<p>straightshooter, some of those parents with thousands of posts spend a lot of time helping others with college questions, especially about financial aid. Some of us hang out here for the community; there are many discussions other than college going on. If you find helping others with their questions over involved, or are offended by discussions of common interests, too bad.</p>
<p>I’ve had 3 kids going through this process and have learned a lot here.</p>
<p>I believe that the helicoptor hovers closer for some parents than others :)</p>
<p>When my first child was applying to colleges as a Musical Theatre major her focus had to be on her essays and auditions. She not only had to be accepted to the college but also to the MT program, so she applied to 12 schools. My second daughter was a STEM standout applying to 16 colleges (her choice) and with her senior course load on top of all those essays she was quite busy. My husband and I were their Administrative Assistants. We helped track deadlines and helped fill in the completely objective forms (name, address, class schedule, etc.) We all learned a tremendous amount about the application process and all ended well for both girls. D1 is graduated with a BFA in Musical Theatre and now entertains at Disneyworld. D2 is a Sophomore at MIT. They did everything to get where they are now. We just helped pave the path a little bit.</p>
<p>I find it odd that some don’t realize that every kid is different.
I also find it odd that people find it odd if others don’t do what they did.</p>
<p>It’s different for each kid, isn’t it? I’m sure H and I seemed downright negligent to the guidance office at D1’s high school. We were not part of her meetings with her counselor and I never saw her applications. She even attended most of her accepted students visits alone. This was her choice and she thanked us for respecting it. It wasn’t easy and I spent much of that year with a sick anxious feeling in my stomach but respect it I did.</p>
<p>Then came D2 who had no idea what she wanted. She needed and wanted a lot more guidance. The whole process was a big daunting mess for her. Luckily, she also bonded with the guidance counselor assigned to her and spent many a free period hanging out in that poor woman’s office. Point is that she really needed a lot more adult support to figure out where to apply and how to apply. I tended to be the person behind the scenes but I did a lot of coaching, reading, suggesting, nagging, and cheerleading. Compared to the absolute lack of interest my own parents showed during my own high school years and the minimal involvement I’d had with D1, this was huge, huge involvement. </p>
<p>I have no idea how D3 will approach the process when it’s her turn. (I’m kind of hoping I can turn some of it over to one of the older siblings.)</p>
<p>I did this whole entire process myself, right down to filling out CSS and FAFSA (the second time because the woman we hired to help us didn’t even do it right. It just helped me prove that the only way to get things done right is to do them myself). </p>
<p>It’s not like my dad didn’t have an interest in helping me with college applications and things like that, it’s just that since he’s a single parent with three jobs, things get difficult. He took me on college visits and gave me his opinion on every school we visited. His opinions give me some things to think about, which did help me through this process.</p>
<p>I would’ve loved to have some sort of support, though. But, I guess one can say that I’m not like the typical high school senior. I’ve been researching colleges and everything that goes along with it since my sophomore year. I run a college admissions blog, for crying out loud. My guidance office has literally put my name on the office as the “student representative.” I’m an actual resource for the students at my school. I’ve worked really hard to figure all of these things out.</p>
<p>I think that the helicopter parents mean well. I’ve learned a lot from the people here on CC. I can’t imagine my life as one of their children (nor do I really want to…I get hard enough on myself when I don’t pass a test with flying colors as it is), but I really appreciate their support over the past year or so.</p>
<p>Someday, in the very, VERY far off future when I have a child or children, I plan on being present in their journey through the college admissions process. I will help them and encourage them to get started early on. I’ll help them through it, but I also want them to do research on their own. Of course, I won’t be able to force them, but everything will ultimately be their decision.</p>
<p>I kind of liked going through the college admissions process (basically) by myself.</p>
<p>I think it is more difficult now and the stakes, at least financially, are higher. My oldest has good scores and grades so my main way of “butting-in” is remind that admission to the top schools is a STILL a longshot and to try to find some great safeties and matches.</p>
<p>And I probably say merit-aid five to ten times a day.</p>
<p>Yes I catch myself using the “we” but with the high cost of education, it is a “we” decision unless the child is completely independent financially. My son wants my help. He is not quite ready to fully understand the ramifications of his college choice. I am helping to frame the Issues with his unending input.</p>
<p>My son was REALLY busy in hs with academics and ECs. (It’s not that he was chasing resume bullets - he was just having fun. I recorded his accomplishments since I knew it would be handy senior year). It was actually my research that found the perfect fit school which he loves today as a sophomore. I originally put it on our radar mostly for scholarship potential, but he fell in love at a campus event.</p>
<p>My family enjoys doing things together, and looking at colleges was fun for us.</p>
<p>Many parents are involved because they are footing the bills, as others have said. In our case, it was not just where the kids wanted to go but where they would have a shot of both getting in and getting money. A high school student is not necessarily able to separate fact from fiction via a website or an information session that reports on scholarships (that go to 5 out of 1000 freshmen) or the countless people who insist on saying that there are huge amounts of scholarship money out there and private is cheaper than public when financial aid is figured in. </p>
<p>Some kids are very able to navigate the system and figure out which schools to target. Some are overly optimistic or unwilling to accept that a state school may be a great option. For most kids, paying for a 4-year college while holding down a job (or 3) is not realistic, so the parents have a huge financial stake in the outcome. If a kid is making an obviously poor choice, the parent may also want to help steer the ship in another direction (the boyfriend attending being the only reason for school X). </p>
<p>That being said, there are certainly parents who are too controlling over their children’s choices. If an application is sent and the finances are good, the student (in almost every case) should have the final say. Being upfront about restrictions at the start is critical.</p>