<p>My son got accepted a few private schools and in state flagship school
The private schools offered us pretty generous financial aid but still out of reach, in state college has not given any merit.
Our fafsa EFC is more than 20K,but we have only a house, no other asset with
Huge morgage.</p>
<p>My H wants son to commute from home, no more loan.
Son hates it.
We still have to pay more than 20K to any school.
Does my son has to go to community college?
It is bitter for son because if we send him to CC he still has to commute. :-)
I know there is no other choice.</p>
<p>My son is first generation to go to college here because we are immigrants so it is pretty much shocking to experience this expensive education cost and also heart breaking.</p>
<p>Given the options, it seems that community college for two years is his best option. If it’s not CC then, it’s loans and you seem opposed to that. Is your son willing to pay the loans? If that’s the case, it may solve your problem. I think your attitude is really important for your son. You want him to go into CC with a positive attitude so that he does really well. If he feels like he’s missing out on something or being cheated or has similar views, he’s going to focus on that and not on his studies. </p>
<p>Finally, in many states student transferring from CCs are often guaranteed admission if they have a certain GPA and if the student has a high GPA he/she may qualify for tuition/fee reductions. I know that’s the case in my state (MA).</p>
<p>How much are you and your husband willing to pay out each year for college? Can your son get a job on weekends starting now and work over the summer, and school year to come up with some money? How much do you think he can earn? How much are each of the choices he has? Are there any other schools in the area to which he can commute other than the community colleges, and how much are they? Also look up what community colleges are available in your state and elsewhere and find some that offer housing. In NY, the state tuition is cheap and there are a few state community colleges that do offer housing. Your son, if a permanent resident or citizen is allowed to borrow up to $5500 a year, and can use some of that towards his college costs. Then whatever you can chip in and then he has to earn money for food, maybe work in a cafeteria or food place part time. </p>
<p>Education is not always the expensive part, It’s the room and board. By living at home, you are providing him with about $5-15 of benefits right there. Living expenses can be high. If he goes to a state school, it would not be the tuition so much as the living expenses which have to be paid regardless of what he does unless he goes to prison or military where they are covered. If he were a top notch student, sometimes the colleges will give scholarships to make it possible for him to come, and if you are very low income there is a federal grant up to abot $5600 that kicks in, but to get it all you have to be making under $23K a year so it’s not such a great thing.</p>
<p>Thanks for reply.
Our affordable cost is 10k a year, it can cover state college tuition and books
That’s why H suggests S to commute.
Son’s wish is to live in campus like other Freshmen.
He was accepted into Engineering school so We are too proud to give it up.
Problem is that son is not a top notch student so hasn’t given any merit.
So loan or commute is all our options.
I think I just wanted to whine and get some nice and warm words even though it is immature as mom. :)</p>
<p>And thank you FROM MD, I read your PM but I am not allowed to reply directly.</p>
<p>mhyoon–just know that state schools give very little merit so don’t look at it like your son isn’t a good student. Can you call the financial aid offices at some of the private schools and see if they can work with you on the costs at all? Have you figured in commuting costs if he does live at home. It might not save you as much money as you think.</p>
<p>If I’m understanding you, S could go to state college if he would commute, but he doesn’t want to commute. Is that correct?</p>
<p>Since he doesn’t want to commute, the other option is to attend CC. It sounds like your family needs to have a discussion about the options. S needs to look at the pros and cons of his two options. Yes, he wants to live on campus, but that’s not an option at this point. He’s probably hoping that you will cave and pay the additional housing costs if he says he won’t attend and commute. Be frank with him, listen to all his concerns, and as a family, problem solve.</p>
<p>Stevema. That is what we have to consider.
Our area has shuttle bus every hour from school and bus stop is close enough.
Son can drive there and it takes about an hour then we have to buy a car for him.
Hopefully he can pay for gas himself from summer job.
We still hold his room and foods but I have to laundry for him though.
For the first year he is going to stay in dorm,cause it is recommended.
Commute system in our area is very well developed,so it is not rare to commute to college.
But still…I don’t want to ignore son’s wish to stay in campus and argue with H either.
Thanks for suggestion.</p>
<p>FlyMeToTheMoon, you are correct.
We still are waiting for hearing from other private schools(RD) even though we know there would not be much difference.
Yes,we will discuss about that sooner or later.
Thank you.</p>
<p>It seems to me that the OP lives somewhere too far from the flagship state u where he was accepted to commute there. The cost to go there is well over the $10K they can pay, and their EFC is $20K so, any financial aid is not going to happen to meet that gap between costs and what they can truly afford, never mind the EFC. Colleges are not going be able to come up with aid more than that $20K EFC which is double what the student can afford</p>
<p>In our state the cost to go away to a state school is about $20K. The student could take out $5500 in Staffords and get a job to come up with another $5K or so and go away to school. But it would be tight, and their state tuition rates might be higher. But there are often non flagship state schools and community colleges that have housing that can be doable for under $20K, if the student is that hep on not living at home. Also, he could take a year off work and do another college search using info from Momfromtexas threads on getting full ride choices even if not a top notch student. </p>
<p>The traditional route for him would be to go to community college and do the best he could, get the grades and then in two years, transfer to State U and everyone take out the loans to make it possible. At least the payment will be for two years of college and the two tail end years for a student who has shown he could do it, rather than investing that kind of money as a gamble that he would, given the stats as to who finishes college and even first year retention stats at many state u"s. Though I am against borrowing in many situations, for a student who has done his time and done it well at CC, I think it’s worth the down side to pay for the degree. It is a pitfall that it’s not likely that the student is going to have many more scholarship and aid offers in two years when he has to go to State U or another 4 year school to get his bachelor’s degree, but at least the bill is being cut about in half that way and the odds of getting the degree better.</p>
<p>Engineering is a strong field as far as income goes. If he is committed to doing so, your son could pay off all acquired student loans within 2 years. I would let him go, and I would let him borrow the money. Anything else would be a waste of his talents. Most engineering schools have some fairly strict criteria about who they will accept. It sounds like you have a bright kid. Someone should consider him a good investment…either his parents or him. Also, it is possible that co-op opportunities will pay for his last two years. Go talk to an adviser in the engineering department.</p>
<p>Loans aren’t necessarily evil, if you can keep them at or below the federal limits. You can pay just under half your EFC, so you need a school that will come up with $10K more than your need. I sort of doubt the private schools will come up with that much additional aid for you, and it’s probably past the deadlines for applying for big merit money.</p>
<p>I think you can present some options for your son. You tell him what you can pay. 1. He can go to state school and take out loans for his room and board. If he needs than the Direct loan amount, you can co-sign a small private loan OR he can get a job and pay the difference. 2. He can go to state school and live at home. 3. He can go to community college. </p>
<p>If you let him make the choice, there may be far less confrontation than you fear. </p>
<p>Good luck. Believe me, you’re not alone in this. Lots of kids face the reality that their idealized college experience just isn’t affordable. They get over it, especially when they graduate without bit debt.</p>
<p>Have you looked at some of your public state directional universities? These can be very affordable options that are still great schools with the full college experience.</p>
<p>The Stafford DIrect Loans are for $5500. Those he can take on his own. Beyond that. it can be dicey to take loans and not something I would push any parent to do for an 18 year old kid. Most engineering majors wash out Now if he takes the intro math/physics and whatever courses at CC for two years, and does well in getting those years towards a degree, that is a whole other story, and my money would come right out for him to finish it up at State U. $5500 a year is quite enough for a kid to have to borrow, IMO with parents who have a $20K EFC and are trying to keep a good financial balance. And to ask the parents to borrow at the rates asked by PLUS, well, I don’t think so.</p>
<p>Universities commonly expect a student contribution of about $8,500 per year ($5,500 Stafford loan and $3,000 work earnings), so they are likely to expect you and the student to pay $28,500 total if your EFC is $20,000. Of course, that is if they meet need with grants; many schools do not (and if you are unlucky enough to live in a state like PA, TX, or IL, the state universities there tend to fall far short of meeting need with grants even for in-state students).</p>
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<p>Has he been admitted to a state university with his major that is within commuting distance?</p>
<p>On the CC option, how would the cost of two years of CC followed by two years of state university fit into your budget?</p>
<p>In my opinion, an hour is too long a drive - he will need those two hours each day to study, and he may need to be on campus in the evenings for classes, study groups, or other activities. Do you really want him driving when he is exhausted?</p>
<p>Not to mention the cost of using the vehicle regularly will add up over time - it’s not just gas, but other maintenance. If you live in an area that gets winter weather, you also need to factor in missed days of class or hotel costs for him to stay near campus when it is not safe to drive.</p>
<p>Where I live, many students commute either to the community college, or to one of the local universities. My supervisor’s son is an engineering major who has commuted from home to the University of Maryland at College Park for all four years. He keeps a bicycle at the Metro station so that he can get around campus faster. My daughter commuted by city bus to our local community college for two years, and now is a junior at a public university in another part of the state. We saved about $8,000 in housing costs for each year that she lived at home.</p>
<p>I understand completely that your son wants to do what he sees so many of his friends doing, but the simple fact is that nationwide more students commute than live on campus. Some of them do that because they are married and have family responsibilities of their own, but the vast majority of them commute because it is less expensive. If your son finds out that this is the only way he can get his education, he will be in good company.</p>
<p>Don’t feel bad about keeping your expenses low. In the long run, everyone will be glad that you were able to do that.</p>
<p>I appreciate all replies and I am sorry that I can’t say thanks to each reply.
Every comment is something for me and my son.
H still hopes high about Private schools but I’m considering to discuss with S about cost.</p>
<p>happymomof1, you and I live in same area,so your posting made me feel better.
and FROM MD again,thanks for your second PM.</p>
<p>myhoon - I have a friend who also could not afford the housing costs associated with a state 4 year college. They set up a housing plan with their son, it was important to them he “have” the college experience even though he still lived at home. He became responsible for his laundry, his meals (if he was not going to be home during regular meal times) and keeping his room clean. In exchange, they did not require him to keep them updated on his whereabouts (which is a huge bonus to kids when they move onto a campus…they do not answer to us parents as to where they are!!). He was given the freedom to come and go as he wished. I am not sure if he was asked to let them know if he was not coming home at night but it really has worked out well. He made a life for himself on campus as well as off, has had a job the whole time and I think the tension level in the house was kept to a minimum. They were very clear about what they expected, though. And they gave him the freedom he would have had as non-commuting student…which is very hard as a parent to do!</p>
<p>We live in an area where there are many first generation families similar to yours. They specifically moved to this area for the outstanding school system but many are financially stretched to their limit due to high mortgage payments. D actually had friends in HS school who were in the same situation as your son. Some were accepted at Ivy league schools but couldn’t afford to attend. They now go to our flagship U. Quite a few live at home and commute to school. They would have preferred to live in campus, but it wasn’t affordable.</p>
<p>Your son must be very bright if he was accepted into the engineering school at your flagship U. However, there is the possibility that he may have to drop out of the program if it proves to be too difficult.</p>
<p>I have to agree that a one hour commute to school is very long. Perhaps attending CC for the first two years then transferring to the flagship U for his last two years would be his least expensive option. You need to sit down and explain his options with him.</p>
<p>A lot depends on the kind of commute. If he’s on a train, metro or bus, he may be able to sleep or get some studying done. The kids who take the bus to our local community college are always doing homework on the bus.</p>
<p>Driving one hour each way is a completely different thing.</p>
but I have to laundry for him though. 