending a community college in the fall. I think his parents’ response to that spectacular flameout was reasonable. He didn’t have any kind of an excuse for the grades.</p>
<p>^ that was in the back of my mind, sure. There are cases where other issues cloud the academics, where you worry about their motivation, maturity, or tougher problems. But, that’s different than having a bad semester, getting a C or two, struggling through some gen eds, etc. Parents have to look at their kids’ bigger picture, see if it’s a glitch or a pattern. Whether the kid is growing or avoiding growing.</p>
<p>I may have given an extreme example, but it was a true example. </p>
<p>And I believe most parents would realistically withdraw monetary support under circumstances where their kids are substantially underperforming for no good reason.</p>
<p>We never told our kids that our support was contingent on successful progress, though they knew it was. We told them going in how much we could invest in their educations, which was based on 8 semesters at the schools they attended, and they did the math themselves. We did not set any minimum other than what the schools imposed, and never checked their transcripts. We know they did well because they told us, and because the schools sent us notice periodically for awards or designations.</p>
<p>Of course it’s important to pay attention to all the variables - major, possible change of major, issues beyond the kid’s control at the school (some pretty decent schools can’t get a majority of kids through in 8 semesters). Physical and mental health issues are more important than making satisfactory progress toward a degree and have to be tended to first. </p>
<p>We tell ourselves all the time how lucky we were that our kids got through in 4 years, and performed well. Some kids aren’t ready for the demands of a 4-year college and would profit from time elsewhere first - a job, volunteer service, CC.</p>
<p>For FINANCIAL AID PURPOSES…if your daughter completes a FAFSA she will need to use her DAD as the custodial parent because she resided with him most of the year. For financial aid FAFSA purposes, she will list the custodial parent…who is the parent she resided with the MOST for the year…on the FAFSA form until the year she turns 24…those are the rules. Being 22 does not change them. Having you someplace else doesn’t change the rules. How you do your taxes doesn’t change this rule. It’s who she lived with the MOST during the year. Sounds like that is your former husband.</p>
<p>Having said ALL of that…when you check the state reciprocity agreements, make sure they apply to the offspring of divorced kids. It sounds like your daughter is a resident of your former husband’s state because she is the child of a divorced parent residing in that state. It may very well be that OTHER STATES don’t honor that.</p>
<p>In any event…your daughter would qualify for a $6500 student loan if her FATHER completes the FAFSA (since for financial aid purposes, he is the custodial parent now). The FAFSA only requires info from the custodial parent (and spouse if there is one). The other divorced parent’s info is NOT entered on that form.</p>
<p>If you have other questions about financial aid, I would suggest you post them in the financial aid forum. There are many folks there who are well versed in that process.</p>
<p>Our kids have always been told that we expect them to do their best. What grade that specifically results in is not relevant. Having said that, they’re smart enough that their best effort should result in good grades and they also know that. </p>
<p>My 8th grade DD, accelerated in math, just got a ‘C’ in Geometry because she did not put forth her best effort (skipped assignments etc). She now owes us $2000 we put up for her class trip to NYC/DC that was contingent upon her best effort criteria. She is going to be working for us this summer to pay that off.</p>