<p>In a nutshell we are having difficulty saying no to him but we think that's the right option.</p>
<p>We are not rich (100K income) but have always lived beneath our means (small house, used cars, few vacations, etc.) and have saved more assets then most. With a little aid package, the top ten liberal arts college requires us to pay 52K. That may drop to mid-30's next year with 2nd child in college. </p>
<p>He has several attractive merit scholarships at other liberal arts colleges (and universities) where the total will be $22K or less, depending on the college.</p>
<p>He is going to be an econ major, probably going straight into business but doesn't want to rule out graduate school. He will be using up the 18K of his own money for the expensive college, but we will allow him to keep it if he picks one of his other choices. He still wants the expensive college, where he will have a work study job and has offered to take out the unsubsidized Stafford loans (we normally don't do loans, which is one of the reasons we are financially better off than most).</p>
<p>Obviously we should have set our comfortable maximum before applications went out but he was applying at the last minute and we didn't even run the financial aid calculators. Live and learn. We are so conflicted....</p>
<p>What was the limit you established with your son before he sent out apps? What was the $$ figure your gave him in order to whittle down schools when the financial aid packages came in?</p>
<p>Since your son was homeschooled you also served as his GC. Did you advise him on the schools he applied to, in the list of possible schools you provided (GC’s do this) did he far exceed that list or ignore it?</p>
<p>What I am trying to ascertain is the guidelines you set for him as far as cost both as his parent and as his GC.</p>
<p>Is the $52K school going to cause financial hardship to your family? And if so, does he know this? Is that amount of money already earmarked for his college education, meaning is it saved for his college?</p>
<p>Have you set out the terms, if he uses the $52K per year there will be no help with grad school or much else? Or is the $52K school just not an option?</p>
<p>I assume that you have chosen to live modestly and save money for a reason: saving for college, retirement, general principles, whatever. That reason should inform your decision. And how much have you sacrificed to do this? Have you or your spouse denied yourself even modest pleasures that you would like to engage in?</p>
<p>The question is, can you pay at least 50-60K per year for the next 5 years without endangering your retirement, or courting financial disaster in case of unexpected job loss or illness. Your age plays into this, also. (The amount it would take to cover both of your kids will, of course, depend on where the second one is likely to get in and to go.)</p>
<p>I have to say that, especially on an income of 100K, even with substantial savings, 22K or less sounds awfully attractive. How much of a gap is there between the desired LAC and the other options? Would you mind sharing the names of the schools? It is good that your S is prepared to work to help pay for a more expensive school, BTW. </p>
<p>My other thought is that generally speaking, I think grad school (are we talking an MBA?) should be on him, not you. </p>
<p>Then say no. Paying upwards of $200k for an undergrad degree, especially when you earn $100k, isn’t wise. How are you going to pay for grad school if your son decides to go? Suppose his aid package changes next year and the college expects you to pay more? I’ve seen threads where parents have had to pull a child from an expensive college because they couldn’t pay more and it’s a painful process. What happens if the EFC doesn’t drop to the mid-30’s with a 2nd child in college? Are you going to be able to swing a (financially) comparable school if your younger child wants that, or will s/he have to settle for a less expensive in-state school?</p>
<p>My husband and I analyzed the offers our son received and took the colleges that wanted more than we could comfortably afford off the table. You can’t always know how much something will cost or what your comfort zone will be until you learn the final numbers. Now that you have an idea, set the limits you’re comfortable with and explain them gently, but firmly, to your son.</p>
<p>I’m totally NOT into the notion of a “dream school”. I understand that students have their favorites, but “dream school”, if it is financially a huge stretch, then it can easily turn into a nightmare.</p>
<p>Presumably your son applied to the OTHER schools with the intent of accepting an offer of admission also. </p>
<p>HE needs to understand that funding $18,000 a year himself will be a HUGE challenge once he is a full time student at this school. How does he plan to do that? Nevermind that HIS income over $6200…every dollar earned, 50% goes into his Family contribution, PLUS every cent in HIS accounts as of the financial aid application filing is 20% assessed.</p>
<p>It sounds like the “dream school” is a large financial stretch that you didn’t really expect him to be accepted to. Was he told that if the money was not forthcoming he needed to walk away?</p>
<p>The whole family finances needs to be considered here, not just one student. </p>
<p>You talk about when you have two kids in college? What happens if kid number 2 does NOT get accepted to a college that meets full need for all? You will be facing the very good possibility that you EFC per FAFSA will be the bare minimum you will be expected to pay for THAT student. Are you prepared to tell child number 2 that he/she cannot go to their dream school because you are funding child ONE? That could very well be what happens.</p>
<p>He wants to be an econ/business major…Show him the effect that the large tuition will have on him and you.
$18,000 per year may not sound like much, but if you show him the $72,000 and what the monthly payment for that would be (vs. a car or rent). Also show him how that affects his sibling.</p>
<p>I think the right answer is to buck up and say no to the kid. 200K+ out of whatever savings you have accrued is a lot of money. And there’s another child right behind him. You have no guarantee that school 1 will give you enough (or any kind) of a break when the next one enters college. All your reasons for </p>
<p>You probably can’t do this in a way to make him gladly give up the expensive school, so just brace yourself and tell him. Offer him the 22K a year and say you won’t cosign loans. Sounds like that amount still leaves him choices, so he won’t feel railroaded into a particular school. It takes just one off the table.</p>
<p>Did he apply to Michigan? Is he admitted to the Ross, or LSA Econ? If he’s in at Michigan he should go there. Good students of relatively modest means who are in-state Michigan have an unparalleled opportunity to get a fantastic education inexpensively. There is no reason to stretch your budget when you have that there. Families from around the country are paying $$$ to send their kids there, just praying they can get in. (I saw your post in National Merit forum.) Or did he happen to apply to Minnesota? They have a great econ dept. and if he is NMF, he would be paying just a bit over rm/bd to attend.</p>
<p>I didn’t want a student loan to pay off after I graduated.</p>
<p>I majored in BS Computer Science at a state university. I joined the Army National Guard in a state with State Tuition Waiver. I graduated mid-pack in my class, but I was able to walk out of undergrad with $0 in educational loans, a security clearance, etc. I had a 30 min phone interview with a defense contractor and they were willing to pay more than what Wall Street was paying for software engineers for less than 35 hours/week of work and over 6 weeks of vacation per year in a metro market that was 3x less expensive than NYC.</p>
<p>Now I’m working full-time while attending a MS Computer Science program part-time for free again. I continue to serve in the Army National Guard because I enjoy it and will make it a part-time 20 year career.</p>
<p>I have friends that did what your son is planning on doing. Most of them paid a hefty price for that bad decision. </p>
<p>Because they took on huge debt for majors that are hard to find employment for, they watched while those who had a better plans were stacking a 401k, Federal TSP, military retirement, etc. and buying real estate and luxury cars.</p>
<p>Ask your son this question, “Is his ‘dream’ school worth watching friends of same capabilities surpass him in terms of assets and financial security?”</p>
<p>I don’t think this family’s financial situation is clear enough to give clear advice. When you talk about his “own money,” what do you mean? Is there a 529 or other amount of money saved up for college? If he goes to the expensive college, how much will he need to take out in loans?</p>
<p>I think it would be wise to send him to the more affordable school given you have a second child attending college soon. It maybe too much of a strain to pay the tuition for four years and if it becomes too difficult he may have to transfer to an affordable school. For four years at a dream school he maybe in debt all his life. He would definitely have to put grad school on hold. </p>
<p>A lot of food for thought here. Everyone has a good viewpoint and you have to pick the one your family will take.</p>
<p>Let me give you my personal opinion: When parents let student apply anywhere without guidelines UP FRONT as to what cost expectations are, they are asking for trouble It may make perfect sense to you that a kid should go to the $30K school over the $50K one, even though you can afford the higher priced school and would have gone along with it if those other options had not opened up, but that’s not the way most young people will view it. First of all, they don’t think the same way, they don’t agree with you, and they really were lead on to believe that the $50K option was just fine. It’s like saying you would pay $50 for a pair of shoes, and then when you see a pair that look just as good to you for $30, insisting that the cheaper ones get purchased. What’ s a few zeroes in the example? </p>
<p>This is what happens when no cost parameters are set forth from the beginning. </p>
<p>We set our the numbers as to what we, the parents would pay. The kid could get the money put in an account upon graduation. Or it could go to a school of choice. And two of mine decided to forgo the more than hundred thousand dollar award to go to the schools they preferred to go and used up every bit of what we agreed to pay, and then some, as they put a commitment upon themselves to get the rest. That is the way a lot of people think. Now, we could have insisted they go to their many less expensive choices once the offers were all on the table, but Really, I felt and still feel that 'a bit unfair as it smacks of changing the rules and expectations after the fact. If there had been some financial crisis or issue that had arisen between the times of application and acceptances, that would have been a different story But there was not. This, “let’s see what it costs, and then we’ll tell you what we’ll pay” business is really not the right way to do this in my humble parenting opinion.</p>
<p>It’s a huge advantage to have a kid going to the school of choice as that can make the difference when things go wrong, and, yes, things often go wrong. A kid that feels cheated and doesn’t like what happened, and in this sort of scenario, he may be well justified in so thinking, is going to have that chip on his shoulder. Again, if it’s just he way things are do to circumstances of fate, that’s a whole other story, and the right thing to do in such cases is to explain it to the kid There is right and wrong in a lot of this.</p>
<p>Many people have assumed that the S plans to cover $18K PER YEAR. I read the OP as saying that the S currently has $18K in savings, and that he will have to use that to help pay if he goes to the more expensive school. A very different proposition.</p>
<p>I’m not familiar with this poster and know nothing about their circumstances, but I have to say that if one of the $22K per year schools is the University of Michigan, he should not waste one moment thinking about this expensive LAC (even though the top 10 LACs are wonderful places). And I would figure that he would be in the Honors program at U of M also? The one drawback I see is that it might be a shock for a kid to go from homeschooling to a school as large as the big midwestern flagships…</p>
<p>I agree here. Better to show him that the $52,000 school is too expensive than to just force him to go elsewhere.</p>
<p>However, if he has not had to face any cost constraints for his activities and whatever while growing up, that may be much harder to do. At least one other parent poster had skimped on his/her own spending in order to indulge the kid, with the apparent result is that the kid does not have any money sense and has expensive tastes. I.e. it will likely be much easier to convince him if you have, over the years, raised him with a frugal mindset that the rest of your family has been living.</p>
<p>Because we’re a full pay family but need a price tag that’s closer to 30k to do it without loans We’re not letting our kids apply to schools that won’t give merit aid. We believe, and we have raised our children to believe, that college is a financial decision and price is one of the main considerations just like it is when you find the perfect house in the perfect school district. All that said, I do think you need to consider the expectations you allowed your son to have. Now some of your attitude may have come from your mistaken belief that xyz college is affordable for everyone just like the websites say, but even so, you need to weigh in your own part in having your son set his expectations so high because, like cptofthehouse said:
</p>
<p>If you do decide that your son was not unrealistic in setting his expectations so high and that it will, at this point, be too crushing to him to settle for an affordable college, you may want to start thinking about how you can mitigate loans. Will the school take AP credits? Can he take some transferable credits at a community college over the summers? It would be great if he could knock off a year, or even a semester’s tuition. </p>
<p>Finally, make sure your younger child understands the tradeoff this son will be making at the more prestigious school - Indentured servitude for the college of his dreams. </p>
<p>I do believe there are times to go with a more expensive choice if it’s the best fit for your child. The public flagship might be a great school but if your child is built for a small LAC, then the extra money might be worth the better fit. Of course, I’m thinking more in terms of a 5K difference not a 20K difference! However, sounds like there are several similar options on the table. I’d be pressing the schools with merit in your case.</p>
<p>Setting a comfortable maximum is not always fool proof. There are times a kid will apply to a school above their means because they have good merit opportunities. Sometimes that merit is enough and other times, not so much. Those top 10 schools… all you ever hear is that they have great financial aid and when your kid is throwing in last minute applications (yep, my kid did a couple like that too) reading the fine print can’t always happen. Give yourself a break. It’s an imperfect process that you have to do on top of everything else you have to do in life.</p>
<p>In this case, the student should see the goal of applying to that school is to get the big enough merit scholarship, not merely admission, since admission without the scholarship is effectively a (financial) rejection. This can, of course, move a school into a more difficult application category (e.g. safety to match or reach, or match to reach).</p>
<p>My kids did apply to some high priced college where there was little or no chance of any discount to bring it down to what they could afford. But they did so understanding fully that we were paying $X and they or the school or something other than us the parents have to come up with the difference. We were paying $X whether the school cost $60K or was free. They’d get every bit of the money upon graduation if they took a free choice. </p>
<p>They got it Any full priced schools they just pushed off the table as well as any that they felt were too tight They really did not want to borrow. But, they sure did pick a school that required every bit of our paying $X, and yes, I think they turned down some good choices that would have cost them less and left them with some money in their pockets at the end of 4 years, but that was their choice. </p>