If you expect your S to honor his agreement with you then it sit down with him and come up with a payment plan. He should be respecting the commitment he made about that. However, don’t bring up anything about loving the GF more than you. His relationship with her is not a competition with you. It’s odd that you would even try to equate the two.
Finally, we don’t expect our children to pay us back for college costs, but if I had that agreement with them I would expect it to be honored.
Yep…I posted this in my first response on this thread. The OP needs to start here.
I would suggest you get this payment plan…in writing.
Most of my friends from my HS and myself had out college’s paid for our parents. I do not know a single one that had to pay them back for this, so your generalization about it seems odd. Ever hear the phrase “Dont lend out more than you can afford to lose?” Well this is why that phrase exists. It’s unlikely you have leverage to force anyone to pay you back, from what you have written it sounds like your son is independent so it’s not like you can kick him out of your place or anything. If you want to like sue your son, go for it. If not, then you need to just talk to him and see whats up, and form a plan.
Legally? Seriously?
If the original post wasn’t a put-on, this statement should be reposted numerous times as this is the crux of the issue–mom’s hurt that there’s another lady in the picture. For some reason, that creepy Old Spice “Smellcome to Manhood” commercial comes to mind.
Eventually, this is the desired outcome. It may not be with this particular partner or at exactly this time, but you’re probably hoping that at some point your son will form a lasting relationship – perhaps leading to marriage and maybe children. For this to happen, he has to give priority to his partner and the life they have together rather than to you. That’s how it works.
And he’s not too young. Although today’s college-educated young people tend to get married a little later than young people in some earlier generations did, many of them have formed relationships with the person they will eventually marry by the time they’re 24. My daughter, for example, was 23 when she started dating the man she eventually married.
“Does my son have to pay me back for his extra time in college?”’
This is odd wording when you look at it. I think most parents know that particular answer because nobody HAS to do anything. You can sue relatives and friends but it’s never good.
So let’s turn it into the flip side of the coin… “Do I have to pay my mom back for my extra time in college?”
If this was the kid asking, I’d say yes if you want any respect at all. You need to step up and pay it back because that’s what the agreement was. Try to pay it back but three years is pretty tough terms for a new graduate (depending on salary). If unable to pay it back except in smaller increments, I’d try to negotiate some terms with “bank of mom” who has already given generous interest rates (probably zero). Come up with a payment plan. Get Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover” and make a budget pronto. Grow-up. Both son and GF will be happier debt-free.
How much money are we talking here? $60,000 for the year at a private or OOS public university…or $25,000 at the instate public?
People get car loans for three years and manage to pay them off…but I’d say that would be more in the $25,000 a year range. If the kid owes you $25,000, he would be paying roughly $8500 a year for three years. I’m assuming you are not charging him interest. That’s about $700 a month.
But if it’s $60,000…The monthly payments for three years would be…more than double…more like $1600 a month.
Try to figure out a reasonable repayment plan with this kiddo. As noted upstream, he probably had NO idea what 1/3 repayment would look like after five years of college…when he was 18 and you agreed to this.
So…sit down…lay it out. Come up with a reasonable repayment plan…in writing…both of you sign it.
And I feel BOTH parents need to be on board with this as well.
Today, for many, 24 isn’t what it was in our generation, certainly not in our parents day. There’s a term, “emerging adulthood.” It’s suggested it can take some into their early 30s to get their acts together. Not all, but enough to coin that expression, write about it.
I do agree the son should be trying to meet his promise. Yes, we want them to have a life and romantic interest. But this is an obligation, like others in his life. I just don’t see why this has gone so long for parent and son to talk, nail this down.
5% paid of 30k is $1500. Even at 60k, its only $3k. Not much progress.
I think I wouldn’t say “pay me back within 3 years” but “Pay me $200/month” or something.
I would have had him take a loan out for the 5th year so it is on him to pay it.
It’s not about making it to our 30s to “get our acts together.” It’s that we have to make it to our 30s to get anywhere near the pay and benefits our parents and above got with a high school degree… if we’re lucky.
Your kid has a girlfriend. Yes, he probably right now cares more about you than her. Or at least has a stronger desire to please her than you. It happens.
You and the gf shouldn’t be talking about what kiddo gives her. If you want to make him pay, talk to him. There’s nothing you can legally do (except maybe sue where you’ll get nowhere). You just have to make sure it’s worth risking your relationship with him over.
3 years is 100% unreasonable.
Pretty sure @romanigypsyeyes meant to write “he probably right now cares more about HER than you”…meaning right now…the girlfriend is front and center!
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Per my earlier note:
OP has not returned, so I am closing.